[shainamsu]

if there was anything that hindered us from becoming foster parents, this was it. obviously, we believe in foster care and are doing it anyway, and we LOVE doing it. however, now we're approaching having to tell our 3-yr old daughter that our foster will probably be leaving, and it's killing me to think about! our first placement, two sisters, were very much a handful, were only here a month, and i know that our daughter was glad to see them go. this one, however, will have been with us for 7-8 months by the time she might go home, and she and my daughter LOVE each other. this is going to be so hard.... how do you guys deal with this?

[msgypsylee]

Oh I'm in the same place as you at the moment. My FD will be RU next month after being here almost a year. My almost 3 year old son LOVES her. They are so attached to each other. When I knew it looked like RU was inevitable I started talking to him about FD's mommy. I would tell him that I was his mommy and that FD had another mommy that FD visits. I tell him that He will always live with me and that FD will live with her mommy one day. I always stress that I am his mommy and we will always be together. He seems to understand on some level. There will be times when he talks to her about her mommy and tells her "your going to live with your mommy", points to me and says "thats my mommy". Its still going to be really hard for both of us but I think as long as he feels secure that we will be together he will be ok.

Hang in there.

[AmahMama]

Our bio children are grown so we never personally had that issue, but 1 daughter also does fc. She handles it very matter-of-factly that "some day so-and so will be leaving our home and going to live with her own mommy, daddy, grandma" or whoever. I have wastche dthis over the last 10 years and their bio-c have taken their attitudes from them. It is a "great day" when the fk's get to go home! They have a party, etc. sometimes the fk's have been there for over a year and it is still a 'united front' - we go over and have ru cake and ice cream and give them 'happy traveling' or 'good luck' cards to go in thier lifebooks.

When they (the fp's) feel emotional or have doubts, or issues about the ru - they don't do it in front of the children. THe kids see it as a happy time ' like, aka is happy to be going home- so let's all be happy for her'.

When I have a child ru or go on to adoption - I personally see it as an accomplishment on our (the fp family) part. We have helped a child in thier greatest time of need and not our part is done and the fk can now move on to thier new and better (even in ru) life with other special people involved. OUR (haha) babies have had the benefit of our love and we've had the benefit of having them enrich our lives - "for everything there is a season" - and when the fc moves on - our season in thier lives is over.

Just the way we do 'in our family'. It might seem cold but it really isn't - we just keep our mind wrapped around reality - even when it hurts.

Good luck with the ru - and good luck to your 'baby' with it too.

[MelissaLovesPugs]

I am glad to read other people's experiences with this. I was just visiting the forum hoping to find information on this very topic. My husband and I have been considering foster to adopt programs, and this is one of our biggest concerns...how our 3 year old would handle the fosters leaving.

[joskimo]

my daughter just turned 4 and fdaughter just turned 2 and we found out a month and a 1/2 ago that our fast track to adoption was ended when the state dropped tpr so I had to start brinigng those conversations up to my daughter. I don't want to focus on fd leaving because we don't know when (or maybe even if..) but we have to keep it in her awareness. I'm concerned for my daughter's loss but it hasn't happened yet so I don't have great advice.

[Larue]

I'm glad you brought this up too. I worry about how our 3 year old daughter will take it when and if this happens to us. She was in foster care in Guatemala and had two foster sisters, that were 9 and 11 years old. She had been in her foster home since she was a newborn when I took custody and started fostering her at 12 months old. And even at that young age, she really grieved for her foster mother and sisters.

I'm interested in hearing from other foster parents who have had this experience, and how they handled it. Thanks for sharing.