[fredalina]

My state's discipline guidelines say all the things one would expect (no corporal punishment of any kind, no physical or chemical restraints, no verbal abuse or swearing, no withholding meals or withholding contact with birthparent, caseworker, therapist, etc, that sort of thing).

One thing it says that i'm not 100% sure how to interpret is that seclusion is not allowed. i'm assuming they don't mean that you can't use a time-out, or you can't send the child to their room to cool off at any time. But does anyone know exactly what it means? Or what it means in your state?

[chevyjewel]

I always took it to mean like, forcing a child to sit elsewhere during mealtimes rather than with the rest of the family, or stay inside while everyone else is playing outside, or excluding them completely from a family gathering or outing. Sending a kiddo to their room away from everyone wouldn't be considered seclusion as long as it wasn't for an unreasonable amount of time.

At least that was always my understanding of it.

[chevyjewel]

I should add that if you're ever unclear about something like that it's best to clarify with your licensing worker just to be absolutely sure

[jarian]

In class, they touched on that a little. They were saying you can't have your kids & yourself sleeping in regular bedrooms and then put your foster children in a basement(dark, cold, unfurnished). Also, you can't exclude them from regular family activities. Also, you can't make them eat at a different place if the rest of the family is eating at the same table. You can't have special treats for the family and then not do the same for the foster children. Basically, it is saying that you must treat the foster children just like you would treat your own children.

[laceyc]

Withholding food..does that mean things like "you can't have ice cream until you eat some dinner" That works so well with our BD I would hate to not be able to use it with a fc.

[greenrobin]

Seclusion is like solitary confinement--no contact, no stimulation, nothing. Kids can do a time out in their rooms in most places and be sent to bed early for breaking rules, just not shut in and isolated.

As far as food goes, you cannot withhold regular meals. Desserts are treats and are not generally given. So, if you mess up and lose your dessert, oh, well. They kind of frown on removing meals, though!

[Boulderbabe]

Originally Posted by laceyc

Withholding food..does that mean things like "you can't have ice cream until you eat some dinner" That works so well with our BD I would hate to not be able to use it with a fc.

No worries. You do have to feed a foster child a reasonable, healthy meal, and you can't starve them as a form of discipline. But withholding dessert because they didn't eat dinner? Totally acceptable.

[EandDmom]

Originally Posted by Boulderbabe

No worries. You do have to feed a foster child a reasonable, healthy meal, and you can't starve them as a form of discipline. But withholding dessert because they didn't eat dinner? Totally acceptable.

We were even told that you have to feed them a healthy meal is required it just doesn't say what. So if we wanted to say ok we get pizza and you get oatmeal if you don't stop whatever behavior or tantrum they are throwing at the time that is fine since oatmeal is a healthy meal.

[LollipopsAndGumdrops]

It is my understanding that you can send a kid to his room but you can't lock him in there or expect him to remain in there longer than a reasonable time-out length. Is this correct?

[potentialsinglemom]

Originally Posted by LollipopsAndGumdrops

It is my understanding that you can send a kid to his room but you can't lock him in there or expect him to remain in there longer than a reasonable time-out length. Is this correct?

That is my understanding

[gwenrenee007]

Originally Posted by EandDmom

We were even told that you have to feed them a healthy meal is required it just doesn't say what. So if we wanted to say ok we get pizza and you get oatmeal if you don't stop whatever behavior or tantrum they are throwing at the time that is fine since oatmeal is a healthy meal.

I'm new but we were told that we couldn't feed the fc something different than the family. Like we couldn't have steak while the fc had a pbj sandwich. So I don't know if my state we would be allowed to feed oatmeal while the rest of the family is eating pizza.

Also as far as the steak thing...we (the adults) eat steak while I feed the kids chicken and maybe a piece or two of steak and they said that was fine as long as the fc isn't being excluded just for being a fc.

[EandDmom]

Originally Posted by gwenrenee007

I'm new but we were told that we couldn't feed the fc something different than the family. Like we couldn't have steak while the fc had a pbj sandwich. So I don't know if my state we would be allowed to feed oatmeal while the rest of the family is eating pizza.

Also as far as the steak thing...we (the adults) eat steak while I feed the kids chicken and maybe a piece or two of steak and they said that was fine as long as the fc isn't being excluded just for being a fc.

Your right different states and even different counties have different rules. I tell you what though the kids were completly out of control the other day and I said either take your naps or its oatmeal tonight and wow were they asleep fast..lol they do love oatmeal so its really not much of a threat.

[fredalina]

Ask your worker obviously, but i think the difference is probably that in the case of "behave or it's oatmeal tonight", it applies to all the kids. If the bio kid misbehaves, they get oatmeal. If the foster kid misbehaves, they get oatmeal. If they all misbehave, they all get oatmeal. It's a punishment that doesn't seclude the foster kid for *being* a foster kid.

Whereas it would be wrong to consistently give the foster kid oatmeal every night *because* they're a foster kid, and consistently feed the bio kids and yourselves something else. It's like saying the fk isn't as good as the rest of the family and don't deserve the price of steak. Sort of like people used to do with hired help (maybe still do; i don't know anyone with hired help lol), making them eat in the kitchen while the family ate at the dining room table. KWIM?

[Dhewco]

I hadn't heard that spanking isn't allowed for a FC. Hmmm, I was brought up by the 'spare the rod' brigade. Although, I've read enough to see why corporal punishment wouldn't be an effective deterrent for some of these kids. They couldn't see the difference between abuse and a corrective punishment. I learn something new every time I read the boards.

ETA....what is a chemical restraint? Making a child take a benadryl to calm him down?

David

Hoping to Foster to Adopt within the next three years.

[greenmama]

Yes spanking/hitting a foster child is a huge no no. You'd get your license revoked and maybe be brought up on criminal charges. It's taken very seriously.