[greenrobin]

So, backstory first: DFPS contacted me and basically demanded that I take 2 days a month off of work to take Bubba and Sissy to a 2 hour visit with mom and grandpa in a town about 1 1/2 hours away. After much wrangling and emailing, the visit supervisor said that it would be possible for her to come here, pick up the kids and take them to their visit if I could come get them. Okay! But it works best if we move the visit to after school hours so that I get to keep my job. Okay again!

So we're all set.

Until today.

Apparently the visit supervisor has been talking to the sw about Bubba's behaviors. She said seeing him in person made her doubt that she could transport him safely for the whole trip. We're talking about the to visit trip, not the one home.

I'm scratching my head wondering what the devil she's talking about. I'm assuming he was his normal visit-controlling-out-of-control-self in the visit room. He was a bit hyper when he came out, but that's pretty normal. He does have a few issues about not stretching out his seatbelt while riding, but usually responds well when I put on my angry eyes in the rearview.

I'm totally puzzled. It's okay for ME to drive 3 hours with Drama Boy in the back seat of the Bug with his sister, but not her?

I know we're all scheduled out the wazoo, but this is a really, really tough time of the year for academic teachers. We're getting ready for state high stakes testing, so I have extended teaching days 2 days a week and grad class on one. We live 20 minutes from where I work and the kids are in school in our home town. That leaves 2 days each week for us to do the visit, and one of those is a church night.

I've sent a letter to the sw asking her to please explain what those troubling behaviors are. I'm trying to think up a reasonable compromise. I'm thinking of suggesting that we do visits in a town not far from me and about 2/3 of the way from them. We used to do it, but there were "issues" with that too.

Any suggestions?

[ca-bigsister]

You cannot take time off from work for visits. Sorry. I don't know about your district, but my district is laying off 2300 teachers and well, you know, this isn't the time to be taking off so much time. Afternoon, evening, Saturday morning - I'd tell the worker what I can do and what I can't. I would send an e-mail stating what I can and cannot do. I believe you're close to TPR - so maybe see what can be compromised and what can't but I would not take off work and I don't see how they can make you do that. We are not paid employees.

I would compromise on one church night.

[MassachusettsMom]

Originally Posted by greenrobin

It's okay for ME to drive 3 hours with Drama Boy in the back seat of the Bug with his sister, but not her?

Oye! No advice, just sympathy. I really believe DSS should be fully responsible for scheduling, transporting and supervising visits... but I also know (from experience) that we have to pick our battles and sometimes we can't win that one.

Of course, I'm sure no one suggested stopping the visits.

[greenrobin]

Originally Posted by MassachusettsMom

Of course, I'm sure no one suggested stopping the visits.

You are too funny!

Let's see.....how to tell this and maintain anonymity.....

The former sw didn't exactly play by the book and has, in her belief that the kids were better off with us, jeopardized the case. Because of many, many issues--all legal, none personal (we loved her)--we are going to be visiting until the bitter end. We've had the kids for a little more than 15 months. Up until December, we'd had a total of less than 12 visits. It was on again off again, no regular visits, for 3 months mom was MIA, once she had a warrant with a no contact order that she didn't have ammended for 6 months, and the rest of the time the sw didn't schedule them.

TPR trial is in a couple of months. We'll be visiting right up until then. And when I said bitter, I meant it. Mom is now complaining about everything from the picking on her boy by mine--and it happens, but it's not any worse than with other kids--to them calling me mom, which she's known about since a year ago in November.

Oh, yeah--the family is refusing to travel to make visits. They demand that the kids be brought to them. They've had conflict with the transport worker to the point that she is no longer doing our transport.

I think it's a "give them enough rope and watch what happens" scenario. They've not passed homestudies (3 homes involved), their psych evals aren't good, mom isn't working her plan much and has been arrested on a separate charge from the initial one, grandpa had DUIs and a child abuse charge since the kids have been with me, and mom's been in and out of rehab and halfway houses several times. But it's a jury trial and you just never know what will constitute enough for TPR.

I guess I'll suck it up and do whatever it takes. My boss is great and understands the problem. I just hate being pulled in so many directions at once and feeling like I'm doing a half-way job at all of it. And I really, really hate that we're doing this drama to our kids. We all love them. You'd think we could work something out.