[mommy2fiveplus]

I was wondering how african american foster parnets view thier foster children in reguards to adoptability. I am CC and Don is BR (although appears hispanic). We live in a small northern rural city where there are few AA people and zero AA foster parnets that I am aware of. It has never occurred to us to not foster a specific race and when it comes to adoption on any of our foser children race was never a deciding issue. I tend to fall in love with anything that walks through the door and can't imagine fostering a child for a long period of time and then choosing not to adopt because of race.

However, we recently visited a larger city, where we met many AA foster parents, some who were fostering CC children. When I inquired as to adoption of these kids I was informed by several of the parents that they would not adopt a white child. One of these foster parents had been parenting the child for 6 years (he was 10 years old). Another family was in the process of adopting one of thier AA foster children who was 3 years old, but they were not pursuing adoption of the other 3 years who was CC and they had had in thier home even longer.

I will say that none of these parents seemed to have any problem that we are fostering 2 boys who ae AA and will likely be adoptimg if it goes that way (likley). I have encountered the "blacks kids belong with black parents" menatlity, but not in this group. I just was wondering if other AA foster parents felt this way as well. I can definetley see that an AA couple raising a CC child in this country could pose questions and barriers, as unfortunate as that is to say. But, raising any child in the foster sytem poses barriers. And I was wondering why they would be willing to foster CC kids but not adopt them?

I also know that other AA foster parents have adopted thier CC foster kids (Committedsoul being a recent one that comes to mind). I guess I am just wondering what the thought process is for some AA parents.

I would like to state that I certainly hope this thread does not take a nasty turn. I am posting out of wanting a better understanding. So please if youy have some insight it would be greatly appreciated but keep the bashing to youselves.

[Boulderbabe]

No insight, but what is BR?

(I admit, I'm not up on all the transracial family issues. My kids have been white, hispanic, or American Indian, and little enough so that the whole identity thing just hasn't been an issue. We don't have many African American families in my area.).

[mommy2fiveplus]

BR is biracial. Don is CC/AA but looks CC or hispanic. His parents (that rasied him, dad and step mom) are AA, so he was raised with that culture. I understand the culture difference can be an issue but it seems to me that it is the same for a CC couple raising AA kids. Incidentally he and one of our bio daughters get really dark in the summer. Once he took our foster at the time but now adopted son to the store and security guards were summoned because they thought he may have "stolen" him. You see, our son (foster at the time) is blond haired and blue-eyed and pale as snow. That was 5 years ago and we have not had a spot of trouble since then and he takes our son places all the time.

There are not many AA families in our area either which may have been why he was questioned in the first place. However the place where we visited was a large city and there were plenty of AA and CC foster families. I guess I could kind of understand that mentality in our area where there are not any AA foster families anyway, but I guess I thought it would be different in a big city where there was so much more diversity.

[7brats]

I am an AA woman and my husband is CC.We have 3 bio kids who are all adults now and 4 adopted children who are all racially mixed.
We recently had a sibling group of 2 hispanic girls and but for the fact they went to kinship we would have adopted them.The older girl looked hispanic and the younger child looked CC.When I had them out and the baby would call me mommy( I am dark skinned) you should have saw people do a double take.They were my girls and I do not care what race they were.Since my husband is CC I don't think it would matter to me what the race of the child is and I like you feel that I would attach myself to any child that came into my home for a long time.
I will never consider the race of a child when it comes to the adoption of a child,I got into foster care to help families and children and that is what I will continue to do,rather the children is black,white or purple.

[committedsoul]

I would just like to chime in here...

When I first went into foster/adoption, I went in with the mindframe of helping all children, regardless of color. When it came down to permanency, I never thought that I would adopt a CC child.

Reason: At the time (before I met the love of my life, Nathaniel), I felt that when it came to permanency, CC children had so many more opportunities and AA children are harder to place. I said then that if it came to adopting, I would adopt "MY" kids (meaning AA kids) because any CC child that came my way would have an easier time.

That was up until I met the child that would become mine forever.

Even when I met him, his plan was reunification, so adoption was never a thought. Mom worked her plan from beginning to end. He was NEVER neglected... NEVER abused... he was a voluntary placement. Mom was homeless. They were preparing to send him home (he was having overnights and everything) when mom called me one night and asked me if I would adopt her son because even though she loved him and worked her plan, she felt like she loved him so much that she wanted to leave him with me and be the 18 y/o that she was...

I didn't answer immediately, but took some time to think it over, confer with my family, the caseworker, and also with mom to make sure that she was making the right decision....

