[potentialsinglemom]

Last week, we had our monthly foster support group meeting. Most of us had not met the other fosters parents or the facilitator. We were all asked to introduce ourselves and talk briefly about the children we are caring for. As each person spoke of their child(ren) and the situations they were going through, there was the ONE woman who was such an expert on EVERYTHING. We were so sick of her. She talked over the facilitator, over the other parents offering support, and she was just so loud, abrasive...just rude. She alienated the majority of the group. The very last couple to introduce themselves had been foster parents for 9 years. We realized what a wealth of valuable information this couple must of possessed, but because Ms lady was so in love with her voice we missed out. It was the consensus that we all would of loved to hear from this couple because they had fostered all age groups and the things that we were encountering, they had gone through it already. They did not want to speak because she had already offered her opinion on everyone's situation and they did not want to get into any debate with her.

Does anyone else have this type of character in their support group? How does your group handle that person.

[chevyjewel]

I wish I had a group like that in my area to network with other foster parents...gosh you're lucky.


If I were you I'd take what you can from it and leave the rest? Possibly ask for contact info from those you did mesh well with next time and get to talking to them outside the group.

[Yes2Kids]

I also wish we had that kind of support group, anyone know how to find one in your home area? We are fostering through an agency and there are not many families in our area.

[DannieAS]

I had to chuckle I'm sorry

But are you seriously SURPRISED?????? there's always one in every group....whether it's the Pride classes, your staff meeting (well at least in mine there are 3 people that constantly are in love with their voice above the rest) at work....

Do you guys mingle before and after? If so, I would mingle with the couples/singles you want to talk with and get to know them so they can be a source of support. Best of luck

[Christians-Mommy]

I am sure the facilitator noticed as well. Possibly mention something to them. They can speak with the person about respecting everyone in group and somewhat reign that person in.

At least that is what I would do if you came to me in my group.

I think all areas should have a support group. Here we run a monthly/Support and Training group. I organize topical trainings and then we discuss the information and offer support. We mingle before and after. I think it is essential to network as Foster parents. It is better to be a part of a communitty than to do this job alone!

Good luck I hope you keep going!!!

[OakShannon]

You mean she's in your group, too?!

Yeah, we have someone like that in the support group our agency offers. It actually drove us away from the group because there were people who never got to speak. She even made someone cry who had to disrupt a placement (there were good reasons and she was feeling really badly about it) by telling her all of the things she should have done and how much damage she had done to the child, etc.

I really think the issue is with the facilitator - because there does seem one in every group. It's the facilitator's job to reign in someone like that and make sure everyone has a chance to speak. I would speak to him/her as a PP suggested and try the group out again to see if the facilitator does a better job of handling the situation. Ours doesn't manage the group at all, so it made our "support group" less than supportive.

[mnmomma]

It always seems like there's at least one for every group! That said, I've spoken to a fost/adopt group facilitator about a similar situation and ask that it be addressed w/ the "loudmouth". I'm sure they'd rather hear it from you than wonder why people stop showing up.

[catkendig]

Well, there's always the passive aggressive method of, blink, smile, and politely ask if it would be okay for you to talk now. Sometimes, they get the hint.

[EandDmom]

We don't have that in our support group although it is new and we have only had 2 meetings but I've had that problem in every class we have gone too. They always seem to extend the class by a good 45 min to an hour.

[snc2007]

The one in my group overheard me planning something with a few others and invited herself!

[potentialsinglemom]

I made an observation to another foster mom. I have gone to all of the monthly meetings this year. What my placement agency does is rotate 3 types of meetings; once every three months have a training session with outside resources, a meeting the with administrators and a support group meeting. This character does not leak into the training sessions or administration meetings where you have to pay attention to the speaker. Go figure, so it might be the facilitator. The facilitator does know "mouth" agitates others and tries to corral her, but she just does not get it.

I am really impressed at the number of persons in attendance at these meetings. My agency has only 50 something active foster parents, and have a very good attendance at these meetings. The staff (case managers, directors, psychologists, etc) care for the children while were are in the meetings. The children are divided by age groups in different rooms. You really have the opportunity to bound the other families in your children's age groups. After the meeting, yes, there is a lot of mingling.

Now, in the PRIDE classes, lol...yeah...we had an couple who never disappointed us. Actually, it was the husband; but, the wife would eventually whisper in his ear to "shut up". lol. You gotta love couples who are in tune with each other.

[buttascotchbaby]

OMG, we had one that I bet would beat yours! LOL She was certifiable She had been going to our group longer than I and when I first began to attend I was a little unsure because everyone listened to her, no one ever refuted her.... she had done EVERYTHING! There was not one thing that anyone could bring uo that she had not experienced. She had: worked for the CIA, the FBI, the prison system, DHS, been a foster parent for "30 years" (she is NOT that old! LOL), was a Vietnam vet, a psychologist, on first name basis with our presidents (both Barrack and George), etc., etc... I have it on good authority that her psych eval states that "if she worked every job she claimed to she would be 400 years old"! Funny but then when you think about it a little scary -she was actually allowed to adopt a baby through DHS

Our facilitator had a difficult time politely keeping her under control and from taking over the entire meeting. Finally she had to get a little abrupt to shut her up. We have a new facilitator who is a little better and thankfully the crazy one has stopped coming to group, but it went on for years!

[Boulderbabe]

Erm....I'm the support group loudmouth. (Nice to meet you.). I'm definitely feeling quite chastened by this thread.

If your loudmouth is anything like me, she's just trying to be helpful. You might just say, "Thanks so much for your help. I'd love to get some other perspectives, too. John? Mary? Have you been through this?"

Eventually, she'll get the picture.

[MommyAlysia]

Originally Posted by potentialsinglemom

She talked over the facilitator, over the other parents offering support, and she was just so loud, abrasive...just rude.

Boulderbabe, don't feel bad. The quoted portion is what they are talking about, not just someone who talks a lot or even someone who talks more than everyone else giving (wanted or unwanted) advise. They were specifically talking about people who are rude and talk over others, which I am sure you agree that isn't right. At least thats how I interpreted the thread.

[EandDmom]

Originally Posted by MommyAlysia

Boulderbabe, don't feel bad. The quoted portion is what they are talking about, not just someone who talks a lot or even someone who talks more than everyone else giving (wanted or unwanted) advise. They were specifically talking about people who are rude and talk over others, which I am sure you agree that isn't right. At least thats how I interpreted the thread.

Definetly what I was talking about. I love hearing helpful advice from everyone but if one person sits and talks for half an hour straight on every topic it gets old real fast.