[momsphotoop]

I don't know why but I really dread Tuesdays! The baby handles the visits fine now, no issues at all. But I don't know why I get so anxious over it!!
Well I am off to bring her to the visit ugh!

[mamachell]

I hate visit days too. I guess I feel like everytime I go the birthfamily tries to drop some type of bomb on me or make me feel guilty. I always stress-eat on visit days!

Are you moving towards TPR? I found once TPR was scheduled it's been getting worse.

[jeni-b]

Well I think HATING visits is a shared feeling in this house. The oldest has anxiety, the middle shuts down afterward, the baby has seperation anxiety -- all in all a crummy day

[QueenEsther]

Oh goodness, yes. Twice a week. First I'm worried about whether she'll show, then what she'll do if she does show, then how FS will react, then the reaction I'll get from CW when I try to explain what Mom did at the visit, then the call I'll get from CW with Mom's complaints.

Why yes, we did have a visit yesterday, complete w/ Mom trying to con our home address out of preschool staff, FS sobbing on the ride home and throughout the evening, and no one giving a **** about any of it.

I am having a hard time dealing w/ the fallout from yesterday...can you tell?

Edited because I feel I should add that I don't begrudge her the visits, I just hate that she cannot control herself during them, and the effect that has on FS.

[Mkap]

when we thought we were going to be able to adopt our fd I used to get so anxious, my stomach would be in knots. Now that I know she will be reunified with family I almost forget when visit day comes. I think for me, I have only gotten anxious over visit days when I have hopes of adopting my foster child. Right or wrong, it's just how it's been for me. It's hard though to be anxious on those days. Hang in there.

[momsphotoop]

Ding Ding Ding!! Mkap hit the nail on head, that must be it. Do I really think I am going to adopt J...No but most involved from DSS thinks it will end up going to TPR, they have no faith in the mom's abilities. My gut tells me she will end up back wth mom, I dont know why, maybe i am guearding my heart. But I have fallen so in love with this little girl and she is so attached to me that of course i want to adopt her and keep her forver! lol So I guess my anxiety has a lot to do with that. Also her crying this time when I left her for the visit hurt me more then when my son cried for at daycare!
Mom was 30 minutes late today So I ened up in the room with the supervisor playing with J. The supervisor could not believe how interactive and happy she was and outgoing. She said when mom is there visiting the baby is very blank and non reactive and won't even crack a smile. Of course I was beaming on the inside, I know that's a little self indulgent

[EandDmom]

Well we are currently at 5 visits a week so mon-fri we have visits. That is why I hate them the 3 year old hates going everyday and tries to hide into the sofa when the caseworker shows up to get them. I hate that part of it. At least their caseworker is excellent about saying if you have plans let me know and we will work around you. Thank goodness I don't have to take them anymore caseworker transports them everyday.

[mamachell]

eanddmom,

5 days a week?! Are they going to be ru'd soon? How long will you have to do these visits? Wouldn't they just have longer visits less frequently?

[EandDmom]

Originally Posted by mamachell

eanddmom,

5 days a week?! Are they going to be ru'd soon? How long will you have to do these visits? Wouldn't they just have longer visits less frequently?

Don't think they will...they were close to starting semi unsupervised and their dad came back into the picture. He is living with their mom now and first thing he has to do is take a paternity test to prove he is the dad since he is not listed on any of the birth certificates and then he gets a caseplan to work. So far he hasn't bothered to do anything so it is being held in limbo for him. They are now refusing to do even semi supervised because they know mom will sneak dad in to see them. We are hoping he keeps dragging his feet come Sept they can refile TPR. Oh and the reason for so many visits is they are going with the give her enough rope she will hang herself theory. They go for 2 hours 4 times a week and one day a week they go for 4-6 hours. It is starting to drag on the kids somedays even our fd says she doesn't want to go and she is the only one attached to and wants to see their mom.

[Mummy_Big_Bird]

Oh, the dreaded visit day! We actually have one tomorrow...the first one in three months!

