[potentialsinglemom]

I know EVERYBODY who foster adopt interracially has had this experience, so I feel the need to vent my experiences.

Muscles is light complected hispanic. I am african american. It IS possible that I can bear a child of his complexion. I've seen it all my life. The ignorance of people floor me. I tend to believe it is because he is an infant that I get such negativer or unwanted attention. It kills me that in an era where there is an abundance of interracial marriages and babies being born that this is a problem for people.

I take Muscles everywhere with me. People make inquisitive comments and I do not believe I need to explain anything to anyone, especially uncoothed strangers. I started getting this attention on day one. However, It is beginning to get worse. Two Friday's ago I was in Burlington coat factory, and I was followed by several people (ADULTS) of different races, like I was a freak show. The next day the teenaged hispanic hostess at Chili's kept coming to my table and sending her coworkers over to try and get information on him. The finally she came over and I had to tell her about herself because she decided to get bold and ask if I adopted him and I told her "No". She exclaimed..."Get out of here. You HAD him!!!" Needless to say, by the time I got finished with her she silently backed away from my table.

Well, fast forward to yesterday. Me and a group of my african american co-foster parents were having dinner Golden Corral. We are all new fparents and have had our children 3 mos and less. I had already expressed to some of my closer co-fparents what I have been experiencing and they thought I was being paranoid, until yesterday. Muscles and I are the only interracial pair at this time in our close group. We sat in the back of the seating area and I had my back to all the other patrons. The same co-fosters who said I was paranoid all said, "Girl...if looks could kill you'd be dead." I live in San Antonio and It is mostly a hispanic city. I was stared at the whole time. I picked up Mucles and was hugging and kissing on him and the mouths of the patrons dropped (according to the other members of my group). The few people who wandered up to the table acknowledged the other fp's and asked about their children's ages (we all have babies). No one asked about Muscles and the group noticed this. I guess they thought I was the maid.

Not everyone that I encounter is rude. Most people are polite and courteous. The white and hispanic males are perfect. (wink) I just have to learn to ignore the other 20% of this ridiculous population.

I feel better now. Thanks for bearing with me.

[LollipopsAndGumdrops]

How ridiculous! I'm so sorry you have to go through that.

Of all the times I've taken children of different skin colors out with me, I've only received one comment. A woman asked their age differences and then asked if I only had the three and when I said that I wasn't the mom, she was surprised and apologized. Other than that, the only comments or stares I've seen have been of the "you have your hands full!" variety. Maybe it is just that I've been so busy with the children that I haven't noticed them.

I did once witness an AA woman screaming and yelling at a Caucasian woman who was married to an AA man and had a bi-racial baby. The AA woman chased her around the store screaming something unintelligable about a white woman with a black baby and had to be drug away by another person with her. I think that woman was crazy. I can't imagine getting passive-aggresive craziness day in and day out like you are. (((Hugs!)))

[dachshunds4you]

People can be so rude and insensitive.

Our first foster baby was caucasin blue eyes, blond hair. I'm a lighter skin hispanic with green eyes dark hair, hubby is darker skin hispanic with brown eyes. This lady had the nerve to come up to me and ask how it is my baby has blue eyes. I said well my mom has blue eyes, which is true (not saying she got the blue eyes from my mom)...and she said no it's not possible for a person with green eyes and a person with brown eyes to have a baby with blue eyes. I was like, who are you a genetic expert! I said, well it happened with us and left it at that.

Our new baby is 1/2 hispanic, 1/2 aa. She is darker skin like my hubby, but does have some features of aa. People are taking second looks at us, but you know, who cares! Obviously those people are not up on the times of kids being transracial.

I simply ignore these people, or if they really get me mad, stare them down!

Hang in there.

[mamallama]

I'm the palest freckle faced Irish woman you've ever seen and all of our kiddos but one are dark brown. We probably get looks but I don't even notice them anymore. I used to feel really sensitive and wonder what everyone thought about us but over the years I just stopped thinking about it. I hope the same will be true for you!

[EandDmom]

I don't get it too much about our fkids and race even though they are half hispanic and we are very pale white people. My poor dd gets it though. She is a very much a hands on foster sister and is always helping me with them. She got stared daggers one day at the childrens museum by an older woman. I didn't notice but she did and she said she finally just stopped and gave her a what the .. look about that time the youngest one ran up to her yelling sissy sissy. She said the older woman got all red faced and looked away. People are always thinking they are her kids she just takes it in stride most of the time and says nope they are my foster brothers and sister.

