[lkayb99]

DH and I had our orientation meeting last night. The sw said that she only has 1 other foster family in our town and we would likely get a placement right after licensing. She said that reunion rate is high in our area, which is fantastic for the kids. She also said it is likely we would have the child for up to 5 years before r/u. DH is incredibly hesitant about this now. We initially wanted to do adopt only through foster care but that turned out to be not an option for us. The agency we have chosen no longer does adopt only because the need for foster parents is so high (which we completely respect). My dh (my self also) are just wondering how do you raise a child for 5 years and then give them back? How do you help your children deal with the loss of a sibling?

The sw also said that we would only have 1 hour to accept or deny a placement and very often she has no details about the child except their age and sex, so we would have to make a decision based on zero issues the child may have or what type of home the child was in. Is that normal?

[Chancey]

Well, being in care for 5 years is generally not the truth! Federal law states that the children have to be moving towards permanency by 12 months and can have a one time 6 month extension. This means that parents have to be on track to get them back or termination is imminent within 12 (to 18) months.

It is the exception that children are in care longer than those times. Many of the exceptions are teenagers who are harder to place generally, or the kids with moderate to severe behaviors or medical needs that not many people want to adopt. At times, I have seen on this forum where children are in care longer than the 18 months but it is generally where someone has dropped the ball.

In terms of reuniting them with their family, it can be difficult at times, but in our experience, it is a thing to celebrate and support. I find that if I am glad for the kids and families that it makes it easier to say goodbye. You do have a grief process (for some, but not all) but we also found that we are a lot stronger than we thought and can say goodbye and be happy for them.

[blubutterflies03]

We are in the process of a possible RU. Baby B has been with us for all of his life. We brought him home from the hospital. Well biomom is not getting it together, but biodad tested as the daddy at 10 months of age for Baby B after being asked to take the test. Now, birthdad is doing his caseplan, but the social workers and another team here called Infant Team is recommending that biodad get Baby B as soon as a week from now. This is all after he admitted drug use at the end of last year, lied his tail off in court, etc. I pray to God that God knows best in the end. It is very difficult for me. I want to be all happy about the RU. The social services is ruining that for me in the terrible job they have done on their end.

don't get me wrong it is not always like this. If the right social worker, judge, CASA is on the job, then RU can be an awarding experience I am sure. I can't wait until I can see the day where I can say that. Can't say it yet as this is the first RU I am having with a long stay child.

[stevenstwin]

five YEARS?? I don't understand that at all! As for taking a placement without details, that is sadly often the case.

[lkayb99]

Yeah, they said that because the courts in our area are so slow that once we get a placement it will be a minimum of 1 year, but more likey AT LEAST 3-5 years before RU. They also said their RU rate is very high (which is great for the children, selfishly not great for us). This has kind of put a whole new spin on it for us and now hubby doesn't really want to do it. I won't do it unless both of us are 100% committed. I am thinking about maybe taking the PRIDE classes just to learn more. Our sw knows all about our hesitations...will keep you all up to date on final decision Thanks for your advice!!

[takingtheplunge]

Have you explored the foster/adopt site for your state and asked others if this is typical in your county (no adoptions and 5 year placements? )

It's rubbing me wrong that the agency now no longer does adoptions and that they are setting you up mentally for 5 year cases and is only giving you an hour with mited info. Also, the county I worked with would never expect a decision in an hour. How committed to you to your agency?

Are you in a high need area? You can contact the county and find out directly.

It could be that perhaps the county won't give them any more adoptions and is only giving them the hard to place cases.

Don't get me wrong. I am glad you are considering taking placements that have a high chance of r/u. All states need this. I just don't want this to be the only option for you if it's an agency problem.

[txwannabemom]

I agree with the pp.
Something about this is rubbing me the wrong way.
Frankly, if you went in to this process with the hope of adopting.... I'd change agencies and stick to my plan. Tx CPS explained it this way: Fostering is meeting the short term needs of a child in transition, adoption is a long term permenant transition into a family. The goals are different.
I've rarely heard of a RU after 3+ years- how traumatic!
I'd talk directly to the state, or attend a state run orientation before continuing with this agency.

[lkayb99]

I have tried to contact the state and have not gotten any return calls. I have also called every agency in my area. They all say they no longer do adopt only - that you HAVE to foster. I have only found ONE agency that does adopt only, but it costs about 6K, which we do not have (nor will we in the foreseeable future). This is for adopt-only foster care (I should clarify). I have checked my state and apparently IL has one of the highest RU rates, and those kids that do become adoptable are almost always adopted by their current foster family, after a VERY LONG wait. However, the sw we are working with (along with another agency I talked to) said that most kids are RU and adoption is very limited.

The reason they said they don't do adopt only any more is because so many people were doing that that they had no foster homes...so now they FORCE you to foster. You are still able to browse adoptable children, but I don't think they persue that very aggressively. I have also heard that they stopped doing adopt only because so many families signed up for that and then disrupted causing many issues in the system. I am in Southern IL, if that helps at all. I am kind of at a loss. I have been told that I can do respite only while I persue the adoptable kids, but I think the agencies will "purposely" drop the ball so that you don't really get a chance to adopt so that you will just foster.

