[EandDmom]

So the kids mom is upset she can't see them on the 4th since its a holiday DCS is closed so no one to supervise.
Her therapist/coach for how to take care of the kids supervised yesterday when she brought the kids back she said mom wants me to ask you if she can come with you and the kids to see fireworks. Dh immediately said no way. We have been advised to avoid her as much as possible since she had threatened to kill us and do us bodily harm. She said ok no problem I'll tell her have a great time. Casa also said no way she lost that privilege and if she had been working her plan better she would have her kids by now or at least unsupervised overnights and could have taken them herself. Caseworker said no way you did and said the right thing.
Therapist said no problem and I love when I can say no and its for a reason/problem you created.
So why the heck do I feel so guilty?

[shavon]

Because you love the kids. And sometimes it is hard not to feel bad for them even with all the circumstances. Hang in there and enjoy the 4th

[EandDmom]

Originally Posted by shavon

Because you love the kids. And sometimes it is hard not to feel bad for them even with all the circumstances. Hang in there and enjoy the 4th

Ahhh bingo!! Thank you! That actually helped me feel less guilty. I'm not really feeling guilty about her ..firm believer in consequences especially with biomom..but i was feeling guilty for the kids. Heck they are so young who even knows if they will be awake when the fireworks go off anyway.

[lakin11]

Just celebrate them w/ us instead! I often feel guilty about things, but I've learned to let it go most of the time. More so w/ the akids bio mom and the fkids. Of course, I think she deliberately tries to make me feel guilty about things so I give into her.

If she does what she needs to do, she'll get to spend the rest of the 4th's with them.

Given your situation, I'd be worried about who else might tag along w/ her....and what she's got up her sleeve.....

[ScrapMonkey]

Our baby's bios didn't show up for a visit last week after I drove 1/2 hour to get there. They had transportation issues. Their loss. I felt guilty that they couldn't make it because I know they are really working and trying to get the baby back. But you go on with your plans and try again next week.

[EandDmom]

Originally Posted by lakin11

Given your situation, I'd be worried about who else might tag along w/ her....and what she's got up her sleeve.....

Oh believe me that was very much in my mind.

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by EandDmom

Oh believe me that was very much in my mind.

Guilt is a natural mommy emotion, I think. But you'd have to be plain NUTS to enjoy the fourth of July with someone who has threatened to kill you! Glad to see you're sane ...now try to let go of the guilt ;-)

[EandDmom]

Originally Posted by stevenstwin

Guilt is a natural mommy emotion, I think. But you'd have to be plain NUTS to enjoy the fourth of July with someone who has threatened to kill you! Glad to see you're sane ...now try to let go of the guilt ;-)

LOL Well I frequently say these kids are making me insane. Guilt is gone.

[Hadley2]

Originally Posted by EandDmom

Her therapist/coach ... said mom wants me to ask you if she can come with you and the kids to see fireworks.

Why the heck did she even ask you? Why did she allow the mother to even think she would ask you? Why did she think visitation arrangements could bypass the cw and why did she leave the mother with that impression?

You feel funny about it, I think, because now the mother thinks you are responsible for denying her a holiday with her children. Not a great thing for someone who already wants to kill you to think.

Therapist/coach person needs a good talking to, IMO.

[EandDmom]

Originally Posted by Hadley2

Why the heck did she even ask you? Why did she allow the mother to even think she would ask you? Why did she think visitation arrangements could bypass the cw and why did she leave the mother with that impression?

You feel funny about it, I think, because now the mother thinks you are responsible for denying her a holiday with her children. Not a great thing for someone who already wants to kill you to think.

Therapist/coach person needs a good talking to, IMO.

I don't think she knew they had already told her no. Caseworker sent out her visit notes after the kids were home from the visit the therapist/coach lady did where caseworker said she had already told her no. I am very lucky that all visits are supervised and the casa, caseworker and the coach lady all take notes and send to each other. They include me in the emails so I actually get too see all the notes from every visit. It is nice because I know if it went bad or well and what to expect from the kids because of it.
I still agree she should not have made it our decision and yes it just gave their mom more reason to hate us and think we are out to destroy her family.

[irelady10]

You have a good heart, EandDmom. This is why you feel guilty. But, you know what you need to do to keep the kids and yourself safe. Its not easy to make those decisions, because you can empathize with the biomom and how she must feel to miss her kids.

I'll share my own personnal guilt situation of late: I ended physical visits with my son's birth parents because they are unstable and I'm worried about his safety. I know this is the right decision to make, but I still feel guilty because I can empathize with his birthparents and I know that my decision hurt them. But, I had to make the decision I did for my baby's safety. It doesn't take the guilt away, though.

FWIW- I think you and DH made the right decision.