[MPJJJ]

My new boys, ages 7 and 9, swear that they will only really eat tacos and pizza. Thier family agrees. One ate 8 tacos at one sitting because he refused to put anything but meat and cheese on it. We cannot do this, because right now we are feeding 7 people without the subsidy.

According to them, they do not eat produce, rice, potatos, stuffing, or macaroni and cheese, or casseroles. Which is what my family usually eats for dinner. The problem is not only that I feel they are unreasonably picky, they have told me they didn't like things, only to eat them without complaint when I have said "this is what we're having."

In my house, we give our boys something and say "this is what is for dinner. You're not getting anything else. If you don't want to eat it now, that's fine, but that's all you're getting tonight." But can I say this to the fosters? We're not against making alternate things, however, these kids do not like anything, nor have they ever been made to eat healthy meals.

[AmyAnne]

I think that's completely reasonable. I would check with your CW. But ours thought it was perfectly fine that we insisted my son eat something other than Chef Boy Ar Dee. We usually give him 5-10 veto foods, which are foods he DOES NOT have to eat, ever (such as mushrooms, avacadoes, and cheese souffle). He can't change these before a meal. (So he can't veto something I'm in the process of making.

Also, with him, I got tired of the dinnertime drama, so I told him if he didn't want to eat it, fine. We would discuss it when everyone else was done eating, the dishes were done and the table was cleared. So if he even wanted to suggest an option, he had to wait like an hour. Usually he'd give up after 10 minutes and just eat the stupid food I'd made for dinner.

Also I would limit the taco thing the following way: after the first one or two, kiddo either needs to eat some veggies before another meat and cheese taco, or kiddo needs to put veggies on the taco. Or kiddo can be done with the tacos and may be excused.

[HappyHopefulMommy]

We have also struggled with this a little. We were placed with a sib set of 3 and will be adopting them soon. But right now, they are technically "foster kids". For the first few weeks, I said "this is what is for dinner, after you try it, if you do not like it you may have a bowl of cereal". Well, that did not work, because they would almost always choose cereal. Now, we just say, "this is dinner". We eat a lot of pasta and rice and none of the kids wanted much to do with either of those. (They all wanted fast food and soda - my 5 year old only drank water for a month because she wanted soda, she would not touch milk or juice). I believe the "law" is that they have to be served a healthy meal 3 x a day. I do not think we have to make sure they eat it. There are times my 7 year old will not eat mac n cheese and he loves it. Sometimes he just is not that hungry. So, we say exactly what you say to your bios. They always eat something. And they know if they are hungry later, their dinner will be ready for them.

[Shelly77]

It sounds to me like more of a power struggle than an issue with actual tastes for food. So you may want to consider thinking of this in those terms. If you give in to their "demands" it sets them up as the one who makes the rules as opposed to following them. That being said, you have to pick your battles.

Now, I'm not a cook (by DH does most of our cooking, except my favorite Mac and Cheese which I will cook.) However, I did have an idea for you that might help if you decide to try to find a middle ground. A friend of mine with a picky eater once used variations of the food to get them to eat a little bit broader.

Originally Posted by MPJJJ

My new boys, ages 7 and 9, swear that they will only really eat tacos and pizza. Thier family agrees. One ate 8 tacos at one sitting because he refused to put anything but meat and cheese on it.

For example, the one that only eats tacos may eat Taco Soup. He can watch as you make the soup (and maybe you even have to change the recipe slightly to meet his "needs".) Gradually, you can add things to the taco soup. If you don't have a recipe for taco soup let me know and I can get a simple one to you - I think he would like it.

And for the one that only eats pizza, try adding different pizzas to his diet (maybe a spinach cheese pizza) - Not the most ideal meal but at least a variation.

Once you get them to eat a different variation of their favorite foods then you can expand from there. If the pizza guy eats spinach pizza then try a spinach, cheese and pasta casserole (explaining it is the same ingredients in a different cooking style). Gradually maybe you can try to get them to eat other types of things in the casserole.

[fostapeepz]

I LOVE your suggestions, AmyAnne!! I think you may have given us another avenue to try. I have a picky eater, and it has become a power struggle. We've tried everything that made sense to us - and other suggestions weren't practical because we have 3 other kids to feed (like offering a second choice - the other kids would all latch on to that and we'd make 5 separate meals!!). I think letting our picky eater pick 5 or 10 things they don't have to eat, will put some control back into her hands, without giving her all the control. I hope it works - we don't want a future eating disorder on our hands.

[CaddoRose]

Our CW told us we had to offer three meals a day and two snacks. She said that several times to reiterate that they do not have to eat what we offer. It's their choice to not eat. I document the food I offer and if it's not eaten so that if it became an issue I could show I was offering normal healthy meals and the kids were choosing to not eat it.

We eat lots of veggies. I would say we are on the verge of being vegetarians(which I was for 8 yrs). After Bubba came to our house, his sister who we had already had for several months, decided that she didn't like veggies. Too bad. I think it was a control issue for her. She had been happily eating green beans, carrots, edamame, squash,etc without ever saying a word about it or refusing them.She wanted french fries and cookies. Guess who didn't eat much for two days? I don't offer alternatives either.

My kids had only eaten fast food. She knew the sign for every fast food joint around and would scream with glee when she would see one. She had never seen people actually cook. It took a few months of telling her I had to cook for her to understand that food didn't just magically appear in a bag.

