[carlychan]

I think this is normal, but wanted to get other opinions. My 10 month old fd came to live with us 7 weeks ago (as adoptive placement). We had visits and overnights for a couple of weeks before that. She has always seemed to "like" me. After a couple of weeks with us she really started to show more bonding signs. She reaches for me, smiles when she sees me, is soothed by me, etc. The last couple of weeks she has gotten VERY clingy when around other people. She had an developmental evaluation and she seemed very scared of the therapist. If my friends try to hold her she cries and reaches for me. Even if she is in a stroller and others talk to her she wants to go away from them (I know because she stops crying when we turn around).

I am really glad she is bonding/attaching to me, but it seems like she is scared someone is going to take her away. It breaks my heart! I feel so bad for her if she is scared that every stranger is going to take her away from her home (again). Is this normal? Is it worse because of her age (a normal stranger anxiety age anyway)? Can I do anything besides hold and reassure her?

[yogamama]

It does sound like normal stranger anxiety exacerbated by her situation.

I am assuming that she is not in daycare.

You may want to help her learn that you will always come back by having other people watch her for short periods of time (1-5 minutes to start). Say things like "mama always comes back" and then have the caregiver repeat that if she gets upset. Then gradually begin to lengthen the time away... if you do it now, (especially if you are able to do it every day) within a short period of time, she should learn to trust that you will always return and it MAY help with the stranger anxiety. But if you don't you may wind up with a 3 or 4 year old who refuses to let you out of her sight...and that is not fun.

Obviously I don't know all the details of your situation, so you may know better than I if this is an appropriate approach in your case, but this technique really helped with my daughter's stranger anxiety at that age. I saw some of my friend's go through not being able to use a babysitter until their child was 5 because they did not start early enough...

[dachshunds4you]

Our kids went through the same thing, most a little younger when it started, but lasted until well past 10 months. She didn't really like anyone to hold her. I'd let them and stay right next to them, saying Mommy's right here. I'd play with her while the other person held her. It helped to ease her anxiety. She would even cry when I left her with my DH.
I found a really good friend/babysitter who is excellent with kids. I started having her watch her a few days a wk for a few hrs each time. It really helped her to play with other kids as well as me not be around.
Our AD has blossomed and does pretty well with everyone.

Yoga's suggestion are really good and would agree by leaving her some times with friends.

[CaddoRose]

It does sound normal although it can be exacerbated by her previous experiences in foster care. Without knowing what her situation was, I will say that just the entire ordeal of family visits, going back to foster family, etc, really upsets their sense of safety and permanency. As far as she knows, she keeps getting taken away from the people she cares for, and she doesn't want it to happen again.

Object permanence usually comes at around 5-6 months of age, but since being in foster care can disrupt the normal progression of development, she might not be there yet. Actually playing a little game of peek-a-boo can help by extending the time she can't see you as you play with her. I extend mine to going outside and closing the door and popping back in immediately and then working from there.

Everything you describe seems within the normal range of emotions and actions for a child this age though. Some have stranger anxiety and others don't.

[luvmykids4]

We have a similar situation. Our fd is 16 months, and came to us at 12 1/2 months. She comes from a domestic violence situation, so things were maybe more pronounced. I have had the same thing - bonding, preferring me, running to me, etc. We have always tried to stay consistent. She took about 7/8 weeks to 'settle' in completely, even though we felt that she liked us pretty much from the beginning. Since we've had extra visits, classes, with birth mom, we've seen increased clinginess, whining, etc. This is probably just part of your daughter's adjustment. Her age is also part of the deal! We just try to maintain consistency, reassure her, and hold on! I'm sure she'll progress.

Good luck.