[marykath]

Not sure if this is the right spot to post this, but...when did you send your fost-adopt child to kindergarten?

Our youngest came to us when she was 17 months. She was developmentally delayed and we had services, which we no longer have because she tested at age level or above. She also came to us with attachment concerns. We continue to work through those issues with the occasional help of a therapist.

She is 4 now and will be 5 in August. California's cut-off date for kindergarten is December. So, it should be a no-brainer as to whether she will go to kindergarten. Her preschool teachers (private preschool) say she wil be ready. Dh thinks she should go.

I am not so sure. While she is academically up to speed, knows her letters, numbers, etc., she is very clingy and needy. Morning preschool exausts her physically and emotionally. Although she has come a long way since joining our family, I still think of her as a fragile kid.

Another note: Our elementary school has the highest test scores in the city. Curriculum is rigerous, and when my oldest was in kindergarten there seemed to be quite a bit of homework.

What did you look at when deciding when to send your children to kindergarten?

[marykath]

Oh, and I should have mentioned that her adoption has been final for a while. So, we are no longer her foster parents and required to send her to school.

[EandDmom]

I'd wait but I tend to baby everyone too much according to dh.

[ca-bigsister]

I'd wait. Many families are waiting these days.

Especially if it is competitive.

[irelady10]

I'm a first grade teacher...its my experience that many kids who turn 5 in late summer and start kindergarten struggle in 1st grade- its a maturity thing, and lots of skills are developemental (meaning, they will get the skills eventually, but if they are young for their grade, it may take them awhile longer). There is no harm in waiting a year with kids who turn kindergarden age in late summer or early fall, IMO!

[vegaschristina]

My dd turned 5 just after (12 days) the kinder-cut-off. So she'll be just shy of 6 years old when she starts this fall. While I am thrilled that she'll be more mature, it was really frustrating keeping a kid who's excited about school home for a whole year!

We're starting to work on the whole "soon you'll be going to school" thing with her and she's getting so excited again.

[Scrapsathome]

Two words: home school

You can spend this year productively so that she'll be at the head of her class when she starts next year. Alternatively, you could try enrolling her in some extra things this summer to give her more experience handling being away from you. That's not what I personally would do, but it is an option.

Jess

[kxl164]

We are holding our son back a year because we don't feel he is ready (he would be old enough to go this coming Fall). Could he handle it... yes, could he handle it well, no. Our local school seems to have no problem with kids not being able to handle the work/environment, they just make them repeat K. We are not willing to set our child up to fail because repeating would be a huge deal for him and would make it hard for him to succeed in the future (with his personality and sense of self-worth), whereas if we work with him for another year and let him go to a Pre-K program we feel he will be ready not only academically, but emotionally, and socially.

He has scattered development though, some things are average or above average, others are on the low end of the spectrum and he needs the individual attention and more time to even out before going to K (in our opinion). Even with the low student to teacher ratio at our school we feel he wouldn't get the individualized instruction tailored to what he needs and they would just label him and make him repeat.

Our other adopted son, though, he seems to be right on track and we have no reservations about sending him to K when he is scheduled to go, as of now that is.

[HappyHopefulMommy]

We were placed with a sib setof 3 this past July. One girl had turned 5 in April. Every one said that she was not ready for Kindergarten. We felt she would do fine and I did not want to start her at almost 6 1/2. So we started her. She struggled a little the first month, but is now doing great. We were placed 2 weeks before school started and I had to make a decision and knew very little about her past. Luckily it is working out. On the other hand her brother was 6 and was suppose to be retained for 1st grade. So, we did that. After a month the teacher told us he was bored and testing out of 1st grade, so we moved him up to 2nd grade. I totally regret that decision and feel like we are pushing him too much, especially with all the changes going on in his life. He will do OK, but 1st grade would have been easier and a lot less stressful. And their younger sister is 4. Her birthday is in October (we are in CA too). So, she could start Kindergarten in the Fall. I think she would do OK academically, but not socially. And after feeling like we have pushed her brother, I am definitely keeping her another year. I think it is a hard decision and depends on the child. You are her mother, go with your gut.

