[momsphotoop]

Hi all, we got our first placement of a beautiful 20 month old girl. Last night she was fine, came in to us really happy, played woth our son and fell asleep pretty easily. Today she was great! happy and calm, even napped on the couch for 2 hours. Then tonight she started crying anytime one of us would look at her. she has been crying for about 3 hours now with a few short 5 minuted breaks. she is miserable, por thing. she speaks, english and russian and it sounds like she is crying "momomom"
Is this normal that she is missing her mom on day two and to be crying out this much. I am sure it is, I guess i am looking for some reassurance that it's compltly normal for that age and it will pass...I hope lol Our dog kept me up ALL night last night so I am going on no sleep an am exhausted.
I just back off of her to type this and she seemed to be happy that I moved away from her, maybe she needs some space????
Also, she has never slept in a crib and I am lost at trying to get her to sleep in a way that wont traumatizer her, she has been kept in front of a tv by her mom and that is how she fell asleep everynight. How do I get her to go to sleep at decent hour in her crib or our bed.
Thanks
Heather

[birdiebabee]

I would start right off the bat with how you want her to sleep. If you want her to sleep in her crib with no tv then go for it. Our boys slept in bed with their parents and had a tv on 24/7 and both (we only had the two youngest then) slept with sippy cups. We had them in our room to fall asleep then would take them to their bed. We gave them what they wanted to keep them 'happy' and boy did it backfire. When we tried to get them into their own beds it was a fight, no tv was a fight. Unless you intend on doing that forever I would start right away with how you want her to sleep. She will realize this is a new environment and there are new 'rules' (i hate to use that word with such a young child). Little man was 22 months when he was placed with us and was the same way. If we looked at him he would fall apart. If my husband touched him he would fall apart. I held him and cradled him and nothing worked. When we finally found some consistancy on bedtimes and whatnot he was great. It took him a few days to come around. Now the 32 month old was WAY harder to break of those habits.

[Newshyde]

I'm sorry she is having a hard time today. I think its pretty normal. She's letting you know that she had fun, but she's ready to go home. It will pass, but ya, she may need some space and maybe a cuddle item.
About the sleeping space... My 4yo always fell asleep while watching movies with his dad, at about 11 p.m. or midnight every night. He was allowed to sleep on the couch until whenever and never had to take a nap.
The first 3-4 nights were pretty hard. I let him watch a movie before bed and as soon as it was over it was bed time. I started the bed time routine right from the start. For the first week I sat next to the bed and rubbed his back and sang songs to him until he was asleep. The second week I sang about 10 songs and then left. The third week I sang about 2-3 songs and then left. During that week he would get up about 2-3 times after I left. I did the super nanny thing where I just walked him back to bed, tucked him in and said good night. Now, I sing 1-2 songs, tuck him in, give him a kiss and leave. He almost never gets up. I know there is a big difference between 4 years and 20 months, but he did resist a bunch to the idea that he had to go to bed. Oh ya, I had to gradually move his bedtime from 9 p.m. to 8 p.m., that took about 3 months. Since he had to wake up by 7 or 7:30 every morning he got used to sleeping earlier.
At 20 months your FD may be able to handle a toddler bed, especially if she always slept on the couch, so the crib might be too confining and scary.
Oh ya, since he was used to falling asleep to the sounds of the TV I put a stereo right by his bed and played CD's really soft. Some of them were story CD's, some with songs, etc. He had to have them playing every night when he slept until about 2 or 3 months ago. One night he said he didn't want them and they made him stay awake and we stopped. He hasn't had them on since. Playing some sounds might help.
Good luck and congrats.

[beccals2]

That's so rough for the both of you. In my short time as a FP so far, I have seen that the children do pretty well the first night. They are so traumatized and overwhelmed, they are pretty tired and quick to sleep. The second and third night is when the heartbreak sets in. I won't lie to you...bedtime will be bad for a while. It will, however, get better after that rough spot.

I wouldn't give her the tv to help her to sleep. It will be really hard to break her of it. Have you tried a night light? Also, maybe you can softly play a soothing cd. She may adjust better with sound in the background rather than silence she is unaccustomed to.

Its really hard, but try to read what she needs. I had a 3yo FD that was scared to death at night and needed to be held. Other times she just wanted Mom and having me near her made her more sad. It took a while, but I eventually figured out what she needed from me each night. I also tried to send her to sleep with a happy thought about the next day. e.g. tomorrow we will play with bubbles, swim in the pool, make a cake, etc. 20 months is probably too young for this though. I'm out of ideas at the moment. Just hang in there!!

[CaddoRose]

Her behavior does sound "normal" for foster kids. I had a similar issue with a placement because they lived in a house with constant noise. They stereo played loud music at the same time the Dad played video games loud enough he could hear it too. I really believe that they were unsettled in my quiet house. I would recommend that you put her in a crib and establish the sleeping place asap including naps.

Get a white noise/sleep machine. Most will have several types of sounds like falling rain, rain forest, waves, and just plain white noise. Walmart, Target, etc have these. Establish a bedtime ritual right away;a warm bath, brush teeth, read a book and bed. My bedtime ritual takes about 30 minutes, so we start at 7.(baby is 21 months)

Get the lavender baby soap for the bath, it really helps sooth them through aroma. Get any kind of room freshener, a spray, solid or fan type with a lavender scent. I also use a sheet spray. After the bath and teeth brushing, we go into the bedroom with a a little bit of light. I make sure the bulb is just enough to read to and not near the bed. We read a book and then cuddle for a moment and then it's into bed. I do not use a night light because with all of my kids it seems to help keep them awake, but yours may be different.

I turn on the noise machine as soon as I put them in
the bed. It runs automatically for one hour. It provides a constant sound which calms their brain. I don't recommend using music because music actually activates the brain. I always tell them it's time to sleep, have a good sleep or anything like that and then I leave. When they cry I will go back in and comfort them for only a moment and then leave again. Some kids need you to be in the room with them( like sitting in a chair by the crib) and others will fall asleep with a few visits to the room.

You should expect some crying in general and certainly at night time for the first week. The first week can be crazy, but if you get a routine started right away, it can lessen the trauma because they learn really fast what to expect and they need to know what is going to happen. If things happen the same way every day, it helps them adjust.

[Chancey]

As all PP's have said, this is normal for foster kiddos. I also agree, you need to start with and stick to a routine for bedtime and not give in. It will be rough for a while, but will settle down. We have had 30 placements and it ALWAYS settles down. Our current placement took two weeks to get the hang of things. He had very similar issues, just cried and cried and cried during the day, and screamed when we put him in his crib (14 months old). Now, he is happy, well adjusted and goes to bed fairly easily.

Just stick with it.... Doing it now, up front makes it easier for you in the long run.