[carlychan]

My FS has a little sister. She is in another foster home. We got the call 2 weeks ago asking if we would take her. I thought they were going to adopt so it took me by suprise. Well, the foster mom doesn't want to adopt her. First it was money/job issues then it changed to "wouldn't be fair to our other adopted daughters." So, we said we would take her and wanted to start sibling visits so we could start forming a bond. Now, the foster dad can't do it right now. We have to wait another week or so. He is very sad and was going to try to talk to his wife again. The SW doesn't seem to think it will make a difference. The foster mom was very happy when she heard we were willing to take baby girl. To me, it is a major "red flag" that the foster mom doesn't want to keep her. Not that something is wrong with the baby (there isn't). She is suppose to be a very easy baby. They have fostered her for the last 6 months. What do you think is going on here? Any ideas?

[shavon]

I was in a similar situation...I got FS when he was 3 months old, he has a 1/2 sister that was in another foster home for 15 months. When I took placement of the baby they told me he had a sibling but the reason baby didnt go there was that they didnt want infants.

Then they called and asked if I would take half sis for a visit, I said of course. After the visit they called to if I wanted to take sis for a foster placement and see where the road leads. Well I have had her for 6 months and are in the process of adopting her YEAHHHH....

After I took sis the previous foster parents decided that they had made a mistake and wanted to be staffed to adopt her. I was devistated. BUT I finally found out that only one of the fp wanted to adopt so in the end we were the only ones staffed, the other fp backed out.

I owuld say that it is just very hard for the current foster parents to "let go" even if they dont want to adopt, it is still a baby and honestly who doesnt love babies and who isnt sad when one of them leave???

Hang in there...If it works out like ours did you will end up with sibling....

good luck, I think I may have posted more in depth in some of my other posts if you would like to look them up and read my feelings and fears...

Shavon

[calimomX3]

hmm!! Why do they even question this other family. If you said yes and they said no. I dont get it. The baby we had, that had siblings in another home she went with them. And we wanted to adopt her. I really dont understand anything that goes on anymore in the system.

[carlychan]

I think they are getting cold feet now because someone else wants her (she is only 7 months old, tons of people would want her). I think most of the people involved (SW's, judge, etc.) would like to see her here. The foster dad wants to keep her and even asked the SW if they could just take guardianship. OF course, the SW said no they needed to get her in an adoptive home. Really, I would like to have her. However, I will not fight if they do decide they want her. She has been their for 6 months. They are her "parents" as far as she is concerned. It is really hard not knowing whether to get excited or not. I feel sad that it might not happen, yet a bit relieved because I don't have to go through more "roller coaster riding." Our FS was just TPR'ed so we are on the "easy" side of the mountain now.

Thanks for letting me "rant."

[kxl164]

We had a sibling placement of our children for a short while, then the former foster parents decided that they did in fact want to adopt the child (after they asked for the child to be moved to our home so all the siblings could be together), so the county moved the child back to their home.

It was heartbreaking for all of us here, and we felt terrible for this child, who was being moved around like it meant nothing to go from home to home. If we thought there was a chance this other family was going to change their mind, we wouldn't have brought the child to our home and had this little one go through the trauma of a move, a new family, new rules, new home.... we would have just tried to keep contact for all of the children involved.

Anyway, I think it is great to keep siblings together, but sometimes it doesn't work out and people are allowed to change their minds at a later date, even after the child has already been moved. It makes me sad and angry for these children who have to wait for the adults to make us their minds.

I know this is not a decision to be made lightly, but to me, if you ask for a child to be moved and then move them (especially after talking and waiting to be sure you are certain), you should not have the opportunity to wreak more havoc on the child's life and want them moved back. If this move does happen please make sure the the SW'er will consider this a permanent move and not allow the former foster family to ask for the child again.

I would probably be cautiously optimistic at this point, maybe you can talk with this other family about maintaining sibling contact in the future so that if she doesn't come to you, at least you will have the peace of mind knowing she is loved and taken care of.

(For us, we are grateful to know how much our children's sibling is loved, but we have concerns about the level of commitment the foster family has for this child and feel so sad that more trauma was inflicted on this defenseless child; because every move is a move and to think of it as anything else is not recognizing the child's feelings and needs.)

[calimomX3]

I just dont trust the sytsem at all cause of everything I have been thru lately.
I was thinking about another situation I guess kinda like yours. My friends are also foster parents, their first placement was for a 2 day old baby girl, which they have since adopt a month or so ago. I always told them if their AD bio-mom ever had anymore babies I would totally adopt one. Well just so happens the bio-mom gave birth to another girl this year. Well I was on vacation and got a call my my friend that told me her AD bio had a baby and she told the SW to call us that we were certified and we would raise the girls to be close and what not. I got so excited I even called the SW to make sure she knew we really wanted this baby girl. We never got the call, she was placed with some other foster family. Long story short, a month or so into her little life, my friend was told by her SW that this baby girl was still available to adopt and the home she was in did not want to adopt her. So one day my friend calls me to tell me she is working on getting this baby girl for us. Before I barely hang up the phone she calls me back to tell me she has changed her mind and wants the baby. Anyways she is raising the baby girl with her sister which is wonderful. Hard for me to see somedays just cause I lost my FD, so it is bitterwseet. Anyways i guess my point was the system can go either way.