[o2b30again]

Ok so this isn't about my children but one of my daycare children. ( I have her 50hrs per week) I don't know where else to go for immediate answers so I thought that I would try you guys. Here is the story...

I have had this girl since she was born. She is now 4 1/2 yrs old and will be heading off to K in the fall. She is a thin girl also has been and she is healthy/active. Her mother pushes her to eat all her meals and sends her in the morning with a waffle because she refuses to eat. Well she gets here and I follow moms orders. She sits. Recently when she doesn't want to eat she will make herself throw up! If I thought that this was a mental thing with her or that she needed help I wouldn't get so upset but the fact is that she is throwing up so that she doesn't have to eat! I am guessing like any other child that she will eat when she is hungry. Shouldn't we just be serving balanced nutritious meals and see what happens? Here is the other part....She is a single mom and they eat out LOTS or order in. The child gets pretty much what she wants. Mom thinks that letting her get High School Musical waffles will make her want to eat....I have High School Musical waffles thrown up all over my table and I get stuck doing her laundry!

Any advice on how you would deal with this girl would be great. Here is what I have started. No snacks or treats unless she eats meals. She also has the choice to eat meals that I have prepared. I am no longer going to force her to sit and take bites. I figure if I am giving her the good food she will eventually eat if she is hungry. I realize if this isn't happening then we need would need to approach this from a different angle.

How do I approach mom with this new rule I am implementing? Any other ideas or approaches in how to deal with this girl would be great. I just have my hands full at the moment and can't deal with playing mental games everyday.

Thanks!

[jbee]

with our daycare kids i don't allow outside food in the house, it makes the other kids want it and just causes confusion.
i make meals, eat it or be hungry until snack. and no, i am not giving more snack to someone because they skipped the meal. they get the same amount.
i would have her clean up the throw up and launder it. or just bag the clothes and have her have an extra set there. i don't launder poopy or dirty stuff here, i just put on the spare set i make them keep here. let mom deal with the mess.
i am assumming she is just a spoiled kid who needs to learn her bull dosen't fly at your house, not that she is like some of the foster kids on here who have bigger issues causing similar behavior?
i put the no outside food stuff in my rules i give to parents at interview. i tell them my food policy, how i'm not going to force them to eat but i am not a restaurant doing made to order food.

[evillemomndad]

I watch a little boy (also 4.5) who does the same things.

His grandmother gives him whatever he wants (cookies, candy, pancakes, etc.) and has him so spoiled this way.

He knows that he is to eat what is put in front of him, and that he will not be having sugary foods just because he wants them.

He'll often eat, and will throw up while eating or right after.

We've been battling this for over a year now, but it's getting better.

[AmahMama]

While I totally agree with the not-a-take-out or restaurant cook rules (believe me! I really do!) sometimes it's not because they are spoiled. A child seems to learn quickly that there are some things an adult cannot control - and whether or not they vomit is one of them. I have used daycare for many years - and even in school - nasty clothing comes home. I have never been lucky enough to have any sort of provider who would wash or even rinse out nasty clothing. If forced to eat when they don't particularly feel well - yes - some who are fight for some sort of control - they will purposely vomit. I don't make any of my (even the ftt's) eat. It is there, if they are hungry, they will eat. My ftt's of course got higher calorie foods and I make more effort to tantalize thier appitites - of course.

Another thought - especially if fried fast foods have been a regular diet - maybe the child has developed GERD or reflux. I had one little guy who was dx'd as ftt (and removed from mom because of it) and to me it didn't fit the symptoms - because he liked to eat - but when he ate he had horrible dreams, a nasty nose, a tummy ache, etc.... I took him to a different dr (of course Mom would have to do that in your case) and he was dx'd with reflux. He went on Reglan and did so great that he was ru'd 3 months later - when he started gaining weight.

So, if I knew that food in general wasn't disagreeing with the child - I wouldn't make her eat - she will when she is hungry. And I wouldn't be doing her clothing or taking in outside food for her either.

Don't know if this would help any - a child who vomits on purpose is setting herself up for dire medical issues...... I'd also make sure that I kept a daily note of some sort - and make sure Mom is aware (in writing).

[BZmom7]

Our FS came to us with the "throw up whenever I want" attitude (he was 4.5yrs.). He STILL can!! With him, it's more of a control thing. If he doesn't like whats on the table or on his plate, he'll start fussing about it. When I insist that he takes a "no thank-you" bite, he'll make himself throw up! SOOOOOOOO Now if he does it...I just tell him..."oh, i'm so sorry you can't eat, your excused" but...there are NO snacks...NONE. He has to wait until the next meal.

FS is now 7yrs. old and knows that he's NOT going to get away with this anymore. He now at least TRYS to take bites. If he doesn't like it...thats fine...but he has to at least TRY it. He hasn't thrown up now for about 6 months!

I do agree with the others who've said NOT to do the cleaning. Our children go to a daycare and they NEVER clean there clothes. I just get them in a bag. And I think the "no outside food" is a GREAT way to go!!

