[SarahBethsMommy]

Do any of you guys attend the visits of your foster children? Have you always?

We might start visits with bio grma and bio dad soon. They live 6 hours away and will have to travel up on weekends (probably 2 a month if they make that) to visit him. There will be a supervisor there, but caseworker asked me to think about if I'd like to be there too.

I'm leaning to yes I'd rather stay with him because I don't trust these people and Lil Buddy gets completely freaked out by new folks and loud noises and crowds. But then, I also think I should give them time to be the parents without me there. I don't know. I am glad there will be a supervisor there as I certainly wouldn't want to do that right now, but I'm not sure if I should go for a few times and then stop or just not go ever or what.

The other thing to think of is that it would be about 3-4 hours on a Saturday that I'd be away from my bio daughter and DH too.

[Maura_H]

I have done so - but they were visits that lasted about an hour or two with an aunt whom I liked. The baby was very sensitive and really needed me there - at times he could freak out if he didn't see me so I felt better being there.
There have been other families thought that I would not do that with - because they were unstable.
I'd plan on going to the first one - even if you stay just a bit in the beginning to see how your FC does -if all is going well then you can leave, if not, then plan on staying.
This first visit will probably answer most of your questions.

[mamallama]

I didn't go with our very first foster child because I didn't realize that I could but I have gone to every other one since. I transport the kids to the visit, sign in, walk them up to the visit room, talk with bioparents for a bit (mostly about the kids: they just ate, need a diaper change, might be sleepy, etc.) and then find something else to do for an hour. Usually I bring a book to read. I typically stay close by - camped out in the caseworkers office or a waiting room. When the visit is over I usually have the opportunity to chat with the bioparents again. I keep it light, share a funny thing one of the kids did or mention their new favorite book.

I feel like attending the visits makes it less traumatic for our foster kids. It helps them transition and they feel safe because I am there. It also gives me the opportunity to make a connection with the bioparents.

Also... transport workersin our area have a reputation for being careless (don't flame me! lol). Our first foster child's carseat would never be installed properly for a visit, she'd often come home soaked from spit up with a soggy diaper and she rarely came home with everything I sent. The transport worker usually don't supervise the visit, another worker does. So no one seems to know when the baby was fed, changed, etc.

Edited to add: I am a SAHM, we get reimbursed .32 a mile for transport, the visits are every two weeks and only last an hour. And we've never worked with parents who were abusive. It certainly makes it easier for me to go to visits. Obviously not everyone's circumstances are the same.

[greenrobin]

Since you are being asked, I'd say go.

Just a word to the wise--we had a sw who let us stay during visits. Apparently her department didn't know anything about it. The bios complained that we were interfering, totally untrue I might add, but there were multiple issues that ended up prolonging things.

We no longer attend visits, but we do transport.

[carlychan]

I ALWAYS go with my FS. We have had him since 4 months old and he doesn't know anyone else as his parents. When visits were at the center I sat in the waiting room. I could hear him cry and they would ask what he needed. I was on hand to help. Later, I supervised visits with birthmom. Obviously, I was there for those I would go for sure!