[marigold]

No, I am not a violent person, and I most certainly would never have acted on it but today I just wanted to slap someone. I went to pick up my oldest from a free event at the library that he attended with his camp class. My son has RAD and PTSD and struggles daily with high levels of anxiety that make him act out (thats putting it mildly .) So when I got there one of his teachers stayed behind and was talking to me about his behavior which was beyond extreme today. When some woman who was also attending this event but who clearly knew none of us came up and in front of my son said... "That boy is nothing but a liability, I don't know how you stand him." This woman clearly thought I worked with this child, not that he was my son. (Daycare t-shirt, and the fact that I am white and he is AA) I was LIVID!!
I understand that he may have been a nuisence, but really!!!! WHo says that! Her mom must not have ever told her that "if you can't say nothing nice, don't say anything at all." Somedays I wish I lived in a community full of people like you guys. Yeah there is bickering about things on this board, but I wouldn't have to explain to you guys why I love my son or feel soooo defensive towards all criticism because I would know that it was there to help him. It has been a really bad two weeks!!

[UTbrie]

I would feel the same as you...however, don't know if I could restrain a scathing reply back to this lady! Some people just can never understand....and even though she didn't know his situation, when did we stop treating others as we would want to be treated? I work in healthcare, and hate to say, never suprised by some people's negative attitude. God Bless you for restraining yourself,(it would have taken God to hold ME back!) especially since she made her awful comments in front of your child. That in itself is reprehensible to me.

[blueflower]

You know, I can't come up with an appropriate reply ... well, beyond a slap, and I have never done that to anyone. I'm sorry she said that to you ... and in front of your kid.

[thelowlanders]

Ok, first my answer is "Yes" I have for similar reasons.

Now I'm going to take the other side too because I've been in both situations. Honestly.

I wouldn't say anything rude like she did. But I have had times where it seemed unfortunate for my kids to be at a function, and get pretty much terrorized by other's children. I don't know what yours was up to, so am not putting this on them. Just thinking of my situations. The kids are just trying to have fun and enjoy what's going on, yet there's one kid going about like a Tsunami taking it over, breaking things, physically hurting 60% of the kids, etc. I can't help but think that was a huge liability. And quietly excusing myself. Or if I have the tact that day, finding a nice way to offer help or hint about the situation.

Just offering a way to see it from the other side. When I get so mad I'm ready to ... I don't know , slap someone it helps to try to understand them or get to know them. Of course leading to as you said, learning that you are there to help him.

[crick]

I feel like slapping people regularly. It's why I'm known for the "stick". Not that I physically slap people, but I have been known to kiss them with a verbal slap.

I hope you told her...."Yes, he's MY liability and I love him very much." and walked away with a smile covering that hurt.

[shavon]

I would have B**@h slapped her into next week!!!!

How rude for her to say that in front of your child..If she felt that she needed to say something she cold have waited until your child was not in hearing distance..That just shows how immature she is.. Thanks for taking the high road you handled it much better than I would have.

[momof9wantingmore]

My ason is now 8 years old. He was drug and alcohol exposed in utero, he has ADHD, ODD, FASD, is very obsessive about things and never stops talking. That said, I love him with all my heart and I know he tries hard to control himself and be "good", but he can't always be successful. A few years back, before my son was on the proper meds, we were at a family function and my nephews girlfriend was there, my son began having a major meltdown, which could get pretty ugly. This young woman watched for a minute and then says, " You should just spank him", everyone in the room stopped talking and just looked at her,(my family loves my son despite his issues). She clammed up pretty fast, but I did want to slap her, she did not know my son or his issues. Fast forward 3 years and she is now a part of the family and loves my son dearly. Ignorance is no excuse for rudeness, but it does explain it.

[marigold]

Thanks for all the empathy. I am sure that my son was annoying as all H E double hockey sticks out of the people there, but not hurting any other child. I could completely understand if someone was just to compliment the daycare staff or make sure they were able to handle him. It is just NEVER excusable to insult a child in front of his face. I wanted to say a witty comeback but I was to busy being upset by his behavior.

[bethy724]

Was she talking about a 6 YEAR OLD child?!!! Maybe you could have said "well, I think God gives me the strength & patience w/ his child & not everybody is blessed w/ love for a child that isn't perfect-a child is NEVER a liability but a gift from God- I'm thankful you have a managable child-your right not everybody could handle this" Was she even in the conversation or just rudely interrupted a private discussion between a parent & teacher? Not very good manners on her part & pretty disgusting to talk about any person in front of them never mind a child w/ problems.

[stevenstwin]

What DID you say to her? I'm hoping that when she found out he was your son, she wanted to crawl under the rug! Now, I have a deep, dark confession to make. I think I'd almost be relieved if my FS, back in his real glory days of bizarre behaviour, had been a different race from me. As it is, not only are we the same race, but he actually really LOOKS like me....so no-one woudl ever mistake me for anything other than his parent. Which MEANS..a lot of people glared at ME and thought I must be the worst mother in the world, assuming I'd raised this child from birth. I know it is a horrible thing to be embarassed by your child, but there were times I fantasized about having a t-shirt made up to say "this one isn't my fault."

[mommytoEli]

i've typed and retyped my response so many times...but each time it gets worse and worse. lol. basically....grrrrrr...so wrong. i don't care how annoying a kid is....it is very stupid to say something to someone you don't know because you never know who is who or who knows who. duh.

[TxMom65]

Never is it acceptable to say things like that in front of a child. She sounds like a nut and is a liability herself.

[marigold]

I glared at her a little and she scurried off. She was just a stranger butting in. I think what really bothered me was that she had her arm around her own son. Does she not know how much I would give for my son to be able to participate in "normal" activities. Also, what is that teaching her son? This paticular son has been pushing me soo much these last three weeks but I still wouldn't trade him and our life for all the well behaved boys and their ignorant moms.

[fredalina]

i think i would have had to say something like, "Really? You would say something like that in front of a child? And when you clearly don't know all of the facts, either? Must be nice living in your perfect world, that's for sure." Then turned to my son and said, "Come on, SON, let's go home and get this day out of our systems."

Unfortunately i'm never very good at witty comebacks, and had she said something without the poor boy standing there, i might have just said nothing, but i don't know if i could restrain myself if she said something with him there!

[EandDmom]

Well I work one day a week in retail and I can safely say every time I go to work I have to fight back the urge to slap someone.