Mom and dad signed surrenders in June of last year...

I love them so much for giving me my sweetest blessing.

I went through hell and back when it came to keeping him. There was opposition from the department and other places, but all I knew was that despite what I may have thought a few months prior, I would fight until the death for my child.

When it came down to it, Nate taught me not to see color. I would have fought for him if he'd been purple with polka dots!

See, mommy2fiveplus, sometimes in the AA community (at least for me), I had the mindframe of wanting to help MY kids... but Nate IS mine... He taught me a valuable lesson in love.

than and i.jpg

[Withay]

Thank you committed for this wonderful insight.

I am single, white and a bit older than most who are adopting for the first time. My little guy would be considered unadoptable due to his many, many issues. To me, while he does have issues, he is perfect. He is who God wants me to parent. He is cc and the love of my life.

I also have a BR fc whom I hope to adopt. Funny thing, both kids are almost the same age, though VERY different in complexion, hair, etc and I still, almost everytime we are out have someone come up and ask me if they are twins.

I don't care one little itty bit about the color/race of my child. After all, isn't skin color mainly due to how much pigment there is in the skin?

Currently there are one cc, one aa/cc and one hisp/cc children in my home. I love my little rainbow family.

[mommy2fiveplus]

I feel the same way about my "little rainbow family", that is why I was so confused when the AA families I met didn't feel the same way about the CC kids they were raising as I do about the AA kids I am raising.

At first I thought it might be a cultural thing but I asked Don and he could not explain it either.

Thanks Comitted for your insight, I wondered if I might get the "your taking our kids" look when we mentioned that should the AA boys we have go to TPR we will adopt, for those very same reasons. I was suprised that they actually seemed very supportive but then again suprised when they didn't feel the same way about thier CC fks. I sometimes wonder if CC adopting AA is more acceptable just because it is more common and that perhaps the scrutiny of AA adopting CC deters families from doing so. But then why foster CC if you are AA and don't like the scrutiny. But maybe like me, the last thing they think to ask when they get the call is "what race is the child". Then once the kid is there it is difficult to say no.

I guess I just wonder what the biggest difference is between fostering a CC child and adopting a CC child from the perspective of AA foster parents.

[MommyAlysia]

That is so weird to me. I truly think people should adopt whatever race they are comfortable with, regardless of reasons. Even though I am open to all races I don't fault people for only being comfortable with certain races. Committed's reasons make a lot of sense to me but even if it were for the simple fact that they want their children to look like them I'd even understand that too. What I DON'T get is why even foster them long term to begin with? I mean that, of course, assuming they are a fost/adopt home, not a foster only home and I am referring to CC families who won't adopt AA children simply because of race just as much as I am referring to AA families not open to adopting CC children. I can't imagine how damaging that is for the children to be in a home with these people for so long but watch other children come in after them and get adopted. I am not being snarky, I just don't get it...

[irelady10]

This is an intersting post!

Thanks for the insight, committedsoul! I'm CC, about to adopt my AA fosterchild ( )! Its never mattered to me his race- like you said, he could be purple with polka dots- he is my love!

I'm opening my home in a few months in search of a fost/adopt (or short-term) placement and wondered if I should ask for a child who is the same race as my little man; but, I think that I will not do this and be open to whatever child God brings to us. I would love to have a rainbow family!

[Prettyboicris]

I think sometimes AA couples may not want to adopt CC children due to the added stress and stigma that may come with it. I know if I lived in different parts of the US I would fear for my safety if I were parenting a CC child. However my wife and I as an AA couple are open to adopting any race. We know that even in our liberal area we will get looks if that were to happen and maybe even some questions but nothing major. I have heard of in other place black men with light skin or even cc children have been approached by police because they thought that they were kidnapping the children. I think in situations such as that people may be able to deal with being foster parents but out side of that they may not be able to deal with the other things. I don't know. I will be honest if my wife and I were living in the deep south I would not feel as comfortable even fostering a cc child much less adopting because lynchings still happen and the KKK still exists and when people feel that AAs are threatening or tainting their mindset of "purity" it can become very dangerous for those AA individuals. I'm not saying it's right but at the same time I want to be alive to spend time with my children.
My Cousin moved to the sound his wife is Ecuadorian and their daughter is very fair skinned and looks more like her mother whom is very fair skinned. My cousin has been stopped by people including cops if his daughter was having a tantrum and he was putting her in the car. He has to carry his family photo as a second ID just to prove that is his child otherwise he would have been arrested more than once for kidnapping. Honestly he tries not to go places where he isnt known to avoid any excess attention. He and his wife just had another baby but this time he feel less anxiety due to having gone through the motions with one child already. It can be hard especially when racism is still alive in America. Not to digress too much but even just a few days ago in NYC which is considered a very "diverse" and "liberal" place. An AA cop was shot and killed by a white cop because he was assumed that the AA cop was a street thug because he was black. He shot first and asked questions later. Things like that happen still and it's sad.

