[realfoodmom]

In the face of a horrific family tragedy, my teenage FD has shown no self-control, compassion or thoughtfulness. Despite the pain my family is suffering her bad behavior has escalated over the past week (It has been getting worse and worse since the first time we had to implement a discipline) that I found myself calling the police on one occasion, getting cursed out (in front of my two small children) and flipped off, listening to her trashing her room and being told repeatedly that I was hated.
Right now, she is in respite because I NEED A BREAK.
Breath.
Seriously, I have never met another human being that is so self-absorbed that possible death to a loved one (mine- not hers) doesn't cause any demonstration of sympathy.
Instead she decides to behave as though she has lost her mind.
This might just be the straw that breaks the camels back.

[munketoes]

Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. My prayers are with you.

[meshsgrl]

Maybe... this is her reaction to the pain you are going through. I know nothing about her history, but if her life was chaotic or changed because of a death or something tramatic like this it could be triggering flashbacks.
I know when I am emotional mess, my kids have much worse behaviors... they are much younger, but can not deal with things being chaotic or not in the regular routine.
I am sorry you are going through a difficult time and I know how much it hurts when the kids seem to try to make it worse instead of helping!!!

[greenrobin]

My prayers are with you during this rough, sad time.

Meshsgrl may be on to something. Lots of our kids just don't know how to deal with emotional pain, so they create havoc. That puts them in control.

Try not to take it personally. She probably doesn't mean it that way.

And don't feel guilty about the respite care. You both need it.

[MamaS]

My RADish daughter reacted to fear with a display of anger. Moments after our car was broadsided, spun around, and landed in a ditch (airbags deployed) she turned to me and said "Look what you did! Now we are going to be late to school!" She was eighteen years old.
She STILL shows anger when she is afraid. Example: She blamed the pediatrician because her son got so many ear infections that he needed tubes implanted. "Why didn't he give him medicine that would cure him? He's just a sh*#@ doctor!"
Maybe your foster daughter is reacting in somewhat the same way? "I can't cope with sadness, let's make everyone angry?"

[Bamamom07]

I'm just wondering if this is more than you and your two small children should be trying to handle now. Obviously you're trying to do the right thing by fostering, but having extreme teenage acting out and the chaos that is creating for your little ones is not the right environment for them. Respite is definitely in order, as well as deep thought and prayer over whether the placement should continue.

[realfoodmom]

The problem is that her bad behavior has been escalating since before my present situation. Maybe in the face of my grief, stress and sadness she has been reacting more violently, but I'm at a point where I really don't care.
There is only so much abusive, disrespect and hatred a person can take and I've reached that limit.
They can label her with whatever they want, but I absolutely cannot allow my home to be disrupted by her anymore.
I guess I just wanted to let off steam.
Maybe this week, everything came to a head, but it reinforced my decision.

[Bamamom07]

I respect that. Take the time you need with your little ones and your family to heal. Let her do her destruction and hopefully healing somewhere else. Later on, maybe you will choose to foster again, probably children younger than yours rather than troubled teens. For now, I'd think just keeping your license from lapsing and taking care of yourself and your family is enough. Try not to make any major life changes for a while. Getting new children to foster would be a major life change and very stressful. Dropping your licence now could be something you regret later. So I hope you don't do that. Take care.

[realfoodmom]

I didn't intend on dropping my license. My husband and I have wanted to foster since we married a decade ago. I guess I'm disappointed. I went into this with an idealism that I could make a difference in the life of a child and I don't feel as though I have been able to fulfill that purpose, although, God knows I've tried.
I didn't mean that we would stop fostering, though. I just meant we would stop fostering her.
Our original intentions were for younger children- up until about eight or nine.
Thanks all for your support. My FD has so many people to talk to and sometimes I feel as though I have nobody.

[Bamamom07]

You have too many people to count now, who will talk to you. Blessings...

[4cats2kids]

I agree you need to disrupt this placement. I know it is a hard decisions. But if she doesn't fit she doesn't fit. I have a preteen my first placement 3/30. That I am having moved no later then 4/27 for similar reasons.

[EandDmom]

This is why I don't do teenage placements.. I respect those of you that do so very much.