[allena_rose]

I've only been fostering for about six months and have had FS for 3 of them.

D is 12, but behaves more in the 2-6 age range.

He is RAD, ADHD, PTS, mentally and developmentally delayed. Unable to stay focused and needs continuous watching and guiding. He is unable to function in a normal school enviroment and has 4 hours of school, until a behavior school has an opening, which I am told can take up to six months.

For some reason it seems as though he has attached to me. (although I sometimes doubt the sincerity) I believe he is about as attached as he can be and don't forsee much change. He also lies and steals.

He has counsiling, a CTA (who I think is doing more harm then good) , but other then that just me.

CW is determined to TPR case ASAP. I just found out that she wants me to either take guardianship, or adopt with all the services they now offer.

It seems that I am the only one who can take control of the situation when D explodes, even the counselor and CTA call me for help when they are working with him. (why can I control him and the "experts" can't ????)

This is very exhausting for both me and my family. My bio 5 yr old, feels left out and neglected due to his behavior and needs. She is also "learning" to mimic his behavior.

Having him removed is not an option at this point, but I really need some advise, help, or maybe different stories that could help me.....

[mommytoEli]

i would personally want to foster for alot longer than 3 months before even making that kind of decision with a RAD child. is long term fostering not an option at this point? having been with you such a short time, i really think talking guardianship or adoption is a little premature. but that's just me.

[lucyjoy]

You can handle him when the experts can't because he is honeymooning for you.

You need to talk to any other foster homes he's been in and find out what you are not yet seeing.

I also think you need to think long and hard about your 5 year old. Keeping this child will alter his personality and the course of his life. He is losing time with you and learning behaviors he shouldn't. Younger siblings tend to look up to older ones even if they are making poor decisions.

You may want to look at the special needs forum and post there as well.

[allena_rose]

I'm not considering either guardianship or adoption, the long term effects would be to dramatic for me to even consider. I was surprised the cw even brought it up.

Athough D has been passed around since birth, it was only after his guardian (bio g-ma) dropped him off as a safe haven child, that he has come into care, and into my live.

Very little is actually known at this time. I am very concerned about the behaviors that my 5 year old is seeing and the effect that he is having on my family.

But I don't want to give up on him, until he is placed in a .... whatever you call it, facility.

[mommytoEli]

i am also surprised.....and a little angry that the cw brought it up, but i am glad it is not a consideration for you at this time. are you then just wanting advise on how to deal with him now, or how to help keep your 5 year old from imitating him? as far as this:

(why can I control him and the "experts" can't ????)

the only thing i can say, not knowing you...so maybe you are just super amazing , but what i know to be true about my RAD dd is that she is very willing to listen to anyone BUT me. when we were new foster parents, she would listen to me, for a short while, but she was always shopping for the next adult...so she would do...and still will do...most of what is asked of her by someone else....she really sets herself up so that other adults think she is compliant, and that i am crazy. if i ask her to take 3 steps forward, she'll hop 6 steps back. lol. maybe the placement is just new, and he is just not in the zone yet. i hate to say it, but it is true for many of our kiddos. i'd like to say, positively, that maybe you are just more in tune to him, or maybe no one has ever given him so much support before, but if he is truly RAD, that is probably not likely. sad, huh?

[allena_rose]

I don't think I'm super amazing (although that would be nice), I just expect him to follow basic rules and behaviors (which to my knowledge he has never experienced before.)

Not complaining, but boy does he take A LOT of time and energy! I'm just worried about the effect his behaviors will have on my daughter. I also don't want her to feel left out.

One other thing, he tends to ignore her completely.... any advice on how to deal / help with that?

He is my first RAD, and although I feel I've learned some, I know I have a long way to go!

Thanks everyone for any and all advice!