[diamondlil]

Wondering if anyone can give some input. What is the process and the real benefit to going this route. Where can I find out if my state does this? MD?

[mommytoEli]

i don't know much, but i do know this. with our first set of kids, we petitioned for this as they had lived with us longer than they had ever lived with anyone else in the last 5 years and we were adopting. we filled out a one sided sheet of paper, that was it. the benefits were good and bad. first off, the good, family appealed the tpr, and apparently for the tpr they collect EVERY piece of evidence, every rap sheet on a parent, every set of minutes from every meeting that has ever happend, so much information goes into this huge book for hte appeal....and since we were defacto parents, we got a copy. we would not have gotten this otherwise. there was SO much information about the children we did not know before, and would not have known afterwards. they were older when we adopted, so they often ask us to tell them their "whole" story....it is in this book. we have told them that some things they are still too young to digest, but when they turn 18, the book belongs to them. i really think it will help them piece some of their life back together. the bad, for some reason, once we became defacto, they stopped protecting our address and names. before we were "confidential caretakers at confidential address" in every report and cover sheet. all of a sudden we became dick and jane smith at 123 sesame pl our city, state, zip and phone. violent parent now had our address, and threatened to take the kids. we had to move from our dream house. so ...if you do go defacto, make sure you will still be confidential, if you need that.

i know it is hit and miss, some families become defactos and it doesn't really benefit them any. some, like us, get access to many things we would not have been privy to before.

it is worth asking your worker about. now, all areas, counties, and even judges differ in opinions. we REALLY wanted to be defacto on our #3, the case worker STRONGLY reccommended we not, bc our particular judge looked down on it for some reason, and he didn't want it to hurt our case. we backed off, didn't really need it anyway, there was no appeal, so we would not have gotten the info like we did on the others anyway. #5, if mom's appeal was just granted, i'll be filing asap even if my worker says i shouldn't. i'd really like to know what is going on....bc i have no clue.

[fostapeepz]

From what I've found, it looks like eighteen states recognize de facto parents. They are Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Indiana, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, New Mexico, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Utah, West Virginia, Washington, and Wisconsin.

[shainamsu]

what is a defacto parent?

[Withay]

"de facto" or "psychological" parent status on the basis of a relationship between the adult and child

Source: Paragraph 3

De Facto Parenthood