[stevenstwin]

A. got his trust fund a few weeks ago, and you should SEE what he's already bought! Wow - BEEEEG screen TV (in a teeny-tiny apartment; it's kind of funny), a fancy car (he doesn't have a learner's license yet, but says he plans to drive it anyway), tons of clothes, a big gold chain.... yikes! Ironically, he had to borrow $180 from me last month to cover bills before the trust fund came through, and I've just been kind of waiting to see if HE would contact me to pay it back. Finally I texted him last night and asked if he had it yet....he walks in to my class at lunch, hands me a roll of twenties and says grandly "There's $200 there - keep the change!" I swear, the other students probably thought I was selling drugs! ;-) So, here is my (new) zen philosophy. I've spent four years talking about how to invest that money wisely, and he just WON'T hear it. So I've decided that blowing through it in record time is probably a GOOD thing, because that'll be the only wake up call that makes sense. So sad that he'll have to start from scratch - but no worse than the average 18 year old, and he's young.... I'm just really sad about his clear decision to drop out of school (as is evidenced by the fact that he has missed 32 days and we are only 40 days into the semester). Again, though - I can't do anything to change that and I've tried - so I think my role as mommy right now is to sit back and watch him screw up and learn (or not) without saying "I told you so" or jumping in to bail him out if he gets himself in a hard place. HOWEVER - he's also much more heavily in contact with bio uncle/dad than he admits to me (when will he learn this is a SMALL town and everyone talks to me?!) I learned a whole bunch - uncle is living there, A's girlfriend thinks he is a GREAT guy and was gushing about how he's got a college fund set up for A (uh....this guy LIVES in his CAR....and even if there WAS a college fund, doesn't that require finishing High School?). At the moment I don't feel inclined AT ALL to contact him...the last time I did (before the money thing) was to drop off an Easter Basket for him last weekend. Gives me a big hug and says he loves me....but I'm wondering if I just don't contact him at all, and leave it up to HIM to decide when to do so, if that might be the best thing? He called me right before his birthday, and again right before Easter...would it be cynical to assume I probably won't hear from him until right before...of, what's the next gift-giving holiday? ...Christmas, I guess!

[LollipopsAndGumdrops]

Oh, don't worry! Hallmark's turned most everything into a gift-giving holiday. I'm sure one will come up sooner than Christmas!



I do hope he comes to his senses soon.

[vegaschristina]

It's so sad that A's got to learn these lessons the hard way.

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by LollipopsAndGumdrops

Oh, don't worry! Hallmark's turned most everything into a gift-giving holiday. I'm sure one will come up sooner than Christmas!



I do hope he comes to his senses soon.

LOL - well, I'm in Canada..maybe Victoria Day? That's only a few weeks away. ;-) I swear, I do find the humour in this at the moment since there isn't much else to do! His tv is SO huge that you actually can't SEE the whole screen from anywhere in his apartment...if you go to the back of the kitchen and squash up against the wall you can almost see the whole thing without making yourself naseous. But he's moving, dontcha' know, because he's going to go to the bank and get a mortgage on a real house!

[AmahMama]

Why is it that all kids have to learn the hard way??? LOL My bioD did the very same thing - way over their heads in debt and now just barely clawing their way out. Back to keeping their car, taking care of furniture, eating at home, not impulse buying at every whim......

Sometimes I think they should be 40 before legally being able to handle an inheritance without a trustee!!!!

All we can do is what we can do. Cain't do no more..... He will wake up someday......

[takingtheplunge]

deleted post -- I misread

[potentialsinglemom]

Well....I was really rooting for him. At this point, all you can do is wait and see how long it will be before he has to pawn the tv or sell the car or ask you for the change back. Wait a minute...I thought the girlfriend was gone...when did she come back?

[qs mom]

I have a very good friend P and I am also friends with her brother R. R has been living with P for almost 6 years. He has been struggling trying to get SSD for all of those 6 years. He did receive welfare and food stamps to pay part of the rent. He has paid no utilities, or contributed in any other way.

He has a heart condition and is visually impaired, therefore cannot drive. He also suffers from extreme anxiety. So P has driven him to every appointment he has had in 6 years, driven him to fill every prescription, etc. He also fried her new computer about 3 years ago.

He just received $10,000 from SSA, because they go back to the original application date 6 years ago.

He bought a HUGE TV, a HUGE bed that doesn't fit in his room, a new shot gun (can't hunt-disabled), shot gun shells, shot gun scope, lawn tractor, snow blower and video games. He didn't evn think to buy new bedding for the new bed. DUH!!

P mentioned the computer he fried so he replaced it. He blew through the entire $10,000 in about a week! Absolutely amazing!

He and their brother took P's car and abused it while she was at work. It is now not running. He was a little miffed that she expected the two of them to pay to fix it.

He got another $10,000. This time he is a little wiser. He bought P a new, used car, and banked $2000.

He's 42 - it doesn't matter the age!

Speaking of TV's, my neighbors across the street had a really big TV in their living room. THe HAD to get a bigger one. I can watch their TV from my yard!

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by potentialsinglemom

Well....I was really rooting for him. At this point, all you can do is wait and see how long it will be before he has to pawn the tv or sell the car or ask you for the change back. Wait a minute...I thought the girlfriend was gone...when did she come back?

Oh, different girlfried! This is just the girl-du-jour; the long term one ended a couple months ago, and there has been at least 4 since then!!

[DianeS]

My first thought was that at least he bought things he can sell later! He didn't blow ALL of it on gifts for a girlfriend, or taking a bunch of people to expensive entertainment. Someone will buy the car and the TV when he needs money later.

I think your zen-like philosophy will be best for you. Hitting our heads on a brick wall doesn't accomplish anything. Neither does bailing out someone who doesn't learn from the experience. At least YOU are learning from it!

Hang in there. He'll have a few fun months, then life will slide back to the same old thing for him. But your zen-like philosophy could last a lifetime, if you let it.

[potentialsinglemom]

Originally Posted by stevenstwin

Oh, different girlfried! This is just the girl-du-jour; the long term one ended a couple months ago, and there has been at least 4 since then!!

He is a busy boy. Well... I can not imagine what he bought for her. You know the young ones become "big bank hank" when they are trying to impress the ladies.

[laceyc]

Isn't there a study that says the rational decision making part of the brain isn't fully developed until age 21 or something? I think your new attitude is your best option. I'm sure it won't be easy to bite your tongue...it would not be for me. GL!

[ncsingledad]

Originally Posted by laceyc

Isn't there a study that says the rational decision making part of the brain isn't fully developed until age 21 or something? I think your new attitude is your best option. I'm sure it won't be easy to bite your tongue...it would not be for me. GL!

I think in males it takes far far longer for us to learn to think rationally...

[DannieAS]

Originally Posted by laceyc

Isn't there a study that says the rational decision making part of the brain isn't fully developed until age 21 or something? I think your new attitude is your best option. I'm sure it won't be easy to bite your tongue...it would not be for me. GL!

25 actually....why do you think car rentals charge extra if you're 21 because you're not 25 yet

car rentals are normal after you are 25 years of age....before then it's a "just in case" extra charge of about $200 more

[Yash]

I always feel bad for people who have to learn the hard way. At least he has a good mom and family in his corner for when everything and everyone is gone.

I remember this story once about a man who put a six foot drop down projection screen in his tiny apartment. There was so little space in the place, you had to sit on the sofa to watch the screen. The sofa was a foot away from the screen. Blinded by television! But at least he had a nice dropped down screen just like at the movie theater.