[laceyc]

Did any of you guys get cold feet going through the process? DH and I were talking about last weekend and we are both afraid of getting in over our heads. We have talked about it and prayed about it and want to proceed and see how things go. I just wondered if this was a "normal" feeling.

[excited2adoptsoon]

what part of the process are you referring to? Have you received a child yet?

Hubby and I got close to having cold feet waaay before any placements.... but I have to say, I thank the lord we followed through. It's been totally amazing for us. I personally think the outcome is much more rewarding for both of us than having a biological child.

[laceyc]

We are hoping to be licensed this month so no children yet.

[lkayb99]

I am not very far into the process but I get cold feet weekly it seems. I get nervous about the cost factor more than anything (financially). That's another story (our case is different).

Can you tell me what kind of clearances you need? We have only been in our current state for 3 years and we will need to get further clearance but our SW didn't tell us what and I am so curious. How long does the process from your old state take?

[excited2adoptsoon]

could you elaborate a little more on what your concerns are? I think financials could be a big reason to get cold feet...and that would be very tough if you can't afford it. I believe all foster/adopt kids cost much more than the stipend. Thankfully hubby and I have no financial issues.

If you backed out, would you have a biological child? Or are do you think your having cold feet about ever having children?

[RNFosterMom]

The only time I remember getting cold feet was when husband and I were lying in bed, relaxing and talking together after sleeping late -- and knowing those days would be over soon!!!

And with 14 month old and a 10 month old FKs in the house, they are long gone! But husband and I do allow each other to have one day to sleep in each week, and boy do we each look forward to our day!

[lkayb99]

Originally Posted by excited2adoptsoon

could you elaborate a little more on what your concerns are? I think financials could be a big reason to get cold feet...and that would be very tough if you can't afford it. I believe all foster/adopt kids cost much more than the stipend. Thankfully hubby and I have no financial issues.

If you backed out, would you have a biological child? Or are do you think your having cold feet about ever having children?

Lol. I'm not sure if you were talking to the OP or me, but I will answer anyway My concerns are not about adding a child, but just about the uncertainty of the system and the amount of time everything takes. We are doing adopt only of an out-of-state child so we have to pay for everything (fees, homestudy, travel, etc). While I know that all this can be reimbursed later and much of it *may* even be picked up by the child's state it is uncertain how much WE are going to have to spend up front. So, that is a bit of an issue.

I currently have 2 bios - I have no problem having children myself, my husband and I have just had some really good fortune with our youngest son and realized that it is important for us to do something to pay it forward...so here we are! We are looking for an older child to adopt.

[DannieAS]

I'm almost to the point of getting placed. I get cold feet all the time. I am financially secure, I understand development and the school system, and I know I have wonderful family support and would be a safe and loving home....

that being said, my anxiety comes out in dreams during the night so I haven't been sleeping well.

But to give you an example of a funny dream I had in relation to all this:

in my dream I get matched and placed with a 3 year old boy and he's hanging on the doors swinging back and forth while I'm there with my parenting books trying to figure out a way to positively bring him down....then I wake up in a panic....

ah, I'm excited and nervous and sometimes have cold feet but it is NORMAL because of everyone I've talked to and my cw affirms this "normality".

Best of luck

[laceyc]

We have a 2y/o BD and are ttc again after 2 m/c last year. We are fianacially secure and that is part of the reason we are going through this process. We want to be able to help out people who are in need. After losing 2 babies to m/c the thought that there are children in the world who do not experience a mother's love as it should be upsets me terribly and we just want to help. I guess the cold feet comes into play with the difficulties and baggage these kids carry with them. DH and I do not have family drama background and try to keep the drama down in our own home so purposefully bringing in kids who carry drama and baggage is a scary thing for us. Can we handle it? Although I do remember after I got pg with DD I freaked out too b/c I did not know if I could do it but she's 2 now and perfect in everyway.

[txwannabemom]

I think cold feet is just part of it. Even though I feel strongly that I am on the right path, the path God means for me to be on, even though I know I have the ability & commitment, support & health: I sometimes have to ask myself- are you sure? As for financials I think it prudent to be aware of the high cost and consider that changes in financail status can happen very quickly; it's vital to be prepared for that possiblity. Thinking about it is a good thing, dismissing it as a concern is probably not. Cold feet- that's normal.

[EandDmom]

Dh and I had lots of cold feet moments. His big one was when he was filling out all our financial info. He was mad he was having to tell complete strangers all of our personal information to be "judged". I was fine until the kids actually arrived and the first night I put them to bed and had a what the heck did I do moment. We both got over them and have had no regrets since then.

[mamallama]

I didn't have cold feet during the process. For me it always happens the night we get a new placement. When all the kids have gone to bed, I cry a river. I feel sorry for the kids, the birthparents, wonder how we'll all get along, wonder if I'll know what they need, worry that we won't get much sleep, etc. I always think "I shouldn't have taken this placement". And then when I wake up the next morning, it's all FINE! I wind up falling head over the heels for the kids and in a week or so, they just "fit" into our family so beautifully that I can't imagine life without them.

[EandDmom]

Originally Posted by mamallama

I didn't have cold feet during the process. For me it always happens the night we get a new placement. When all the kids have gone to bed, I cry a river. I feel sorry for the kids, the birthparents, wonder how we'll all get along, wonder if I'll know what they need, worry that we won't get much sleep, etc. I always think "I shouldn't have taken this placement". And then when I wake up the next morning, it's all FINE! I wind up falling head over the heels for the kids and in a week or so, they just "fit" into our family so beautifully that I can't imagine life without them.

OMG that is exactly what I did too!

[cabbagepatchkid]

Originally Posted by laceyc

Did any of you guys get cold feet going through the process? DH and I were talking about last weekend and we are both afraid of getting in over our heads. We have talked about it and prayed about it and want to proceed and see how things go. I just wondered if this was a "normal" feeling.

I remember getting cold feet before my 1st placement. I was getting so-o-o nervous about what kind of children I would get and any behaviors that they might have. My imagination was creating a monster in my mind.
I remember praying about it and God whispered in my ear, "They are only children". Then the thought occurred to me that the children coming into my home would be even more nervous than I was going to be. My first placements were a 1 yr old and a 2-1/2 yr sister/brother and I adopted them 2 yrs later!

[QueenEsther]

From the time we started classes until the time our FS was placed, I was super confident in our decision 23 hours/day. But every night I'd wake up in the middle of the night and worry for an hour - could we do this? How would we do this? What if? What if???

It's okay to get cold feet. The day our FS arrived, that stopped. I know we're doing the right thing for us, and for him.

I can't say the cold feet will go away, but please know that it's very, very normal.