Good Luck.

[o2b30again]

BZmom7 you have described my situation pretty much to a tee. Thank you to everyone who replied. I did end up talking with mom and told her not to send food anymore (this is what I originally told her but that was 5 years ago. I guess that she needed reminding) She reacted pretty much like I thought. I knew she would be concerned but I just tried to enforce that I believe this to be a control issue. Her daughter has always been head strong. She agreed to try my way (which was pretty close to all of your ideas) and I encouraged her to contact her ped if she was still uncomfortable.

Thanks again everyone!

[athikers]

My two kids with oral aversion both did/do this. Tucker has not puked yet (in almost four weeks!). But, we were warned that he puked almost daily in foster home. Teeter, my previous foster son was barely 12 months old before he could make himself puke on purpose. It was a control issue. There was so little in his life he could control, but that was something!

[potentialsinglemom]

I have a nephew who used to do this. He would gag at whatever he did not want to eat. It did not not matter if it came from a restuarant or your kitchen. Even if it was something he liked and he did not want it THAT day, he'd have that behavior. If you let him sit at the table alone he would eventually vomit. If you offered him ice cream before/after he vomited or in the middle of a gag, he would stop "dry heaving" and accept. Then, If you tell him he would not get the ice cream, he would start the behavior again.

[AmyAnne]

You may want to fire off a PM to Momraine. Her son does this.

[jllambert]

Our DD tried this with us a few times early on(about age 4 to 4.5). When she realized it did not get the desired reaction and she was going to have to clean up her mess she stopped. It was very clearly a control issue with her! She also wet her pants on purpose a few times, and again once she realized her consequences for that behavior were no fun she stopped that too! I think when dealing with children with control issues it is best to be firm and consistent!
Good Luck!!

[hkolln]

Originally Posted by jllambert

She also wet her pants on purpose a few times, and again once she realized her consequences for that behavior were no fun she stopped that too!

I agree! Alexis used to try that in school of all places to get my husband to leave work to bring her clean clothes! The 1st time it happened I suggested he leave a set of clothes there at the school office for her and it worked! No more of that! Then she started calling him 3-5x's a day about issues at school or feeling sick or whatever! So, he nipped that in the bud by making her put an adult on the phone to confirm the issue. She stopped that too!

Letting her know she couldn't control the issue helped tremendously. Also giving her options as to the right choices also helped.

[SweetyBaby]

I have a day care also and I don't allow any outside food either. I feed the kids breakfast before 8:30 and it's always food from here. For lunch they have 3 or 4 things on their plates. They should like something. If they don't want to eat I explain that it's 3 1/2 hours until snack time. They get no food in between. Another thing to remember is that children this age will not starve themselves. They'll eat when they're hungry. It's nice if mom and you could get on the same consistent plan, but I know that it's not always possible.

As for laundering the clothes, I wouldn't do that either. It's a health issue and I'm not exposing my children to that. I would just bag it up and send it home to mom.

Also, don't give the child ANY attention when she does that. I think that is probably what she's after. I also had a niece that did this when she was younger. We believe it was due to seeing her mother forcing herself to vomit after eating. My niece would use her fingers and everything.

[timleenettesue]

It is so nice to hear I am not alone. Our "little man" has been throwing up since he was 8 months old (he is almost 4 now). They did dx him with acid reflux, but the meds don't stop him from throwing up on demand. If he gets mad or doesn't get his own way he will chuck, anytime, anyplace. And as far as not starving, I think he would at least be malnu. He is already very small for his age (almost four and JUST reached 30 pounds). We walk a fine line of not giving in and losing control. Thanks again for all the imput. I actually feel a little normal now.

[stevenstwin]

My daughter went through a little phase of that (but mostly just in the shower). It TOTALLY freaked me out until I realized she was just doing it because she'd discovered she COULD and thought it was pretty neat. In fact, I had a conversation that was frustrating at the time but pretty funny now! "Why do you throw up, Kiana?" "Because my tummy wants to.". "Okay...but why does your HEAD want to??" "Well...mommy...you know, sometimes my tummy and my head just need to get together and do what they think is right."

[Mommyofthreetobe]

OMG! Am I the only one who is absolutely FREAKED out by this???? If I ever caught one of my kids throwing up on purpose, they would be in therapy so fast their heads would spin!!! Am I just overly paranoid about eating disorders?

I started purging at age eight and that developed into a problem that has plagued me through my whole adult life...whilst in treatment for my eating disorder, I met lots of people who's disorders started in early childhood. I really hope I am not sharing to much here...I'm stable with my illness at this point, but it took so much of my life- it actually almost killed me ona number of occasions; my #1 fear is it being an issue in my children's lives.

How do you know when this is a "normal child thing" and a HUGE, HUGE, life shattering start of an eating disorder? Oh, an I'll also go on the record here for saying that my purging did not START with a preoccupation with body image, but rather a curiosity with the fact that I COULD make myself throw up....this is just so concerning to me...my heart is racing..you have no idea...