[jphollen]

I have a former foster daughter who is in residential right now. Let's just say she has sexual issues (most were never disclosed to us prior to her placement with us of course), severe PTSD among other things. When she went in a year ago we always said she could come back (she was preadoptive). We didn't take other kids for six months...my heart was broken. Now we have 3 placements at least some of them could be legally screened within the next few months. None of them have sexually aggressive behavior. I couldn't keep any of them if I agreed to take my former fd back. Part of that is a numbers game and the other part is risk. She could possibly offend against them or my even my youngest bio child. I know what I should do, I just wish it was an easier choice to make.

[SarahBethsMommy]

Aww, big hugs! It is never easy to say no even when we know it is for the best. It sounds like you already know what choice you've made. Remember that there is a probably a home out there waiting for that one child.

[laceyc]

It sounds like she would do better in a home with no other children or where she is the youngest. It sounds like a really difficult decision.

[stevenstwin]

Oh, I am so sorry you've been put in this position - it sounds very hard! I know you aren't really asking for advice since you clearly know what to do - but I'll give you all the validation and cyber-hugs you need if that helps at all!

[EandDmom]

go with your gut/head not your heart would be my advice.

[jphollen]

the worst part is of course the sw from rtc reminding me she (former fd) identifies us as her family. She (former fd) apparently cries and askes for her mommy (me). I feel like a big JERK.

Don't get me wrong risking her offending on my 3 year old isn't a fun thought. However knowing the sick circumstances that lead to her being capable of offending...that made her the way she is!

I have begged my agency to be the bad guys...I want them to say she should go elsewhere - in a home with no younger or preferable no other children. They won't they say I should be the only one making the decision...THANKS. I HATE being put in this position. I hate the guilt!!!

[sergekel]

Originally Posted by jphollen

I hate the guilt!!!

Wow, awful position to be in. I wouldn't take her back if there was any risk of another child being at risk. I hear you on the guilt you are feeling for considering not taking her back. But just imagine the guilt you would feel if another child in your home was victimized when you knew there was a risk.

It is definately not an easy decision but, for me, the answer is obvious.

So sorry for the little girl and for your position in this.

[potentialsinglemom]

This makes me sad for her and you.

Once she gets placed in a home, will you be able to have some contact with her?

[jphollen]

No I will not be able to continue contact unless they find an adoptive placement who is willing to contact me independently. However, they won't provide my contact info & I will be vilified so why would they want to try? I need to be more positive but just don't feel like it yet!