They have been worse for me, since I found out that I would be adopting D. My mama bear in me just wants to protect her from the person who did those horrible things to her! (Our case was fast-tracked to adoption after she had been RU for 8 weeks and new charges happened...When I was called to take her back, I was asked if I would adopt her in the same sentence!) I hate having to look in that face and tell her that she is staying forever, but she still needs to go see “Mama N”.

The reason I dread visit day the most is the fact that I know what D will be like afterwards. The last two visits she had, she had nightly nightmares FOR WEEKS! With this visit, I know it is going to mark the end of my summer. I will be spending the next month helping her get over the visit.

(please don’t bash me) But it makes me sick that MY CHILD has to suffer, just because “Mama N” wants to play parent for an hour.

But in our case, there is NO chance at RU now. The surrender papers were signed 2 months ago. The court house our case is in allows the visits to continue until the adoption is FINALIZED. She is allowed one, one hour visit a month. The workers are telling me that they are trying to make this the last visit before the adoption, but I know that won’t happen. It all depends on if “Mama N” keeps calling.

[marigold]

Are visit days ever truly pleasent. For me the anxiety starts the night before the visit. My oldest son has RAD and an PTSD and only functions well with planning. So I have to debate on telling him about the visit and having a bad night and a bad day at school (or daycare) or not telling him and having him freak when the worker comes. It is a mess! We are also at an uncomfortable place right now termination is almost over (we ran out of court time and had to be reschedualed for two months out ) so visits are down to once a month. THe kids therapist had told them visits would be over though so my sons are so confused! After court at the end of July there is only one more visit and it is the goodbye visit! I cannot wait to let these kids truly heal from that!

[carlychan]

I may be the odd one out here, but I enjoyed seeing my FC's mom. Granted, until TPR, it made me nervous, but I really like her. It may be because I knew the kids would not be RU'ed with her and we have a good relationship. I really wanted her to see that her kids are/where well taken care of and getting all the love that she never received. I think it was reassuring to her (thus helping her to deal with not having her kids with her).

On the other hand, the few visits we had with other family members where not so pleasant. One, they were a "threat" to us adopting our FC. Two, they didn't like me (because of race/language issues...they didn't know me personally). So, I can understand not liking visits. But I also know how "good" they can be for everyone to heal and feel comfortable.

[Mkap]

Oh, wait a minute, I have another reason why I sometimes hate visit days - when you wake up extra early, wake your newborn up at 6am and take her to grandma's, wake fd up and get her dressed, hair combed etc., pack her into the car, oh, did I say extra early?? and then after you rush and you get to the visitation center and guess what..... bdad isn't coming today, he doesn't feel well. Uggggggggggg!!!! It's a lie, he feels fine. One week his knee is sore, the next week he has to have his truck worked on, the next week he has allergies and now he's sick. Whatever!!!!!!! It wasn't as bad when we only had our fd but now that we have our adopted daughter as well we have to make a lot of arrangements on visit day, it changes our entire schedules. I know, it's what we have to do as foster parents, but annoying when they don't bother to come.

[gdaisy]

BOY OH BOY do I hate visit days... my fd gets 2 supervised visits a week.. we have TPR trial set for October. So mom is trying to prove she can be a parent (UGH DON'T GET ME STARTED.... mom burned foster daugthers mouth on food last week...) Anyway she leaves okay but comes home and she is extra clingy so she gets lots of loves and she is mad at the other two children in my home because they don't have to go... IE. throws toys at them, hits them etc. UGH!!! I HATE VISIT DAYS!!!

[sadoyle1216]

I definitely dread visit days. FD gets one 2 hour visit a week, alternating between bioparents and biograndparents. The visit is done over lunch time, which they have yet to actually bring her lunch. (This week it was cake). FD is turning 2 this weekend and is a completely different child when she comes home and through the next morning. She's normally a very happy little toddler, but visit days and the next morning, she angry, aggressive and loses a lot of the progress she has made. Bioparents are refusing drug testing, but since they're contesting the removal (which happened almost 6 weeks ago), she's still under emergency care. Bioparents don't have a caseplan yet, so CPS can't stipulate that they do *anything* in order to visit. The poor little peanut has such a hard time after visits, it breaks my heart and is a TON of work trying to help her cope again.