[thelowlanders]

So I was thinking.... If FD's mother wants to say things that are unacceptable at visits and screw her up to the point of starting to urinate herself again, leave "puddles" randomly, blow her security out the window, and completely close in, then the least she can do is help w/the mess. Maybe I can save all the rank clothing and bedding, and toys, etc. and bring the whole funky bag to her on visit days. Acknowledge what she's doing at visits and what she's creating for FD's home life, that she does not want to stop harassing her daughter, and she can help clean up the mess she's making, Mommy....

It's just been a long day. And it's so unfortunate that after 7months, we're back to this behavior due to less supervised visits from lack of staff at this time.

[jphollen]

urg...sounds like it was a really long "yucky" day. I am so sorry. I hope it gets better soon. Body fluids are never fun! A few weeks ago before fs Mr. Symptoms had a visit he wrote his name on the wall in snot (think he actually had some kinda sinus thing going on LOL). I really wish I was making that up. ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

[thelowlanders]

ewww...

At least it wasn't poo right? hehe

[jphollen]

YEP! That was former fd. She was our painter! She just used her initials though. Again I wish I was kidding! I am pretty sure fs wanted attention and to shock me little did he know snot was not the worse thing I have had on my walls!

[thelowlanders]

Good job! You've mastered the art of no emotional response right?

[Withay]

Let the cw know what is happening. Document, document, document. Email the cw about fd behavior after EVERY visit. This way you have it in writing that it was reported.

[Yash]

Originally Posted by Withay

Let the cw know what is happening. Document, document, document. Email the cw about fd behavior after EVERY visit. This way you have it in writing that it was reported.

I would also send an email to the child's attorney also.

[thelowlanders]

Thank you for the reminders. I've sent one to CW not that she'd care. But I will send one to attorney too.

Ugh, today I thought I was doing good. Lined up my 3 urinators, had my mp3 player on, plastic gloves on, and assembly lined the clean up of urine. When I got to Fd, I stripped the bed, then stripped the funky clothes, then removed the diaper w/ no response. Washed her up. Got her out of tub. Literally turned around to grab pants and lo and behold ****PUDDLE**** Aaaaaah! She stood there with a "Beat that!" face. Seriously!?!?!? The toilet is 1 ft away from her. But if we go anywhere where she's in a class, she's sure to get the teacher off to herself w/ "I need to go potty please" every 10 minutes. I know I'm venting. I know it doesn't do any good. But sometimes, I just don't know how to function as a family if all this junk is always going on. It doesn't take much right now. Just a firm "No Fd, we're not going to buy food every time we go to town. You just ate at home" **Bam** There's the face of ready to puddle. We really need the stuff at visits to stop. Really, really need it.

[MPJJJ]

Could you put her in pull-ups for the time being? You could tell her something like "as long as you are having accidents in your pants, you have to wear pull-ups to keep your clothes dry. When you are ready to use the potty, you can wear big girl panties again." At least it might save some of your sanity.

[meshsgrl]

I have a 3 yr old who does some but very little "puddling". I do what the PP said, I put a diaper on her and tell her since she can't go to potty like a big girl she has to wear a diaper like her baby brother!
My 4 yr old went through a stage where he did the same thing, but always in public places! SO I started making it HIS problem.... I guess since you felt the need to pee in your pants instead of going to the bathroom, you won't need me to rush home and get you clean dry clothes. Also since wet pee grosses me out, I won't touch your clothes etc... you change clothes and put the clothes in the washer, clean up your carseat etc.... that put a stop to it pretty fast!!!

[thelowlanders]

She wears pullups again now after being potty trained for months. She either pulls them over in pants and pees on your furniture, or pulls pants down and goes for it. The backwards pajama thing would work except she pulls the diaper over to the side.

As for cleaning it up herself....She doesn't care. She sticks her chin up, and some how (while being shorter than me of course) looks down her nose at me and gives me the same glare her "mom" does.

My husband is just really disheartened. We saw this little girl blossoming into a happy child. Then visit supervision slacked, and now we're back to square one and worse. It's really upsetting and feels like no one at DHS is listening. I'll just have to try and be patient. And hope they're actually doing something about the visit behavior going on.

[kxl164]

For the time being I'd layer her up: underwear, pull-up/diaper, plastic pants, shirt tucked in, and jeans that are NOT loose (not tight, but ones that just fit). Make it hard for her to be able to pull aside her clothes to pee everywhere, and when you see "the look" hang out in the bathroom.

Yeah, it is not fun for family life and it is not getting at the root of the problem, but honestly, with all of the documenting we did and all the converstations, until visits ended we just planned for the behaviors and if I were you I'd get more aggressive and not allowing her ability to pull aside her clothes for the time being.

It is always worse when things get worse after they had gotten better. I just went through that myself this week, and it is just so sad that the kids are the ones dealing with these feelings that they don't know how else to get out, and then we have to deal with the behaviors and aftermath because of how long the whole process is.

Hang in there, and again, I stress: layer her up, and make it hard for her to be able to pull aside her clothes, at least it will slow her down and you can get her to the bathroom or stop her from aiming the pee on your furninture/floors a bit.

Good Luck with both the puddling and getting through to DHS!

[thelowlanders]

The layering kinda helped. I feel bad, but I put the pull up on, the plastic pants, the backward zip up pj's (for the 1st time during the day), and then her clothes. It seemed to work. But with this girl, where there's a will, there's a way. And she has a mighty will But I will try more fitted jeans. For some reason hadn't thought of that. Thank you.

Visit is tomorrow. Hopefully we'll see some change in supervision.

[aryn]

Hi! I am pretty new here and just starting the process, but I wanted to ask (since i may have missed the initial posts) why is she going potty on the floor? Is it because of confusion with the visitations? Is that how she would get attention from her bmom?
My heart goes out to you. I hope you are able to nip it soon. Meshsgrl has a great technique of making them clean it up themselves. I rememver watching an episode of Dr. Phil a while ago re: potty training and he swore on this method as the 24 potty training cure.
He went to some celebs house and did it with their son and they all said it worked.
Personally, I've tried it and it was hard to make them understand that it was something wrong that they were doing. So I quit, it wasnt worth the look on their face, they were just confused by it.

Hang in there.

Alina

[thelowlanders]

Alina- From what I've been taught so far, they puddle when they feel like their life is out of control. They say the 2 main things they can control are bodily functions, and food. So our FD has decided on Bodily functions. Once we had built her sense of security up, she had been doing fine. But in the last month, visits have been less supervised. Her B-mom has blown her security out of the water with inappropriate things being said at visits about our family, and "their" future plans. So we are reaping the behaviors of her insecurities. We are really just trying to remind her of the correct ways to show your emotions. etc. But ugh....the process can be a bit frustrating when we go back to square one.