[GaViolet]

We have an 11 year old fd that we are in the process of adopting. She is really wanting to change her full name. She says she has a boys name and we have tried to tell her that if its her name that it is a girl name and that it is unique. Lets say her name is Mark Trinton last name. This is not her name but close enough to get the point. My question is Should we let her change her name when we adopt her.

[Boulderbabe]

How about a compromise deal? She picks a super-frilly new firstname, and keeps her old name as middle names?

[saj]

I think you should go ahead and let her choose her own name. Many foster children have issues about not having control over the circumstances in their lives. This gives her big time control over a something hughe.

Saj

[hkolln]

I would let her change her name. She's old enough to understand the concept and knows how it makes her feel (is she being teased in school?). I would, of course, make sure she picks something you all can compromise with but I would maybe move her 1st name to the middle name spot and let her pick a new 1st name (with your approval).

[MamaS]

At her age, she understands what she is doing. I would let her pick a new name (with your approval). She may have issues with her old name (and old life) and want a fresh start. New parents, new life, new name!

[EandDmom]

I would absolutely let her. She is old enough to know what she wants. Like everyone else said she probably wants a fresh start and to help erase bad memories or is sick and tired of being teased for having a boys name. I have hated my name my whole life and would have loved to have had the chance to change it. Other people have told me its very pretty but I don't think so and I'm the one that has to live with it forever not them.
I would sit down and help her pick out a new name make it a nice family bonding moment.
Best wishes on your new family!!

[DreamingAzure]

At eleven I would let her change the whole thing if that is really what she wants. Some kids need to make a clean sweep of their old lives.

I agree with PP that it could be a wonderful bonding experience. I have a friend who allowed her son to change his name at 8(he had been made a Jr. even though 'dad' wasn't his bio and turned out to be a wife beater). They each made a list of 15 names that they liked and they made a big deal about going out to a nice restaurant and celebrating as they picked out new names. They corrosponded his name change along her with name change back to her maiden name. When it was final they had a little "new name" party with their close family and friends It was pretty neat

SO...at 11, unless she has some major cognative delays, she should be able to make a decision about that...and it's not that hard to change your name legally if at some point she decides that she doesn't like her new name and wants part of the old one back or wants a completely different one lol

[stevenstwin]

I'm against FORCING an older child to change their name, but if she WANTS to I'd say go for it! It might not even be the name, per se, but the fact that she wants a fresh start. Does she have any specific choices? What do you think of them?

[MPJJJ]

I would absolutely support a name change, even if she was only 6 years old. It is hell to go through life with a name that you hate, and that brings up bad feelings and memories every time you hear it. Been there.

[greenrobin]

I vote yes.

Bubba and Sissy are young--5 and 3--and they want to change part of their names when they legally join our family. To them, it means they belong with and to us. Bubba has chosen an old name that he'll replace his middle name with. Sissy...well, she has a favorite name that is a flower. I'm inclined to let her have it because it suits her and she feels strongly about it, even at 3.

There is nothing wrong with changing a name, especially if it's something the child wants. It's a new name for a new start.

Good luck in finding the right compromise for your family, be it in the change itself or the new name!

[Boulderbabe]

Originally Posted by greenrobin

Sissy...well, she has a favorite name that is a flower. !

OK, as long as it's not "Jack-in-the-Pulpit." Or "Spiderwort." I would definitely draw the line at Spiderwort! :-)

[dpen6]

As an adoptee( an old one at that), and a mother of 5 older kids I say let her. It will only serve to impower her and give her confidence that her opinion counts ... especially concerning the course of her life and indenity. That is VERY important at her age. I am assuming that in her 11 years she has not had a lot of that.

I am loving some o fthe responses here....the one where the poster was changing her name as well as the child changing theirs was priceless

[ranoutofnames]

My A1 never knew her middle name so we let her choose her own middle name.

One of my friends going through adoption had a daughter that wanted a name change... she wanted to be Brittney Spears. Well, that was a nix so they finally agreed to a different spelling of her first name.

Now that she's older and they have moved more than 50miles from where her bfamily lived out of nowhere her bmom showed up. She had seen a school roster from her neice and looked at the age the girl would be, eventhough there wasn't a picture she figured that it had to be the same child even with the spelling change so she went to the school... down hill spiral for that child emotionally since then.

Some people change to protect identity, some change to have a new start, and yet others just want to be Brittney Spears.

[GaViolet]

She does have a favorite and it is Madison Briegh. I think it is really cute . Thanks for all the responses. We are going to let her change it.