[Prettyboicris]

Only 2 relatives know that my wife and I are going through the foster/adoption process right now. We decided to hold off on telling most because a lot of them have negative ideas about Foster care and the children in foster care. Now we are close to being ready for placements. On one hand we want to tell them right away after we get licensed but on another hand we dont want to get them worked up and bring children in and out of their lives. We know whatever child we bring around they will show love too because both of our families have a soft spot for kids and treat all children like family. We just dont know whether to tell them about every placement right away or wait sometime? The only two relatives that know are the ones that may help out in a crunch. Other relatives such as both of our mothers and siblings dont really know yet because they dont live close to us.
What have others done with regards to dealing with family and placements? Did you tell them every time you got a placement or did you wait? If you did wait, how long did you wait?
Do you have a standard you go buy or do you play it by ear for each child?

Thanks in Advance

[RNFosterMom]

We always tell our parents and siblings when we get a new placement, but we don't make a big deal of announcing it. Just more like letting them know what's new with us.

We treat each placement as a member of our family. For example, we recently had a 1st birthday party for one of our FCs. We had our family members from both sides, plus all of the FC's siblings. (Her bio parents were invited too, but they chose not to come.) We had 20 people in my living room, but it was fun!

Our family seems to understand the whole process and have been very accepting and welcoming. They know that the kids might be gone next time we get together, but I guess we all know to live "in the moment" and enjoy them while we have them.

[stilldeciding]

We are waiting on a placement as well. We had one call for a 5 month baby girl, but are looking for preferably a girl age 2-7 as both our boys are a bit older. Since then we have not gotten any calls. We are looking to foster to adopt and began the process last may 2008..took our time and finally got licensed in November 2008. A few weeks later we received our first call but haven't received any since. Though we have been approached about a possible 4 year old boy just on Friday, we still are waiting. At our age, DH will be 40 in July, I will be 37 In July...we only have so much time we are willing to wait...as if we don't find a match we will plan on having a bio third. We just really want to adopt, but we will need to make up our mind by this summer or late fall! It is so hard to wait and wonder what to do. Wish we were a bit younger and had more time. But we just know SOMEONE is missing from our family and we don't want to wait forever. As far as telling people, we told them about us wanting to adopt but have only told close people when we get any poss. matches and calls. When and hopefully soon when we get another match we will do the same. Not everyone will be interested in what we are doing and that is ok. Same if we choose to become pregnant...we do the same. I enjoy our privacy and love not answering to everyone's concerns after all it is something we have chosen..so really we pick and choose who we want to include and everyone else...can find out when things are more concrete. Good Luck!

[Prettyboicris]

Thank you for replying. We know that both of our families worry so we thought we would wait to tell them when things were a little more concrete because they would worry about our emotions in the process. I like how you put it about "living in the moment". I guess that is the best way for us to think about it. That is what we will have to do.

Once again thanks for the replies and if you think of anything else definitely do share.

[humanchild]

I tell my family every time I get a new placement. I also tell them the very basic plan- like with H and T they knew the plan was always for them to go back to bioDad so it was no surprise. And I stress that there are NEVER any guarantees in foster care, but I plan on adopting J. My family is great, my dad in particular is very involved with my kids and treats them all like grandchildren for however long they are here.

[Prettyboicris]

Originally Posted by humanchild

I tell my family every time I get a new placement. I also tell them the very basic plan- like with H and T they knew the plan was always for them to go back to bioDad so it was no surprise. And I stress that there are NEVER any guarantees in foster care, but I plan on adopting J. My family is great, my dad in particular is very involved with my kids and treats them all like grandchildren for however long they are here.

Thanks for this. I know that no matter what any child that comes into our home we treat them as our child whether it is a friends child coming for a day or when we start receiving placements and we dont know how long they will be with us. I guess I should give my family more credit. They are really great people but I do know that they would worry about my wife's emotions as well as mine until things are finalized.

[elizabeth_ann]

We're in the same boat. My family knows all about the foster/adopt stuff; DH's has no idea (they were very negative about adoption in general when we broached the subject). We are waiting until we are licensed to tell them.
My parents were initially pretty hesitant, but now that they've had some time, they're really excited. They know the kids might leave, but I don't know if that's sunken in with them yet. We're taking all the support they offer, though.
If you don't think anyone is going to get disowned if you share the info, it might be a good idea. Gives everyone time to think about their new roles, figure out how they'll handle things, get comfortable with confidentiality laws, etc.