[shazwott]

I got my first placement last fall and it was 10 yr old and her 12 yr old brother. They were sweet kids but after about 2 weeks, they drove me absolutely insane (the case worker described them as very young for their age"). I could never get any alone time, and it was always "look at me", more like a 4 yr old, but with the bedtime of pre-teens so that I never even got time to myself after they went to bed. I took a month off, and now I now have a 1 yr old and his 11 yr old sister. I'm scared to death that I'm going to get burnt out with these kids like I did with the other 2. How long does the honeymoon period last? And how do other single FP's stay sane?

[Julesell]

I'm a single mom and I have two kids, 4 and 7. Privacy pretty much is over when you are a single mom. You take it where you can get it. I spend time alone over lunch and my commute to work. That's pretty much it. With little ones, you don't even really get time alone in the shower! Although I have finally gotten them to stop opening the curtain. :-)

With teens/preteens you could say they need to be in their rooms at X time and lights out at X time. That could lengthen the time you get to yourself...but frankly, you'll probably just have to find a way to get by with less.

From the time I hit the door in the evenings it is all about my kids. The rest of my day is my "alone" time. Sometimes I go to bed when they do and other times I manage to stay up an hour or two. But I get up very early in the morning to get home earlier in the day to be with them.

It's harder to start with older kids...and then more than one at a time. Kids suck up all of your energy and some days its all you can do to crawl into bed at the end of the day. Other times, I can be EXAUSTED after work and I pick them up and they run to me for hugs and kisses and I'm energized. It's like my day is just really starting because I'm with them.

The difference is, with new foster kids, you don't love them yet. You don't even know them so you're not getting recharged by being with them. I think it gets easier once there is more of a give and take relationship. Right now you are giving a lot of yourself and probably not getting much back in return.

I equate adopting each of my children to babysitting. For a while it felt like they were "someone" else's child I was keeping for a few days. Eventually I stopped waiting for the knock at the door and they became mine.

Now four years since my last adoption I and seven years since my first, I can't remember a time without them. I also can't remember the last time I had the house to myself or saw a movie that wasn't Rated G.

But I'm okay with that because this is what I chose. They'll grow up soon enough and I'll wish for these days again.

Try to do little things for yourself and cherish the five minutes you can grab here or there. Find a friend you can trade childcare with or take them to a play place where they can run around and you can read, etc. There are also good mom's night out programs. Try the YMCA or other like organizations.

Good luck!

Julie
AdoptionOptionStories.blogspot.com

[Pursuingmydream]

You may even want to try limiting your placements to one child at a time. I tried to do it with two kids and it was too much for me. I think as time goes on I will be able to handle more than one kid at a time.

[michsm]

Originally Posted by Pursuingmydream

You may even want to try limiting your placements to one child at a time. I tried to do it with two kids and it was too much for me. I think as time goes on I will be able to handle more than one kid at a time.

I totally agree. I am a single fp. I started out with 3 due to a family placement. It was extremely overwhelming. I thought I was going to loose it most of the time. Parenting is such a huge adjustment. Especially when you dont do it from birth and get to know the child as they grow. You have to remember you are taking a child with issues no matter whether they are 3 or 12. There is alot of adjusting that takes place.

Take it slow at first. Don't try to be supermom and make sure you take some time for yourself.

[adoptionblessin]

Most important is to take time for your self , I recently closed my house bc of the needs of my two children both are special needs. I am used to having 6 kids all with needs so that is also an adjustment, my son laughs and says Im still cooking for an army. But utilize the resources you have available if any, and stick to s schdule as much as possible.Hopefully you have good workers to assist and offer suggestions.

[Singlemom619]

My first placement was an intensive treatment foster child and I was a single mom and had just started my career teaching.

I took the first day off work to buy him clothes and get him enrolled, and then was back to work. Yes he needed attention, but I had fun giving it to him. He had a lot of issues. I was able to teach him that on the weekends he could go in the fridge to get a yogurt and a drink and then he could come in my room and play on the ground next to my bed. He did this very well.

I never felt like I had given anything up because I knew this is what I wanted to do. I ended up adopting him.

A few years later I took on two siblings so I had a family of 3 and I'm still single.

While I agree with others that taking less children might help - I've also found that having two+ children means they do play with each other and entertain each other... But then again if you have them in sports and activities that's double (or triple) the places to drive them.

Maybe kids closer in age would be better - and an age that's a little more self sufficient.

And yes - my kids have to be upstairs in their rooms by a certain time - no noise.

I also make a point to get a sitter once a month and to go out. Check your local YMCA or county agencies - some of them have free childcare once a month for a "parent night out" type of thing... I don't have them anymore but they were in my old town.

[bethy724]

I agree w/ 1 placement at a time & USE RESPITE!!!

[shazwott]

thanks for all the great advice! A friend of mine said she thought that my first kids were just difficult kids and would have been difficult for anyone, but that I thought it was me cuz I didnt have anything to compare it to. I'm really enjoying the kids that I have now, and the first kids taught me how to be a parent rather than a babysitter (I tend to be a little too lenient). I used respit once a month with the other kids, but don't really see having that same need with these kids right now

[chevyjewel]

I'm a single foster parent now. As well as pretty much a single parent to my two bios (4 and 5) as their dad rarely sees them (we are divorcing). I currently have two fosters (1 and 2) and have for the past 9 months now.

The above scenario is fine for some and would drive others insane. You have to be honest with yourself and decide what'll work for YOU. Some can make single foster parenting work and for others it's too much. Personally, if you don't REALLY enjoy parenting I think it'll likely be too much no matter if it's one addition or five because the vast majority of foster kiddos are going to have exaggerated issues compared to most other kids. So even if you are just taking in one meeting that one child's needs will be more like the equivalent of taking on 5 lol. Strict bedtimes help no matter what the age. I very rarely use respite (never before my current kiddos and just three times total since these guys have been with me) because the kids I take in are younger and I think it's terribly confusing, as well as traumatic, to just drop them off at a strangers house for any given period of time.

To help myself stay sane I've made my bedroom a kid free zone. No toys, no junk, bills, playing or noise. It's a sanctuary of sorts. If I get rattled I make sure everyone is safe and head there, out to the garage or to the backyard for a game of fetch with my dogs for a few minutes. I take advantage of visitations and go running or rollerblading whenever the weather is cooperative.

I'm a natural born homebody so I don't mind staying cooped up most of the time. If I get out alone once a month I'm more than satisfied so it all works out here. With how busy I am running everywhere for therapy and doc appts on top of visitation schedules and case workers dropping by, on top of running errands and taking care of life for my own two, usually the best part of my day is bedtime and crashing in front of the tv in bed. The last place I want to be going is out!!!

[Yash]

Although I have finally gotten them to stop opening the curtain. :-)

Julie
AdoptionOptionStories.blogspot.com[/quote]

At what age did that miracle happen? But do they still come in the bathroom though?