[MamaS]

Congratulations -- I am so glad things worked out for you and for the other FPs. An almost-tweenage boy and an infant will keep your life VERY full and busy!

[fredalina]

i'm so glad this is going to work out well for all the kids.

Thanks for explaining your previous comments, too. It's hard sometimes to read between the lines .

[waited2long]

Congrats on your boys!!! And kudos to you for wanting to maintain contact with their sister!!

[sethsmommy]

No one wanted to come across scolding...really...it is just we are on the other side and want to give warning as well as congrats! The rollercoaster is just beginning but I hope and pray this transition is truly very smooth for you guys. I am sure you have wanted and waited for children for some time and there is nothing more rewarding than loving a child. Best wishes to your new family!

[BethanyB]

I actually believe that the three children should have stayed together. Siblings remaining together is something the state should try to do whenever possible. The family that has the three year old should not have gotten in IMO if she said no to the older boy. Here you could have kept them altogether in your home. What a shame.

I wish you the best of luck with the both boys.

[vernellinnj]

In a perfect world, all siblings entering fostercare would be placed in the same home. Oh yeah, if it was a perfect world we wouldn't need fostercare!

I'm all for siblings being together but not at the expense of moving a well attached child.

Best of luck to the kids and the OP.

[carlychan]

I think CPS did the right thing. G's FP's can't be expected to take every other baby that biomom has and G can't be expected to change homes every year when that happens. I think this is the best outcome for ALL the kids...unless G's FP's took all the kids when the new baby was born. It is not their fault that CPS places the sibs seperately to begin with. I hope my thoughts are coming across here. I have strong opinions on siblings because my FS has a little sister. These are tough situations.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by vernellinnj

In a perfect world, all siblings entering fostercare would be placed in the same home. Oh yeah, if it was a perfect world we wouldn't need fostercare!

I'm all for siblings being together but not at the expense of moving a well attached child.

Best of luck to the kids and the OP.

I agree. It's not always possible to place kids together when they come in to care. All of my single placements had siblings in other homes. With most, they immediately began a search for a home that could take all the siblings.


With "Erica", "Faith" and "Heather", they were able to move the kids to a home with their siblings shorting after entering foster care.

With "Cara" & "Darlene", there was no home to take all four children. All four had some behavioral issues which made parenting them very difficut. It was unrealistic to expect the children to remain together.

With "Georgia", she was doing great in my home. Her brothers (who had some issues) were doing great in their foster home. CPS was worried that adding "Georgia" to her brother's foster home would increase any issues they were having or create new issues.

So..there are many reasons why children are separated. If their case goes to adoption, they SHOULD have the option of remaining in their home where they are secure rather than being moved to a new home with siblings which may not even work out
.

[fredalina]

Honestly, both "sides" have merit. Side 1 being keep the siblings together, and Side 2 being don't move well-attached children. i see both sides, and frankly i don't believe there's a one-size-fits-all solution. Some children have very little bonding with their sibs yet very strong bonding with their foster parents, or they have SA issues in which having an opposite (or same) sex sibling in the home could be detrimental. Some kids can really benefit from the sense of identity that having siblings who've gone through the same things as they have can provide. Sometimes bonding with a relative can go a long way toward preventing or fixing attachment issues a child may have.

The one i have strong opinions about is when a child is TPR'd, attached to foster parents, no relatives stepped forward at the time of placement or beyond until TPR is close or happens, and suddenly a distant relative the child has never met and has no relationship steps forward and wants to adopt or take guardianship of. i'm all for people who have a relationship with the child (grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc) or people who knew the child's relatives when they were little and can tell stories like "You look just like your daddy when he was your age, and he was good at basketball, too" to help the child belong. BUT a step-great-aunt who lives 3,000 miles away that the child has never met is not likely to provide those intangibles anyway, and the child would IMO be better off with the bonded fps 99% of the time.

This case could have gone either way depending on the individual children and foster parents, and all the other issues, IMO. We just don't know enough to say for sure.

[BethanyB]

I understand this is not a perfect world and sometimes it just does not work where there is a placement where all kids CAN be kept together. However in THIS situation, the OP WAS willing to take all three. That IMO is the ideal situation. Why was this woman not willing to take all three in the beginning? Maybe she could only handle one. I am surprised that the state could not find someone to take two children.

In the second place, even if they kids could not be placed together in a foster home, that home should have been told that the child would only be temporary (as they want to place with sibling if possible.)

In the third place, the state offered the OP the sibling group of three. How did it come to be that the child would stay?

Foster parents know that you can become attached to kids and then lose them. The goal of fostering is reunification if possible. Many kids have spent years with bio families and then are moved to foster families and then sometimes moved back to bio families. Although I believe moving kids should be done as little as possible, here was a family willing to provide a home for all of the siblings. That is a wonderful thing and as close to being a perfect world for those siblings.

These are never easy decisions but the state needs to be upfront with people when placing and really try to keep sibs together as soon as possible.

Can you imagine losing your parents AND your brothers and sisters? So sad.

[vernellinnj]

quote by fredalina

i see both sides, and frankly i don't believe there's a one-size-fits-all solution.

That says it all.