[thelowlanders]

I just heard this from CW today about FD. We've had her for 7 months and now some aunt pops up. She's interested. Then backs up a bit and says she'll "wait it out". How is this in best interest of the child? As they always like to say. I of course urged CW to talk w/ aunt about taking her now if she's actually interested. Why would they wait, let her get even more happy and attatched, then say By the way, I want you now.....later in the game.

Also, if we are considered just as much as relatives for permanent placement after so many months, how does this work while she's still in foster care? Does Aunt get her whenever she decides she feels like it? or do they consider her already with "family"? How does this work?
Thanks

[Withay]

Also, if we are considered just as much as relatives for permanent placement after so many months, how does this work while she's still in foster care? Does Aunt get her whenever she decides she feels like it? or do they consider her already with "family"? How does this work?

Please refer to Post #10 in your 01/10/09 thread below. Remember, Current Caretaker status cannot be assigned until tpr has happened. That means that even if fd is in your home for 2 years without tpr you would not be given current caretaker status and thus would not have the same standing as family.

6 months of fostering makes us equal to family???

[Hadley2]

My guess/hope is that the auntie is thinking "why rock the boat" if your fd will be going home, anyway--better for a successful fostering arrangement to continue providing stability until RU. If RU is very likely, then she may be correct on that. The other hand, of course, is if RU is unlikely then the child should move to wherever would be the best bet for forever home.

She may also feel that it would be some kind of betrayal of the parents to take the child before TPR. Personally, while I don't judge someone as a bad person for thinking that, I do think that it is clear that their focus is not on the child.

CW needs to be very clear with aunt on whether RU is questionable or not. Personally I think things ought to look VERY good for RU to not move to most likely adoptive resource family when possible. Second, CW needs to be very clear with aunt that it is possible to wait too long and that that time is approaching. Finally, she needs to make it clear to aunt that taking this on in any way means focusing solely on the child's needs, and that that may mean disregarding what the parents want or even cutting them off entirely. Aunt's life may change, and change dramatically. People need to know that.

Hope all works out well.

[mamachell]

Lowlanders,

I've also heard that some family don't want the "bother" of a baby (midnight feeding, crying, dirty diapers, etc.) and wait until the child is a toddler and "easier" to deal with. Is your fc a baby?

I know how you feel, I also have a fear of a relative popping up after about a year. I hope that some judges really do take bonding and attachment into consideration.

Good luck,
Mamachell

[SarahBethsMommy]

My Lil Buddy's bio dad lives with his mother who is his legal guardian (he is mentally handicapped). She would not allow him to come and get a paternity test for almost a full year of Lil Buddy's case workers calling and requesting it. Then, Lil Buddy was moved to my home and suddenly she brough him up to get the test. They decided that they wanted Lil Buddy. The CW asked why and she said, "Well, we didn't think it was that bad yet." Umm, so they were just going to wait until the absolute last minute before TPR to get a test and try to get him back? Apparently. Their HS was denied though and she hasn't made an effort to do anything else, so I don't think she'll make a big stink anymore.

I just wonder sometimes what these bio family members are really thinking. Maybe they consider that bio mom or dad will get their acts together if they just wait long enough.

[MamaS]

I agree with Mamachell. I have heard several relatives say (and many adopters who were adopting from overseas) that they didn't want infants. They wanted to wait until the children were toddlers. This would bypass night feedings, teething, worry about crib death/SIDS, learning to walk, etc. and --most importantly for international adopters -- it was easier to determine if the child was medically/developmentally "normal" when they were about 18 months.
If I were the caseworker -- which I could never be -- I would give relatives one week after they knew about the child to make a decision. Then, if they wanted the child they would have to step up to the plate and go for it NOW. If they didn't, I would deem them "not interested" and mark them off my list permanently.

[Sooner]

Being in a kinship situation my first thought is they don't want to deal with the drama of the bios. They know what they are like. Our little guys, bio grandmother on the father's side didn't get involved until he was 6 months old & suddenly wanted overnights and to supervise visits, I was floored, where had she been all that time. She knew her son was on drugs and frankly hadn't seen him in over a year before our little man was born. He suddenly acts like he is trying & used her to get out of being supervised by DHS. She complained about having to drive an hour to our home to pick him up, what kind of grandma is that? Now, 2 years later & post TPR & we haven't heard from her since October. I really don't believe she ever cared about our little guy, just was hoping it would motivate her son to stay clean, which he didn't. His brother said he would take the baby but didn't want to deal with his brother.

