[wantonemore]

Were you ever able to maintain concact? If so, how did it work, short term and long term?

My two went home on Thursday.

With the caseworkers permission, I sent a note/card home to the bio-mom. It was difficult to be able to write it in a way that was positive (because I was not thrilled about the enviroment the kids were returning to) while still being honest. A carefull choice of words.

In brief, I told her I have thought about her much in the last couple of months. That I knew it was a difficult time for her. That I wish her and her family the best. And, that if ever, with her permission and her blessing) the kids wanted to call and tell me how they were doing, I would welcome that. And, with some reservation, included my phone number (whcih Mr. M already knew)

I expected nothing more to come of it. I expected bio-mom to view me as an enemy. After all, I had her kids when she didn't, and I am associated with the government agency that took her kids.

Imagine my suprise when Mr. M called me yesterday. I was thrilled. I miss them so much. Great to hear his voice. I told him to give little Miss a hug from me, and his Mom too. I also told him to tell Mom that she could call me if she needed someone to watch them/take care of them.

Thoughts? I feel like this is a fine line to walk. Did I do the right thing? Could this somehow come back to bite me?

I really want these kids to know that somone still continues to care. They have been in care more than once, I don't know if they will be again... and would just like to know how they are doing and to be there for them in anyway I can...

[blueflower]

This is a bit different situation but might help. My parents were relative foster parents for a sibling set of my cousin's kids. After leaving my parents' home (for various reasons) and going to different foster families, my parents still went to visit them every so often (the only family who was allowed to do so). Now, the kids are back with my aunt (their grandma) and in the same county as my parents. My parents have offered to keep them on the weekends, which they were taken up on. The older ones no longer come, I think because they need a break from babysitting the younger ones. If something is going on and my parents can't take them, then they let my aunt know and they don't come out. It has worked out pretty well as the kids still get to see a 'normal' family functioning together and they get to go to church. It also keeps my parents in contact with them more and lets the kids know there are more people out there who care for them.

I hope you can figure something out that works for both of you. It really is a fine line to walk. If I ever want to take the kids somewhere, I ask my parents to ask my aunt ... I stay out of it. Now, family functions ... that is interesting as my aunt and cousin let the kids get away with a lot and my parents don't. At least you won't have to deal with that part.

[shavon]

I sure hope we can have contact with our little man when he goes home.

I will write a letter to let dad know that I am on his side and that I will help any way I can. It is so hard just thinking about him leaving.

I am afraid (like you) that he will look at us as the "enemy" He really has no one to help him. He will be a single father, except for the few young girls he manages to string along, His mom is in a nursing home his dad has a liver disease from alcohol and drug use and probably wont make it much longer. He has a few aunts but per his own words they are also drug sellers and alcoholics. So I hope he will "use" us as needed. It will be very hard if not. We have had little man for over a year already and not sure how much longer he will be here they have just now started 2hr unsupervised visits.

I hope you get to see those angels and know they are alright.. Keep us informed on things that help.

[millie58]

My first set of kids went to a family who could take all 5 siblings. I had 2 of the sisters for a month. For awhile, we were able to maintain phone contact but the foster mom put an end to it as she said the 2 girls were not bonding with her. I also had 2 boys who were RU. I was able to maintain contact for awhile but bio mom put an end to it as W, who I had from 6 to 8, called me mom millie. She said she couldn't handle it. I wish you luck and will say a prayer things will go better for you.

[Mkap]

Our first placement was an 8 year old girl. She was only with us for 3 months but we got very close. When she left I wrote her a letter and included our phone number. After not hearing from her for a few months I sent a Valentine's Day card to her last known address. Less than a week later she called us. She had lost the letter and phone number I'd given her, not uncommon since they move around so frequently. We maintained contact for a little over two years. It was a fine line. Her mom called us one winter day frantic because she was getting evicted and needed us to take "S" indefinitely. We took her but after a week stipulated that the mom had a month to get things sorted out or we would have to go through CSB. She took "S" back before the deadline. we still saw her after that but the last time S confided in us that she was living with a convicted child predator. She said when his parole officer comes to the house she has to hide. We notified CSB immediately. The mom called us a day later totally angry and said we would never see S again.That was about 5 months ago and we haven't heard from her since. It sucks b/c we worry about S but we feel we did the right thing. I pray that she is ok
When my current fd leaves next month the stepmom has promised to maintain contact and provide updates. I hope this works and who knows, maybe we'll get to see fd again one day.

[blubutterflies03]

my "Baby B" left over 2 months ago. The court ordered weekly visits bacause we have his half brother. We have only seen him 3 times since he left. We have made efforts, but it seems that the bio-Dad may be jealous of my husband. There were all kind of promises of visits, sleepovers, and being part of our family. It seems that alot of that was just all talk. Sorry I am being on the real here. I am disappointed that the visits have not been maintained like I hoped over here. I am hoping maybe after time, maybe the bio-dad will let Baby B see his half brother. good luck.