[~*Max*~]

Granted, it's been almost two years since they were reunited (which I was able to fully support) but although D was in many ways a well-behaved little boy (courteous, quiet, gentle etc), parenting my foster son wore me out and I hate to say this, took the joy out of parenting for me. He lied, he did things that were sneaky, he was irresponsible with his possessions and had issues with responsibility at school that we never did manage to resolve. I felt like a nag-o-matic broken record and it wore me out. D, where's your Thursday folder? D, where's your reading log? D, where's your hat? Even consequences did not work, nor did trying to work with his teacher. I didn't see his Thursday (weekly folder with homework and communications from school in it) folder once for well over a month.

I had decided not to foster again till I found a job in Texas, and for one reason and another am STILL looking for one. In the meantime I have at long last become pregnant (with twins) and I find myself not looking forward to parenthood as I had expected. Please, please tell me about a time when you had child whom you found very difficult to parent, and then parented a child who restored your joy in being a mom? Or is it my fault I let all the joy of parenting get sucked out of my life? Am I going to be able to be a good mom?

[Lorraine123]

Congrats on your pregnancy! and Twins! Double congrats!!!!

You will bounce back. You will be a great mom. This little guy had a lot of challenging behaviors. Its hard to have the warm and fuzzies for a child like that. Judt the fact that you are concerned, shows what a caring mom you will be.

Good luck with everything!

[catkendig]

I'm not a real experienced foster mom since I've only recently taken on my first placement, but remember, you will be parenting newborns - a completely different experience. You'll be developing that all-important bond with your babies out of which the love and joy of parenting will grow. If you're worried about being a good mom, chances are good that you will be a great one.

As a mom of twins myself, I'd like to extend a heartfelt, "Congratulations!"

[greenrobin]

You need to remember that your babies will be yours from the start. They will be brought up in the way they should go. With foster kids, you get what you get. They've had lots of experiences that you were not a part of. Their training is different from what you would have done.

That's not to say that your birth children can't push the envelope! But, it really is a different experience.

Congratulations on your twins! You'll be ready.

[Robbiesmomma]

I think you will be fine. IMHE my bio, even with the LD's, ADHD, and speech issues is a cake walk compared to the kids I've fostered, even the level 1 kids. He has always been loved and his needs were always met.
With my fosters, that hasn't happened so they need so much more. More time, more attention, more reassurance, more love. We are trying to undo so much in such a short window of their lives that we don't have to do with our bio kids.
Do be sure to remember that twins can be a challenge for any one, but as my Mom said "this too shall pass". I think you will be a better parent for having fostered as you are not walking into this "green". The thrill of parenting will return and you will bond with your babies. Have faith in yourself.
Take care,
Becki

[Vitality08]

Although, I have no advice for you...I'll be watching this thread. I'm currently a very difficult boy. The description of your ffs fits mine to a T. I have no joy in parenting right now and no desire to have my own children because I'm scared they'll be like him. I truely hope there is a way to bounce back.

[EZ2Luv]

I am not a foster parent, but I can tell you with certanty that once those babies are placed in your arms, you will be restored.

I promise. Fchildren come with so much hurt and emotional baggae from damage done before you came to know them that sadly you have to take parenting them from that point on.

These babies will be yours from the very beging and will be a whole knew frest start. Your babies will be blessed with a good stable home and will not hav ehad the msifortune of what fchildren endure. Good Luck and Congrats on your pregnancy.

EZ

[joskimo]

when my daughter was 2 we took in 2 nephews ages 6 & 7. We had them for 8 years. 8 long, long years. When I say things fell apart at the end, that would be the understatement of they year. But we didn't let that experience hold us back. We adopted our 2nd daughter the same year as the younger nephew left our home and I couldn't love her more. No regrets.

[UnconventionalMom]

Growing up with my sister is one of the things that kept me from having children earlier than I did. Even though her problems were due to her bmom taking drugs throughout the pregnancy, we certainly ran into parents with bio children who had issues like my sister's. It's terrifying and I think you're feeling very normal emotions. I know you'll feel differently when your kids are born though.

[alys1]

Nature has this covered. Hormones to produce bonding will flood your body when they are born! And theirs, too. And this keeps up for the rest of your lives. Who knew? When you're near them, the chemicals induce a happy feeling. I think you'll be surprised how much easier it is to parent them, how much joy there is in parenting them. They get to attach to you from the beginning, and stay attached, which means building the healthiest brain and nervous systems possible.

Child abuse damages us physically, literally, and it's tough for kids to come back from that. They won't have years of patterning to be the worst they can be.

That said, twins?! Get your support system in place! I know 3 people who've parented twins as couples, it's intense. Join a parents of multiples group if you can, line up people to come over for a few hours at a time, so you can, say, nap. One couple had their mom sit so they could go to a movie... and took a nap instead!