[potentialsinglemom]

I am praying that soon I will get over being oversensitive about it. I do not intend to limit any child by race, so it better be soon.

[millie58]

People outside the foster/adopt world don't realize there's a whole world of interracial families. Maybe as Americans grow up more, there will be less of staring and more of oohing and aahing!!

Originally Posted by potentialsinglemom

I am praying that soon I will get over being oversensitive about it. I do not intend to limit any child by race, so it better be soon.

[CaddoRose]

I've said this on the forums several times: I am constantly amazed at people and how they react to foster families. We live in a culture where people have biological children while they are single or married. When a divorce occurs, we end up later with blended families and spouses who look nothing like the step children. Grandparents are taking in and raising their grandchildren at an unbelievable rate. We have had international adoption for years and years and the foster/adopt system has been in place for a log time, not to mention

So why is it that people think it's odd to see a person of one ethnic look with a baby of another?!? Apparently some people still cling to the old ways of thinking that in order to have a baby through adoption or other means, they had to look like the parents or everyone would know.Oh the horror!!! They need to grow up and step into the world of today.

[Kelly Rae]

You will get used to it which may not be all good . Our adopted kids are all different ethnicities but our youngest three are a picture of contrasts. H 5 yo is Native American, Hispanic, and Asian, T 3 yo is African American with a gorgeous rich dark brown skin, L 1 yo is Irish with fair skin, red hair, and eyes so blue they are almost purple. Talk about stares .

[4cats2kids]

We get the looks also. FGD is 4 Bio daughter not mother is 15. Everyone assumes she is the 15 year olds especially when she calls me Grandma.

[devildogwife]

We'd get looks, but no comments. We're in our early 20's, but had a Native American fd, 9-years-old with a tracheostomy. People we encountered were apparently too polite to say anything to our faces, but the looks were unbelievable. Almost as bad as the looks we got when we'd have to tube feed our son (who is also NA) in public.

[blubutterflies03]

let them stare away...

If only they could do what we do. To love unconditionally, to look beyond skin deep, to embrace other people's children and love them like our own!

[Prettyboicris]

My wife and I have thought about this with people staring but we will deal with it if we were to get a non AA child since we are an AA couple open to any race. I have transracial couples in my family which leads to the multiracial kids. My cousin was telling me how when his daughter was an infant people would look at him funny because he is a dark skin black man with this very light skinned baby girl. His wife is hispanic and very light and his daughter came out her complexion and people would not believe that was his daughter eventhough she looks like a mini version of him. He says now it is much easier because she is always saying "Daddy, daddy , daddy" so anyone who questions will get over it quickly. I think we as foster and/or adoptive parents are often put in unique situations and are able to learn something and get a unique insight into society because we experience and see things that most families may not notice or even deal with.

Stay strong.

[Prettyboicris]

Originally Posted by blubutterflies03

let them stare away...

If only they could do what we do. To love unconditionally, to look beyond skin deep, to embrace other people's children and love them like our own!

I absolutely agree! Most of the people staring could never do what we do. We jump through more hoops to help children and create families than most people do to get a job! You have to have your background checked, get finger printed, have strangers come into your home and all. Then a child you dont know is place with you and you have to care for that child unconditionally. That takes real character. You have gone through so much, dont let a few ignorant people get to you.

Be well

[Newshyde]

I get the comments too, though sometimes they are amusing. I'm white with brown hair/brown eyes, but very white skin. I have two AA foster kids. The first time we went to McDonalds, the 4yo was playing on the playground and the baby was in the car seat sleeping. A girl, about 11 or 12 years old comes up, stares at the baby, stares at me, stares and the baby and says, "Her daddy is black huh?" I said, "yes he is." She walked away.
At the same time, it amazes me how often people assume I gave birth to her and start asking me pregnancy questions, and the how much did she weigh and all that. I get it alot while I'm sitting in the doctor's waiting room. I generally play along as long as I can get away with it. Yesterday, at Wal-Mart an AA man saw me carting around both kids and asked if they were mine. I said, "They're with me." He then complimented the 4yo on how well behaved he was. I also notice I get a lot of smiles from AA women. I don't know why, but I just smile back.

By the way, I love seeing interracial families when I'm out. I don't know if they are fost/adopt, born that way, or whatever. I just love it.