So keep cooking good food and offering it for meals. When they get hungry,they will eat. We're not short order cooks, we're foster parents and a part of being a foster parent is to show these kids what a real home life is like.

[greenrobin]

Maybe I'm just mean, but I only ever offer 1 choice for any meal. I am not a short order cook, I am the mom. Eat, don't eat--your choice.

We too were told to offer the meals (we never heard about snacks, but they're there, too) but the kids don't have to eat.

I'm of the opinion that I don't have to attend every fight I'm invited to. So, if kids want to power struggle, they have nothing to pull against. I just don't play.

Most kids will eat when they're really hungry. And sometimes, they just live on air!

Now, the 10 taco thing. We had a sib set that would gorge until there was nothing left. We finally resorted to portion size control as well as cutting them off at seconds. It was all about running the show with those guys. So, we limited.

Documenting is a good idea, at least until the boys decide they can eat what's offered.

[jphollen]

The only time I offer an alternative (usually leftovers or cereal and fruit) is when we are having something "new" or someone REALLY REALLY honestly doesn't like. The only kid immune from this rule is the one who has food allergies and sensory integration dysfunction. (FS said that was bull so I offered to make him an appointment for allergy testing explaining the process and he changed his tune!) Thats one approach. The other is what my Mom did to me when I was about 12 and insisted Nachos were the only thing I could eat. She gave them to me 3 times a day everyday, and that was all I got (of course this may not work with a foster child when we are required to provide balanced meals but you get the idea). It took two days to cure me of my nacho phase and I still don't eat them.

Jen

[EandDmom]

I make one meal.. always a main dish a fruit and a veggie well no veggie at breakfast. They either eat or be hungry until the next meal. Today my 2year old fs didn't eat his lunch very well and started yelling 2 hours later to go cook dinner mommy I'm hungry. I just kept saying then you should have ate your lunch dinner is in 3 hours and did the count down from there. They will eat if there is nothing else for them to eat. I would not let them eat that many tacos at one sitting. When we first got these kids they didn't want to stop eating so we had to finally limit how much they ate per meal. They are fine now and eat normal amounts.

[onhazier]

You will probably not have any problem from your CW if you tell the children "this is dinner. You don't have to eat it if you don't want it. However, there's nothing else for dinner." You're not withholding food. You've made a reasonable meal and the child has choosen to not eat. Skipping a meal or two will not hurt the child and they will quickly learn that there's a long time between dinner and breakfast.

We just had our discipline training last week and this specific topic was discussed. The above is a summary of what our trainer advised us. The reason we discussed this in discipline training is because we're not allowed to withold food as a form of discipline.

[waited2long]

That can't actually be all they eat? What are they having for breakfast and lunch?

[MPJJJ]

So far we've only had 3 lunches here (they eat breakfast and lunch at school). For breakfast they will only eat cereal if several tablespoons of sugar are poured in it (not happening!), or eggs and toast. For lunch they originally said they didn't like tomato soup, but I made it anyways because we have a lot of it, and then they said they love it when they can dip grilled cheese in it.

Tonight we had pork chops with gravy, biscuits, scalloped potatos, and applesauce. Only the pork chop and buscuit were touched. One said he doesn't like applesauce. I cringed at how much food went to waste. They both opted to forgo their dessert cookie. I guess one good thing is they will be eating much less sweets, because they so rarely eat what we cook!

[AmyAnne]

We did offer second choices in the beginning. However: 1. We did not have other children here and 2. We phased it out within the first 2 months. We probably would not have offered second choices at ALL except our son lost like 10 pounds in the hospital due to an appendectomy and extended stay in the hospital.

The idea with the "veto foods" is yes, there are some foods everyone plain does not like and so if he doesn't like black eyed peas, fine. However, he needs to be able to pick an alternative vegetable.

[LollipopsAndGumdrops]

Originally Posted by MPJJJ

So far we've only had 3 lunches here (they eat breakfast and lunch at school). For breakfast they will only eat cereal if several tablespoons of sugar are poured in it (not happening!), or eggs and toast. For lunch they originally said they didn't like tomato soup, but I made it anyways because we have a lot of it, and then they said they love it when they can dip grilled cheese in it.

Tonight we had pork chops with gravy, biscuits, scalloped potatos, and applesauce. Only the pork chop and buscuit were touched. One said he doesn't like applesauce. I cringed at how much food went to waste. They both opted to forgo their dessert cookie. I guess one good thing is they will be eating much less sweets, because they so rarely eat what we cook!

You could let them choose what goes on the plate and expect that to be eaten. (You'd probably have to foreshadow the possibility of not liking something and suggesting a small helping and then seconds if they like it.) Then anything after seconds needs to have a balanced meal of one serving of fruit, veggie, and protein eaten before moving on to thirds. There would be little waste since what's going on the plate is getting eaten and they wouldn't gorge on meat and cheese tacos for long.

[mamallama]

I hate wasted food. I would make enough for everyone and either allow them to make their own plates or give them a sample plate (a bite of everything and then they choose what they want more of). You can always freeze the leftovers for a quick lunch.

I personally would make what you normally make for dinner. It sounds more like they "think" they only like tacos and pizza. As long as they are willing to sample what you've made, they are going to find something they like.

My sister gave me good advice a few years back. She told me to let my picky eater help me prepare dinner. He's 7 now and LOVES food, especially what he's made. See if you can get them to help (stir, peel, top with cheese, etc.) Praise them loudly for helping and then praise them again for making such a delicious dish while you are eating.