[Withay]

I know that from time-to-time we all learn things that make us laugh. Other times we learn more serious things that can help others. This thread is for some of the latter. If you have learned things that can help other fp please post them here.

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1. A Tucker Sling (available on-line) can help an infant who has severe reflux sleep better.

2. Sometimes it is better to drive further to take your fc to a children's hospital than it is to go to several specialists in your area. You can keep all appts at one location and if your fc needs a referral to a different entity for testing this can be done much easier and faster.

3. If your toddler has issues with choking when drinking or eating it may help to use a little thickener (available at drug stores) to thicken the liquid. This can also help lessen the amount of spit-up an older baby experiences. Be sure to check with the pediatrician before adding thickener.

I know there are others, so I will add them as I remember them.

[Joei_in_NJ]

Great thread Withay - thanks

[c.a]

Never ever leave a naked baby in a playpen to take a shower.

It is amazingly hard to clean all of the poop off of the baby and the playpen.

[humanchild]

1. You learn who your true friends are when you become a foster parent.

2. Not everyone in your life will be able to attach to a child who may or may not still be in your life in a year- and if you cut out everyone who does not see your foster children as "your" children you may end up with no one left.

3. You may find yourself doing things you never, ever imagined you would do, because it is in the best interest of a child you love but may never see again. (like letting a nazi skinhead in your home for a party to "celebrate" the fact that he is getting his kids back)

4. NOTHING is EVER certain in foster care.

5. The not knowing is the hardest part.

6. It helps to keep pajamas in every size, an assortment of diapers and pullups, and chicken nuggets in the freezer- this minimizes the chances you will need to run to the store immediately after your new children show up.

7. Keep a head lice removal kit in your house at all times!

8. It helps to buy several of the really good quality waterproof mattress covers- not the crinkly vinyl kind, but the cloth ones. I have at least two for each bed. And more twin sized fitted sheets than I could count- most of which I got on clearance as single items at thrift stores.

(and one funny one for good measure): Don't let your 10 year old foster son watch "Ghostbusters" the movie unless you are prepared to answer the question, "What does menstrating mean?"

[shavon]

3. You may find yourself doing things you never, ever imagined you would do, because it is in the best interest of a child you love but may never see again. (like letting a nazi skinhead in your home for a party to "celebrate" the fact that he is getting his kids back)


I spit coffee all over that place when I read that one LOL...


I have learned that...playing nice with someone isnt always easy to do but it could be the difference between possibly seeing a child that has left your home and NEVER getting to see that child...

Great thread...

[CaddoRose]

1) people who are not foster parents don't understand how I can be so strict with discipline and I never, ever give an inch, but my kids are so polite and well behaved.

2) lavender scents in room really do help a child sleep better. I have a lavender fan, a sheet spray and a bath soap.

3) A white noise machine will help a child adjust to the new sounds of your house when they sleep by blocking it all out.

4) Wash sheets and pillow cases in a fragrance free laundry soap to minimize a child having a skin reaction from a new soap. (I find later they may adjust to a new soap)

5) Amuse your kids with colored syrup on their pancakes. Get a bottle of clear Karo corn syrup and use a few drops of any food coloring in it. The kids will think it is the greatest thing they have ever seen. Mine seem to like green the best and they don't care if it doesn't taste like the other kinds of syrup. I have a selection of 4 colors.

[shaslove]

Originally Posted by humanchild

4. NOTHING is EVER certain in foster care.

I would so agree with this.

I will add.

1.) Always be honest, even when you are afraid to answer the question.

[fostapeepz]

A huge ditto on the discipline one!!

What I have learned is to always document...EVERYTHING. You never know when you might need it.

[Kelly Rae]

When we get a new placement I start a binder (big) with dividers for notes, phone numbers related to the child, court docs, dr apts, notes, photos, ect. I keep this by the kitchen phone. If sw calls I always have important info handy not to mention it is available to add info as needed.

I have a day timer that I keep info on each child. Their prescriptions and drug store we fill them, all their dr including phone numbers and addresess, medical diagnoses, and sw's number's if applicable.

[stevenstwin]

"start out the way you plan to continue" - I made the HUGE mistake of having relaxed rules and a "fun" weekend when FS first came to us because I wanted him to feel welcome and like it here. But trying to add in rules and structure after the fact is very, very difficult, and "fun" every day is setting up unrealistic expectations!

[AmyAnne]

As a special needs foster/adopt parent... you run the show or Get Run Over

Your friends won't "get" it.

You have to ASK FOR what you need.

If you have a child over the age of 3, always have activities or books (mazes, dot to dot, math games, an etch a sketch, garfield book, dr seuss book, etc) in the car.

[mom2fabtwins]

If you keep a journal, the start of page two should be a repeat of the last sentense on page one. This will usually hold up in court if necessary as it can be proven to be pages in order and nothing missing. (ripped out page would not follow the pattern.

[amy_b]

1. Be prepared to answer the same questions over and over again from family, friends, and strangers. Most people don't understand all of this as well as those of us here do.

2. Having children in my home is 5 times more work than I imagined it would be, and 100 times more satisfying than I dreamed it would be.

3. I can't take it personally when my FC parent thinks I am not doing things "right" or good enough.

4. I need to not be surprised or offended when other people tell me how lucky our FC are to have us or what a great thing we are doing by adopting. I know we are the lucky ones. :-)

[thelowlanders]

these are all great and/or right on the dot. Especially the one about who sticks around once you start fostering.

Another I could add: Try to document everything with the workers. If they prefer to communicate by email, by all means, comm. only by email. And save or print all correspondence.
That really was good to know we could fall back on it for some of our meetings we've called. Their words in print kinda stop the he said she said battles.

[QueenEsther]

Make the crib with double or triple layers of fitted crib sheet, then waterproof flat sheet. For midnight accidents, wet sheets get pulled off, child is cleaned up and put right back into bed onto clean sheets.

I keep a daily log on the computer. I make a new document for each month. Date, mood @ wakeup, any contact I have with caseworkers, doctors, Mom, anyone else, and a little bit about what he was doing that day. I also note if a visit was scheduled, and if Mom showed. Helps for seeing patterns in how he reacts to Mom's visits, new foods, etc. At the end of the month I print it and put it in the child's binder.