[momsphotoop]

On the first night two nights she was with us J cuddled and fell asleep on my husband lap/chest. I thought for sure she was going to bond much more quickly with him then I. He always made her laugh and smile then after about two weeks she just could not stand him, we though for the past two months it had a lot to do with the fact that he picks her up from her mom visits and they were so traumatic for her in the beginning, we really thought she just saw him as the bad guy. But for the last 3 weeks I have been picking her up from the visits and she still can’t stand him. He tries constantly with her, sits on the floor to play, talks to her, tries to take her for walks etc.. He is also home every Thursday with her and my 6 year old and J just gets so angry when he comes near her, my 6 year old ends up having to help out more then he should have to (though he loves it lol) It is starting to wear really thin on my husband, it is upsetting him. He is thick skinned and very patient with her but I feel terrible when she goes right into someone else’s arms even people she never met yet she won’t go near my husband She also can’t stand my father who is the sweetest grandfather ever!! She will on occasion go to other men with no problem but the two closest to her she really hates and lets them both know it. Any ideas why this could be?
There is no known history of abuse, she was a neglect case. Though her mom was abused by her boyfriend who she is still living with so we really don’t know for sure if she was abused in anyway.
Any ideas to work through this issue??

[MommyAlysia]

Do you think she could have RAD or some degree of AD? I don't know much about it, mostly what I have read here, so I am not sure how likely it is at under 2. The fact that she will go to other people she doesn't know but rejects the 2 men closest to her kind of makes me wonder.

ETA Even if she doesn't have any degree of AD, it might help to have hubby try some attachment techniques with her. Maybe he just reminds her of someone in her past? Maybe its something really small but big to her (like maybe his voice is too deep or too loud) who knows? Maybe she just needs time. MAybe have him take control of her routine when he gets home?

[momofMikhail]

My 2 yr old ds has been been home for 15 months now, and started the same thing with dh about 3 weeks ago. I had him evaluated and found out he has anxiety issues. My daughter is on summer break, so of course his routine has changed. The therapist feel that this change in routine has caused ds to remember something about his past that is very upsetting to him. And for some reason he is taking it out on dh (the memory could be about a male).

We are currently trying some techniques that seem to be working. First, don't push her on your dh. You start whatever it is dh wants to do with her, slowly add dh to the fun, after awhile become the back drop, but don't leave the room untill she's ready to be alone with him. Take turns feeding her, you give the first few bites. Then let dh feed her a bite or two, until shes ok with dh feeding her himself. Basically, everything you do with her do as a team with you and dh, only you get to be the leader.

If she is upset you need to comfort her (unless she is ok with your dh doing it). Let her know that it is okay for her to show her feelings, and she is safe with both of you. Don't let her get to the point that she is in a rage (it is harder on her, and doesn't help the situation).

[jllambert]

My sweet litttle "I" is the same way with my husband and my teenage son! Both are the sweetest men you would ever meet! We have just sort of adjust and excepted that I am always going to have to do most with her or tolerate the fit she will pitch if either of them try to do thinks with her! She is handicap so there is lots of 1 on 1 to do.
It is not all men that she dislike. She loves older men (my step-dad and father inlaw are her favorite people)! My husband could just say her name and she would freak. We have had "I" in our home for 16 months now. Recently whenever she would pitch a fit for no reason we would put her intime out until she calmed down (it usually takes 30 seconds to about a minute). Now more and more she is letting my husband and son help her and speak to her. She is even being loving to my DH. The major turning point was when I left all the kids(we have 5) for 3 days with my husband to go on a little trip with friends. I was so worried about him and her both and feared the weekend would be awful, but they were like to peas in a pod when I got home, and still are!!
Hang in there and tell DH to hang in there too, and continue to be loving but firm with her. I believe things with my DH and "I" would have gotten better much sooner if we had not let her behavior change the way we did things with her. Just to avoid the fits I did 90% of the care with her and she never even gave him a chance. Once we stopped that she really has started to bond with him and trust him!