[shy_bear]

My middle daughter is now in 2nd grade and struggles; I so wish I had gone with MY instincts and not put her in Kindergarten. BUT my husband, the preschool, and her ped said she was ready to go. She was officially diagnosed with ADHD in kindergarten and not only had a hard time learning, but socially it was horrible.
My son is only 18 mths old; he is delayed and his bday is very late in the summer. I already know he will not be going when he turns 5.
Go with your gut!! It is much easier to wait now than hold a child back once they are in school.

[chevyjewel]

Don't they do kindergarten screening in your area?

Here, once a child hits the age of 4/5 the schools have the child come in and in essense check out all they know. Gross and fine motor skills are tested, where they're at socially, what they know academically (ABC, 123's etc).

From there the evaluators let you know if the child will likely do just fine starting K that year or if there are some things that could be worked on before that's considered.

I believe all kiddos have to have and pass the screening to join a mainstream K class.

I'd check if your area has something similar. They'll have a pretty good idea of if your child will be ready, what will be expected once they start as well as where other kids are at in comparison and you can make a more informed decision based on all that.

[LollipopsAndGumdrops]

Competitive and heavy homework at five? Ugh! We don't do formal school until 7 here. A 5 yr old's job is to learn through play. Is this an all-day program? With no rest time/nap? I can't imagine the emotional stress that must place on the average child, much less one with depleted emotional stores.

It is far easier today to be the head of the class and to be in gifted and talented education than it is to be academically ok but socially behind and trying to keep up. If you have any concerns, I wouldn't hesitate a minute to keep a 5 yr old home another year.

Incorporate nature studies, art and music, a foreign language, handwork like knitting, and imaginitive play. It will help the child develop her self-esteem, sense of place and self, emotional reserve, wonder for learning, and to prepare for the book work that comes with math, writing, etc. You'll find that she'll be educationally and developmentally prepared, will not be stressed or bored from working on the same skills for 2 years in a row, and will make a much smoother transition next year.

[ranoutofnames]

I'm so glad this posting came up. We are struggling with this same type of issue. My A2 will turn 5yrs old 10 days before the state cut off. She will likely be the youngest in her class... along with being the smallest (she only weighs 25lbs and wears 2T clothing). The other day some boys her own age were calling her a baby because she's so small... it really hurt her feelings. She's just now starting to recognize and realize that she's little. We're told it's not dwarfism just biologically petite.

I had her screened for preschool when she was 2weeks into being 3yrs old and they said she scored older than her age, I was floored because I thought she was behind. I DID force the issue to get her speech therapy which she got last year and this year.

Our school just started full day kindergarten last year. The first grade teachers are currently reporting the children that came into 1st grade this year are much further along academically than when there was just 1/2 day kindergarten.

I think we'll likely send her to kindergarten this coming fall and if the teacher at the end recommends she repeat kindergarten then that's what we'll do and she'll then be one of the older and smartest the second time around.

[DPline]

Another thing to consider that I didn't see mentioned is junior high and high school down the road. I held my son back not only because I wasn't totally convinced he was ready for kindergarten then (Sept. birthday with a Dec. 1 cutoff) but also because down the road I prefered him being one of the older - and hopefully more mature - kids entering junior high and high school. Not one of the youngest.

DS is now in the fourth grade and I haven't regretted my decision once. He has a confidence and maturity that I am very sure he would not have if I had sent him at age 5. And I hope it will serve him well in his teenage years when peer pressure becomes a bigger issue.

Good luck with your decision!

[JGarrick]

I just read a book that had a chapter that discussed this in relation to professional athletes. It turns out that in many sports, people that make it to the pro ranks are disproportionately represented by those who were born in the two or three months after the cutoff dates for entering youth programs as kids. That makes them nearly a year older when they start, and they tend to excel because of the extra maturity. Siince they excel, they're also more likely to make All Star teams, or to be drafted by top coaches, etc., so they get better coaching and training, and advance faster than their peers. This advantage continues throughout their youth, with advantage leading to success leading to still more advantage and still greater success.

There's absolutely no reason to think that this wouldn't also apply in school. Nearly a year older, she'll do better in school, and will likely be treated a bit better by her teachers because of her stronger academic skills and greater emotional maturity.