[sgtfirstwife]

We have two fc. One we have had since birth, almost a year ago. The other, an older sibling, we have had for a couple of months, but he has been in fc for over a year. We love them with all our hearts.
The birth parents have visits three times a week for a couple of hours. The mother is severely mentally ill and out of touch with reality. She usually sleeps during the visits. Father does okay as long as the children are good, but he is in a very controled enviroment, where the kids can't really get in trouble.
We have always known that ru was what the goal was, but were told it would more that likely go to adoption, due to moms health, as well as dad who is has sevearal health and social issues. We were told by the supevisor for there case to "hang in there" and hopefully adoption will come.
Now the visits are in a supervised settting with our social worker. Next week they will start in the parents home being supervised by a mental health counsleor. Who by the way is very much in favor of the kids being ru. My question is what does it mean when the visits are being held in the home. Does it mean they are trying to transition them home? I have had fc who have had unmonitored visits, but never with a threapist there. Or, like my sw seems to think, does it mean they are just trying to prove that the parents can't handle it.....Please can someone tell me. Iam so devastated. My dh says keeps telling me not to give up hope...but this does not sound good for us. I am so ready to give up.....I am really worried about the damage that will be done to these children if they are ru with their parents. The emotional issues for my oldest fc were quite severe....How do I let go? I am so afraid. Sorry if Iam rambling...but I am trying so hard to hold on to hope

[Joei_in_NJ]

I am new to this - and have no response to your questions - but I wanted to send you a hug and tell you that you'll be in my thoughts

[LollipopsAndGumdrops]

I don't have any advice, but I want to offer my prayers. I hope you find the guidance you need!

[EandDmom]

I am no expert but I bet they have to prove they can't do it to tpr them. Hang in there

[jphollen]

Here it's not uncommon to change the site of visits to parents home. Sometimes they do this to monitor how parents and kids react together in a home sitting rather than the sterile visit room. They could be doing it for a lot of reasons, hopefully your sw is being honest with you. It sounds like the bparents have a lot of issues to overcome. I hope things work out for everyone. Hang in there.

Jen

[Biblemom]

They had talked about increasing visits with my fc parents including some outings. I asked why since parent had not been working caseplans. What the SW basically said was that they were 'giving them enough rope to hang themselves with". Though I don't like that wording, it is what I was told. It was a make it or break it type thing. The SW have to show they have tried everything so that if it comes to TPR/adoption the bios don't have grounds to appeal at a later time.

[CaddoRose]

It can be that they are moving it to the home with so that they can see how the family interacts in that setting. It's completely different there. The parents are in a more responsible situation with the therapist just watching. It's a sink or swim scenario. I wonder if the mental health counselor has ever seen the parents with the children or why they would be so bent on RU knowing the mental health problems.

[jeni-b]

Our kids have a similar set up. They have at home visits, who are now supervised by a sw who is meant to help aide them with their parenting skills. The reasoning is to see if they are able to gain the skills with the kids in the home. That sw will make a determination for RU or a possible extension (PC isn't being tossed around yet). In our case it is very much both. They are tossing the ball in the air to see which side it lands on so to speak.

[sgtfirstwife]

Thanks to all for the words of hope. I am trying to hang in there. I really only want what is best for my little ones. If I thought for a second that the parents were capable to be parents, though heartbroken I would feel okay with this.
I just hope this proves once and for all that they are safer with us. I feel for the mother. She should never have had one child, much less two.
I will let you know what happens.
This board is such a big help for me.
Thank you

[Bamamom07]

It's just one of the steps the SW has to go through, they have to be able to demonstrate to a judge that they did make a good faith effort to help the parents to parent. They have to document the visits and what happened, and how they bent over backwards to keep the kids with the parents to prove it to a judge. Remember, it's the parents' right to parent unless PROVEN unfit; not the kids' right to worthy parents-there is no such thing. Hang in there and don't give up- sounds like these kids really need you.

[Hadley2]

My concern is that the parents' mental health counselor is superivsing visits. The parents' MH counselor is an advocate for the parents only. This person has no duty to the child and is not an officer of the court, either--that is, does not answer to the court or have any duty to the court beyond testimony. Additionally, this person has a personal/professional agenda to see the parents declared well enough to pursue a normal life with children in the home. This is fox guarding the chicken house. They may as well have the parents' attorney "monitor" the visits. I do not think any of that is OK for an assessment to be made in the child's best interest. While it is not our place as fps, I would try to get my sw to talk to the GAL or cw about having the cw or someone working for DSS who has equal professional weight to the MH counselor also monitor at least some of the visits.

[unclederwood]

We had a similiar situation with my AD and AS. BioMom had mental health issues after being in a coma from a car accident. They had her therapist and a parent coach observe visits, so that they could document she was not able to care for the children. Like many other posters have said, CPS has to be able to prove they have given Bios all the support they can. They do not want Bios to be able to appeal TPR for this reason. I would NOT give up hope at this point!

[angleheart]

I take what case workers tell me with agrain of salt. That being said they could very well be trying to "set the parents up to fail" so to speak. If you want info go to every hearing you can. You can drive yourself nuts trying to predict the future and you just can't know until it happens, there are 10 different ways this could go.

Isn't this the hardest thing you have ever done? Just think how hard it is foar that older brother or sister being moved around. I try to think that it is not as hard for me as it is for the kids and thats why I do it again and again. I hope things go your way, God Bless.

[athikers]

Our daughter had visits in her parents home every week right up until TPR was granted, so try not to sweat it. Either it will help the parents relax and improve their parenting (monitored visits are very difficult - I had them with my son during transition, I knew I wasn't really "under scrutiny" and I was still very on guard) or it will show they can't parent in a less structured setting.

Either way is a win, right? Not for you, but for the kiddos.