I will admit that when we found out that my step daughter was pregnant & we knew it would likely not go well, we thought we wouldn't get involved but one look at that baby & we couldn't turn our back.

[timleenettesue]

"If I were the caseworker -- which I could never be -- I would give relatives one week after they knew about the child to make a decision. Then, if they wanted the child they would have to step up to the plate and go for it NOW. If they didn't, I would deem them "not interested" and mark them off my list permanently."

MamaS, I agree 100% with you on this!!!!!!

[thelowlanders]

Hmmm...

I read that and now feel a bit confused. The CW just talked to me about something going on in February that she had filed for, for us. That we would be going before a committee next month, etc. What is this? Because there definitely has not been TPR.

[Boulderbabe]

Originally Posted by Withay

Please refer to Post #10 in your 01/10/09 thread below. Remember, Current Caretaker status cannot be assigned until tpr has happened. That means that even if fd is in your home for 2 years without tpr you would not be given current caretaker status and thus would not have the same standing as family.

Withay,

I'm not sure this is entirely accurate, and it may vary substantially from state to state. In Colorado, state law requires due diligence on a search for relatives in the beginning of the case. But then it is explicitly stated in the law that the court's preference for relatives should decline the longer the child has been in a single foster family.

[hkolln]

Originally Posted by thelowlanders

Hmmm...

I read that and now feel a bit confused. The CW just talked to me about something going on in February that she had filed for, for us. That we would be going before a committee next month, etc. What is this? Because there definitely has not been TPR.

I know when they were trying to determine placement either with us or the previous FP's they had what Idaho calls a CRPT meeting where everyone gets together, goes over the files and decided whom to place the child with. The committee was the CASA, the SW, the SW's supervisor and the director of CPS. And at that time TPR was not done but it was going to be filed soon.

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by timleenettesue

"If I were the caseworker -- which I could never be -- I would give relatives one week after they knew about the child to make a decision. Then, if they wanted the child they would have to step up to the plate and go for it NOW. If they didn't, I would deem them "not interested" and mark them off my list permanently."

MamaS, I agree 100% with you on this!!!!!!

I think you both may be assuming that the individual caseworkers have a lot more power than the actually do. This decision really isn't up to them - their hands are as tied by the system as ours are. As long as the laws put bio family first and judges are willing to give extended periods for this, there really isn't a thing a SW can do to prevent it, even if she wants to.

[wtacey01]

Any chance that the relatives are stepping back - hoping that the parents will get their acts together and work the plan?
Maybe they are worried that if they step in and foster these kids that the parents will lose all motivation to get their children back since they will be with family, but if they think that they are with "strangers" they might work harder to change their path.

JM2C
SKM

[mommy2fiveplus]

We had a somewhat similar situation with my oldest son's (result of kinship adoption) sister, she was placed in care and I did not find out until she had been there for more than 5 mos. As soon as the agency knew that I knew about her, they asked if we wanted her placed with us (we have maintained our foster license and continues doing foster care since his placement). We were in the midst of an adoption and were full at the time so we declined placement of her, though we still wanted to be a part of her life and to allow our son to know his sister.

We decided to do visits so that if she were ever transitioned to us it would not be so traumatic. In the end we came to know and trust the foster family she was placed with and instead of adopting her we have a very open adoption with them so that the children know and see each other regularly.

I believe that relatives should be involved in some way early on, even if it is only visits. That way the transition if it occurs is less traumatic for the child, and that is who we should all be putting first. Bio fams that are uneducated on the effects of the "system" on kids may not understand this until it is all laid out but once they have been informed they should either step up (at least minimally for visits) or step back.

[thelowlanders]

wtacey- THat is a very different perspective to consider. Perhaps in trying my best to think positively about her family, I'll think along that route.

I also agree that if she's going to be placed in the future perhaps she should start getting to know them. But to be honest, I'm not really excited about having her bounce back in forth between homes and cultures if they are thinking really long visits. We'd definitely get Alot of the "well, they let me...." haha She's awfully smart and tricky for 3yrs old