I hope this doesn't sound too confusing! AFter writing it I am a little confused myself!

Thanks so much everyone for your replies, I am glad that I'm not the only one thinking this is bizarre.

[takingtheplunge]

Originally Posted by lkayb99

I have tried to contact the state and have not gotten any return calls. I have also called every agency in my area. . . . I hope this doesn't sound too confusing! AFter writing it I am a little confused myself!
.

No, it doesn't sound confusing. I think I get it. Anyway, try calling the county, not the state. Call 411 and ask for department of social services for your county. call them and ask for the director of the adoption program for foster children. Be persistent and get to the heart of what's going on in your county. Just know that the county will try to avoid placing children with agencies if it can because it costs them money. Your agencies could be right that there are not enough foster homes. However, if hardly any are available for adoption, that is even more reason to by-pass the agency and go directly with the county. Unless, of course, your agency is placing kids from photolistings in other states.

Good luck pursuing this. Again, go to the IL board and poke around there. You need local info.

[AZInsider]

Some of it sounds like it could be accurate, other parts not so much.

In AZ we work off an "immediate placement list" - CPS emails the agencies with the kids they need homes for that day. The info is very limited, usually gender, age, ethnicity, and removal zip code. They don't generally know anything about behaviors which makes sense, how would the caseworkers know what the child's behaviors are yet, especially how they'll act when out of the home.

As far as time, agencies call their families who fit the needs of the child to see if they'd be interested in taking placement and are available then they email CPS. The case mgr makes a decision and calls the selected family typically within about 2 hours. And usually they'll have the child placed in your home within just a couple more hours. So yes, you get very little info and about as much time to decide.

AZ also does very little adopt-only primarily because the kids that end up without identified adoptive placements (e.g. relatives or current foster parents) have needs that likely aren't easily met by unexperienced families. Case mgrs usually look for families that have experience at least fostering so they are familiar with the challenges, needs, behaviors, etc. that are a natural part of adopting a child who has experienced trauma.

As for the 5 years bit...AFSA is federal legislation that requires states to file a petition to terminate parental rights if a child has been in foster care for 15 of the last 22 months. Now, that doesn't mean that the timeline to finalization of adoption doesn't take up to 5 years, or even that kids won't end up being reunified even after filing the petition for TPR, but those shouldn't be the norm.

That said, as of 2000, Illinois did have a high median length of time in foster care at 4 years. They claim that they work really hard to prevent removals and therefore the kids that *are* removed are among the least likely to reunify. (http://www.gao.gov/new.items/d02585.pdf)

So who knows, we all know that states don't always follow the federal guidelines and can come up with 100 excuses why it won't work, but bottom line is AFSA was put in place in 1997 to stop this very thing from happening.

[lkayb99]

Thanks again guys! TTP: It was the county I called, my mistake. I am going to try to call again on Monday and see if I can get the director again. I have left 2 messages about a week ago, so hopefully I can catch her in her office.

AZI - Lots of info - thank you for that! One of the agencies I spoke with said she would like for us to do at least respite prior to persuing any adopt only because we would need experience as foster parents before, so that does make sense.

I am going to keep poking around tomorrow and see if there are any agencies I have missed or anything. Maybe we can do respite only. BUT, the agency we are thinking of using said respite is mainly only for those kids with high medical issues and special needs (mental retardation, feeding tubes, etc) and they don't use it often. **sigh** I kind of feel like maybe this wasn't meant to be. We can't afford the only adopt only program I have found, and we definitely can't afford international adoption. I chose this point in time to do the process because at the end of 2010 I am going to be starting my PhD and I wanted to be a bit settled. I don't know...I am just so disappointed in our system right now.

[humanchild]

Can you even imagine being that child? Say you were removed from your parents home at age 3, you spend FIVE YEARS in foster care, potentially with the same family the entire time, and then at age 8 you are reuinified with your biofamily? That doesn't even make sense to me, and I think it is exacly the kind of scenario that 15 month rule was designed to avoid. I would hate to think there really is a county that considers that the norm. I have reuinified kids who have lived with me for 9-14 months, and it is hard personally because I miss them, but I am happy for them and their families so I try to celebrate that.

[lkayb99]

Originally Posted by humanchild

Can you even imagine being that child? Say you were removed from your parents home at age 3, you spend FIVE YEARS in foster care, potentially with the same family the entire time, and then at age 8 you are reuinified with your biofamily? That doesn't even make sense to me, and I think it is exacly the kind of scenario that 15 month rule was designed to avoid. I would hate to think there really is a county that considers that the norm. I have reuinified kids who have lived with me for 9-14 months, and it is hard personally because I miss them, but I am happy for them and their families so I try to celebrate that.

I know - that is what I was thinking too. But, apparently 3-5 years is the norm for this area because of how backed up the courts are. I don't totally understand the whole process, but I have been told that by 2 seperate agencies.

DH says there is no way he can do that if that is how long it will take. So, we are looking into ways to finance the adopt only that one agency says they will do.