[thelowlanders]

Let's share. What do you enjoy the most? What have you learned? What do you say to those who are considering being a foster parent? etc. I would love to hear a bundle of positive. I know alot of negative happens too. And for many this is the only "safe" place to come and discuss, vent, and/or get some input and opinions. But being as we're starting up again in August, I'm especially interested in some good memories. Thank you for your time

[shaslove]

Maybe this is silly, but I am greatful (as a relative placement) that C's medical bills are taken care of. She got four shots yesterday, and I had no copay

[stevenstwin]

I feel like I've become more of a parenting "expert", LOL. I find that I can give lots of really good advice to parents with "normal" teens, and they often ask how I came up with my "creative" ideas...well, I can truly say it is all thanks to parenting troubled teens that don't respond to "ordinary" parenting methods ;-)

[Ssumner]

Stevenswins - do share! Some of your expert advice would be appreciated. This is a great thread as we are starting our PRIDE classes in August. We are getting excited, but also nervous. It seems lately everyone is posting about terrible experiences. Not all kids bring THAT much stress, RIGHT????? There must be some kids that bring alot of joy and please tell your stories to us "newer" foster parents to be!! Thanks so much

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by Ssumner

Stevenswins - do share! Some of your expert advice would be appreciated. This is a great thread as we are starting our PRIDE classes in August. We are getting excited, but also nervous. It seems lately everyone is posting about terrible experiences. Not all kids bring THAT much stress, RIGHT????? There must be some kids that bring alot of joy and please tell your stories to us "newer" foster parents to be!! Thanks so much

LOL - well, the BIG thing is that I learned a lot about natural and logical consequences. With my bio kids, if they misbehave, they get a consequence like "extra chores" or "pay a fine" etc. Well, I quickly learned with my teenage FS that these would only result in a SECOND battle - getting him to comply with the consequences! Even telling him he had to stay in his room was pointless - he was over 6 feet tall and 200 pounds, so how could I "make" him do anything, really. He's ODD and THRIVES on argument and confrontation, so I had to learn ways to get him to comply without ANY dialogue between us. Here are a couple examples - one day he started raging at me in the car on the way to school. I considered pulling over and telling him to get out (we were about 6 blocks from school, and he was 15 so no problem walking) but realized I wouldn't be able to MAKE him get out of the car. So I did! I just calmly pulled over at the elementary school, got out, locked my doors and went in to chat with my daughter's teacher. You should have seen the absolutely ASTONISHED look on his face! But when I came out 20 minutes later he was gone - he had no-one to argue with, so he gave up, and walked to school. Even remember to lock the car door behind him! Now, obviously you have to know the kid - I couldn't have done that if I though he'd take something pointy to the upholstery or such. Another example - he would NOT keep the volume of his TV/video games down. He'd turn it down then just keep creeping it back up - he thrives on lots of noise and stimulation. So with no discussion at all, my husband simply disconnected the electricity to his bedroom. And this one is kind of funny...he NEVER would life the toilet seat and was always leaving dribbles behind. Finally my husband just removed the toilet seat and hid it Eventually, he settled down and became more compliant and we WERE able to move on to more traditional consequences. When we put his fist through the wall he had to help fix it. And he had to paint the froont steps to earn the money to BUY the Poly-Fil to fix it with!

ps - to answer your other question, I've only fostered teens and they do come with all different kinds of heart-ache. Right now my former FS and I have a rather tenuous relationship because of some rotten decisions he is making (he is 18 and living on his own) but I treasure every single "I love you" and all the sweet moments, too. My favourite is the day he found out that my favourite flowers are lilacs. So he went to the flower store and tried to buy me some! Of course they explained that lilacs aren't generally sold as cut flowers, but it just so happened they had a big, blooming lilac bush in their own back yard. They sent him outside with a pair of clippers, and he was able to bring me home a great, big, beautiful bunch of lilacs :-) One other time he bought me roses band presented them to me AT school (I teach) with a card saying something to the effect of "thanks for being my mom".

