[thelowlanders]

Thought of you alot of the day yesterday. How are things?

[Chancey]

Bumping up. Anyone heard?

[millie58]

Could he go to jail on hearsay??? I had a teenager whose biomom encouraged his sister to say she was sexually abused if she didn't like the foster home she was in.

[MamaS]

Apparently he could, if the powers-that-be believe a five-year-old who told the same story (coached by his mother) to get moved from a previous foster home. This is the second biggest disadvantage to being a foster parent -- the agency that hired you, trained you, chose you to fp their children, and regularly does home visits and interviews (or is supposed to) -- that same agency turns on you and becomes your accuser based on the word of an angry or frightened child.

[shavon]

I am going to take a different stand here.

If her hubby is innocent (who really knows but them?) then I dont see how it could lead to jail time. On the other hand, if it were your child in the home and allegations were brung up by your child wouldt you want it investigated to the fullest???? And if the allegations just happened to be true wouldnt you want the person to go to jail????

DFS has a job to do... If it is just false accusations I have to believe that the truth will be found...If not then yes I believe the guilty should pay.. I would rather hear of an investigation that to read in the paper (as we have so many times) that yet another foster parent has beaten or killed a foster child.

I wish you all the luck in the world.. If it is truly false accusations and lies then I hope things get cleared up very quickly and you can move on with your lives..

[dachshunds4you]

Shavon:
How many people have been wrongly accused and been imprisoned for years? You can believe all you want the truth will be found out, but that can take a lot of money and time to get to it.

I would suggest if you can't support this thread, you don't post on this one again. It's not fair to turn a concern for others into a negative thread as I've seen so many do.

hadley - pls let us know what happened. I've been thinking about you everyday since last week and hoping all is ok.

[plum93]

Honestly I just can't imagine no matter what happens it leading to jail time. I see hundreds and hundreds of documented child abuse cases come through my desk and I believe I have seen less than 5 that have any sort of criminal justice aspect to them that have even involved charges.

It is just insane that it is the foster parents that they go after when they do! Millions of kids in care from abuse at the hands of their parents... and they go after the foster parents.Where is the justice?

[MamaS]

Originally Posted by shavon

I wish you all the luck in the world.. If it is truly false accusations and lies then I hope things get cleared up very quickly and you can move on with your lives..

The allegations weren't made by the child. The allegations were made by the parent, who had coached the child during visitation.
As for "moving on with their lives" -- their lives will never be the same. They will never feel safe fostering again, even if DFCS would place a child there. The child they hoped to adopt has been removed already. Do you think DFCS is going to say "Oops. Sorry we made a mistake. We will move him back."? I don't. And there will always be self-righteous people who say "No smoke without fire - there must have been something to it -- DFCS doesn't make mistakes -- A child wouldn't lie about something like that -- etc."

This is a support thread -- not a discussion of legal processes thread -- and I totally support this family in my thoughts and prayers.

[klriggins]

Sorry it has taken so long... DH went up there and they had moved it to Tuesday (tomorrow) at 2. Meeting with the attorney at 12. Nothing new has happened except that the non relative that saw him before he left for his moms house called the PD investigator and told her that he would like to make a statement, she told him that if she needed his statement she would call him back. Nice, huh? Attorney thought that was interesting and said he would be following up on that.

So tomorrow at 2...think good thoughts.

[potentialsinglemom]

I am so happy you chimed in. We have all been so worried and are praying for you.

[Nevada Jen]

You will be in my thoughts. What you are going through is my greatest fear with fostering. Hopefully tomorrow you can exhale!

[irelady10]

You are in my thoughts and prayers, as you have been since you posted this horrible story.

Stay strong. Please let us know how the hearing goes tomorrow.

BTW- I think that they are following through on this patricular accusation because they are afraid of legal action by the birthmom. Your poor husband is the fall guy- the unfortunate person who the LAST accusation was made against. This whole thing is wrong. I am so sorry you are your family are going through this.