I do think that the fact that they have had the children in their care for years and they don't want to keep the child if they were to be freed for adoption. That I feel will negatively effect the children. My thought is this, unless I am willing to adopt a child I should not take them in my home because I will be harming them in the long run if they were to stay with me for years then have to be adopted by another family completely strange to them. That's just me.

[committedsoul]

Originally Posted by Prettyboicris

I know if I lived in different parts of the US I would fear for my safety if I were parenting a CC child.

This was actually a driving factor in my move from Maine to NC. In Maine, I got sooo many comments, nasty looks, and stares. My other adopted child, Ben, was the only AA child in the school. I fostered a little boy (K) that got teased because I was black. I could only imagine what that would do to my son Nathaniel. He is full CC. I moved to NC and I live very close to Fort Bragg and there is military throughout our subdivision. It is incredibly diverse. I like that. I get a lot of double takes when he calls me mama, but not many dirty looks or anything like that. What I DO get are a lot of chances to explain foster/adopt because a lot of people want to know our story... apparently it's not too common.

I enjoy educating people.

[makarios79]

Look at that little cutie.....Tell him his Auntie said Happy Birthday (although I am just a little early)

Originally Posted by committedsoul

I would just like to chime in here...

When I first went into foster/adoption, I went in with the mindframe of helping all children, regardless of color. When it came down to permanency, I never thought that I would adopt a CC child.

Reason: At the time (before I met the love of my life, Nathaniel), I felt that when it came to permanency, CC children had so many more opportunities and AA children are harder to place. I said then that if it came to adopting, I would adopt "MY" kids (meaning AA kids) because any CC child that came my way would have an easier time.

That was up until I met the child that would become mine forever.

Even when I met him, his plan was reunification, so adoption was never a thought. Mom worked her plan from beginning to end. He was NEVER neglected... NEVER abused... he was a voluntary placement. Mom was homeless. They were preparing to send him home (he was having overnights and everything) when mom called me one night and asked me if I would adopt her son because even though she loved him and worked her plan, she felt like she loved him so much that she wanted to leave him with me and be the 18 y/o that she was...

I didn't answer immediately, but took some time to think it over, confer with my family, the caseworker, and also with mom to make sure that she was making the right decision....

Mom and dad signed surrenders in June of last year...

I love them so much for giving me my sweetest blessing.

I went through hell and back when it came to keeping him. There was opposition from the department and other places, but all I knew was that despite what I may have thought a few months prior, I would fight until the death for my child.

When it came down to it, Nate taught me not to see color. I would have fought for him if he'd been purple with polka dots!

See, mommy2fiveplus, sometimes in the AA community (at least for me), I had the mindframe of wanting to help MY kids... but Nate IS mine... He taught me a valuable lesson in love.

Attachment 82153

[committedsoul]

Originally Posted by makarios79

Look at that little cutie.....Tell him his Auntie said Happy Birthday (although I am just a little early)

I will!! I can't believe he is turning 3!!!

[millie58]

I think AA's feel white kids have it easier, even if it's in foster care. That's why they'd never feel comfortable adopting. At first I felt that way but when I was doing my homestudy, the cw said I could foster any race (I'm lightskinned). So I would foster anyone and if I did, I would also adopt that child. Prettyboichris is right; depending on where you live, people aren't as "enlightened" as the rest of us. There's a story on msnbc.com about a black man with a white daughter and the crap he's dealing with. Some people probably feel it's not worth the aggravation.

[mommy2fiveplus]

I think location might have been a part of the issue, where I was. We were in the South (kinda) and maybe that was part of the reason they would not adopt the kids. Maybe being able to say "they are my FOSTER kid" is easier or deflects from the issues than saying "they are my son/daughter". I live in the north in a rural community and thankfully as a CC parenting AA I don't get asked many questions because people know I am a foster parent and just assume the kids are foster and most have enough tact to zip thier lips.

I think the racism thing is way different in the US than it is elsewhere, because I have spoken to both CC and AA couples in Europe who have adopted children that are of another race and they don't act like it is any big deal.