[fostapeepz]

I love the challenges of parenting. Not to say I always love the challenge - but it is rewarding to see progress with the kids.

I also love using the clothing voucher. LOL! I enjoy shopping for kids, and shopping for bargains, and I consider it a challenge to see how far I can get on the $100 they give you when you first get a placement.

[ladyjubilee]

The best thing about fostering is the kids. There are some great kids out there

I've also learned to appreciate the training. As much as most of it seemed to basic, seemed goody goodyish I was reminded recently that foster parents unlike birth only parents get training. Actually, I think the comment was, "WHAT you got training on this! Why didn't I get training, I want to go to training" when I showed a friend a hand out on button pushing.

[thelowlanders]

THat's funny! I have only fostered 3yrold and under so far and have already learned that. DO NOT tell a child to do something you cannot make them do! I always remind my friend of that who is fostering right now. You're only giving them another chance to disobey. If they must scream, give them a screaming spot. We proceeded to give them a "safe zone" and told them they weren't screaming loud enough To go ahead and get it all out. Should have seen the look on their face. hehe. It took the control away from them. And taught them to be respectful of others space when they're feeling angry.
Oh, I've learned that favorites they know you can't control is food and bodily functions. You can't MAKE a child eat. and you can't MAKE a child control their bodily functions
Watching a child just learn to relax, and hear that first genuine carefree laugh of a child is so wonderful. It may go away for a few days after visit. But I learned to appreciate that little person they could be when this season of life is over.
A good caseworker makes a world of a difference in foster care in so many ways.

[thelowlanders]

I'm really curious what you all say to those inquiring about doing foster care. ????

Here's one of mine:

What they warn you of in class............really does happen. Trust me.

I just find it funny because we didn't totally believe all the stories. But then we had a crash course in the textbook scenarios with one of our FDs.

[waitingtobeamom]

For me the best things about foster care are:

1. Watching the progress the kids make!

2. Knowing that the children have had a safe loving home

3. Hearing them say, "Good Night, Mom! Good Night, Dad!" for the first time!

[kimb1005]

Hearing " I love you Mama" for he first time from the foster child. Teaching him how to give kisses (it's a toddler-lol), teaching him how to play and watching the compassion my bio sons are learning esp the 16 year old.

[thelowlanders]

Any more?

I've enjoyed seeing how much support there is in the community.

You learn to be a Superpowered multitasker.

I have 3bios now. I get lots of hugs. But I remeber when I had 5+little ones hugging me. It was great

[dachshunds4you]

I tell others, the best thing they could do is become a foster parent. Yes we do at times have complete heartache when they're RU'd, but to me it was worth it to have them for the little bit we did. What a great opportunity to teach them so many basic things.

All our kids have been under 18 months, and every one has gone back with new skills or improved ones. All have slept through the night, and had good behaviors, learned to eat, some learned to talk, learned manners...

I remind them to always keep in their minds that these kids will go home with some relative. It does make it somewhat easier to always have that in your mind. And that the first one to leave is the hardest, after that it does get easier.

I have learned so much on how to take care of babies. I give advice all the time to new parents on certain things (only ones who ask for it, I don't force it down their throat). We get complements all the time on how well behaved and quiet our fk's always are. I say after 13 kids, I better be good at it!

And just remember to have fun! Oh yeah, and tomorrow is a new day with new adventures!

[meshsgrl]

My favorite part of being a foster parent:

#1 watching my kids do fun things like play in the mud, help in the garden, go fishing and camping... things they would never be able to do otherwise.

#2 watching as they grow more secure and attached!

#3 being able to act like a child. I am a single parent of 4 young kids and often its like if "you can't beat 'em join 'em"!

#4 just being a mom... a child's hero, a child's best friend, a child's security!

#4 the hugs and the cuddles!!

[afamilythroughfoster]

*Seeing birthparents who really do work their caseplan
*Having a birthparent thank me
*Holding an infant, who days before I didn't even
know existed, but now I can't imagine my life
without
*The very first time an older child does what he is told
without arguing b/c we are consisent with the
consequences.