Wasn't your foster baby (the one not related to the child who made the accusation) returned to you?

[klriggins]

**Didnt get arrested!!***

so..He didnt go to jail.

The credibility of the report was mentioned, all the other allegations against us, all the inconsistencies with the report as far as timing, the documented allegations last time in which the child told them that his mother said if DH and I got in trouble they got to go home. It was also brought to their attention that of course he wont change his story now because they got what they wanted, that they got to stay with their mother because we got in trouble. All of it was brought out. I was looking through the digital camera and found pictures of bruises we had tried to report that we were told it was "different supervision". Invesitgator found that interesting...She was SO hateful to DH. The other investigator knows us very well (i work for police dispatch) and was sitting there shaking his head. The other one walked out for a minute and he said, in the middle of recorded interview, i think this is "b*** s***".

So it will be forwarded to the prosecutors office, but whether they decide to file charges on it depends on their opinion of the interview. So not out of the woods yet but at least over a BIG long bridge.

And there were comments made above about how our lives will never be the same...you are right. It wasnt that we had just "hoped" to adopt him. We were told we WOULD BE adopting him. Rights had been terminated, no other family members found, we were it. So please dont flame me for what I'm about to say.

Nothing will ever be the same. I will never look at these parents with the same eyes again. I know how it feels to be acccused and feel like the world is against you and there is nothing you can say or do. I know what it is like...scrambling to find pictures of us to send with him because i'm afraid he will forget me. I know what its like to buckle the child i have had since birth with no family contact in 15 months , into a strangers car and explain his routine and to watch him smile as i shut the door because he has no idea it might be the last time he ever sees me. I know what it feels like to desperately try to stop crying because he keeps wiping my eyes off for me. I know what its like to secretly hope that he throws up all over them and stays awake all night because I dont want them to enjoy their time with "my" baby.I know how many bugs are out at night on my back porch because I slept there. I couldnt go into my house because all i could see were his things and i didnt know whether i should pack them or leave them out for him. Sickening, I know. But if you had done it, you would understand.

And to Shavon-- I can appreciate your viewpoint on this situation. I too have tried to consider this. If it were my child..I would want it investigated. However, in this situation, this mother has made allegations against the last 5 foster homes. Her children have been in 9 homes. I have reported bruises and marks and the things the kids report to me on a weekly basis to the caseworker and it has been blown off as "a different level of supervision" or the mother says "well, you know they make up stories". I'm not asking for different treatment, i am asking for THE SAME. 4 days before she made these allegations we had a "family team meeting" in which it was again said that the children were making things up about their moms house. They asked DH and I if we would share with her and help her with how we dicipline in our home because she was having trouble with them during visits. She was told that if anything else happened they were going to TPR and ntohing would change it. Lo and behold, the kid has marks, and is MUST be us. So I guess you are right, no one really knows what happened except my husband and I. But anyone who knew ANY of the back story would have a pretty good idea who is the most credible person in the whole mess.


I'm not sure we will ever foster again. The only thing that is giving me some uncertainty about the decision is that I feel as though we are called by God to do what we do. I believe that Satan will throw everything in your path to stop doing what God calls. If I am truly called to do this, I need to trust Him. My 5 year old reminded me that if I dont do what God says i will get swallowed by an enormous fish.


Thank you for the prayers, i will keep you all updated as the madness continutes.....

Oh and to clear up the confusion, Yes they did bring "L" back. The judge said that they had a huge lack of communcation and that they "grossly overreacted".

[Nevada Jen]

At least that's a half exhale. It certainly sounds like you are now on the right track. May good things come your way!

[athikers]

I know what you mean about suddenly knowing what it feels likes to have "your" child taken from you. I'll never forget the day two years ago when my first two foster children, who we were chosen to adopt, we removed from our home to go to family they'd never met. It gave me a very different perspective on things and opened up my eyes to what the whole process is like from the other side.

I'm glad things are looking up for your family and please don't give up... your child is waiting.