[kydz_7]

Our baby sibling to our 2 foster daughters was born saturday
Our (FD's) girls are 19 month old - medically fragile & special needs due to being born at 24 weeks (1 lb.) crack cocaine exposed and sister is 2 yrs.old...are welcoming thier brother home on Monday - Here
I have been waiting for what seems to be forever. We made the decision to take placement back in Nov. ~ keeping our fingers crossed he would be healthy and fullterm. I have given every ounce of blood, sweat and tears to his sister, nursing her back from a very scary 1lb. ~she means the world to me....there are days I forget she did not come from my belly. Especially since bio-mom has never called or visted her since she was born. We are in the process of TPR (bio-mom contesting) so needless to say, court date after court date, jury trial soon & adoption on hold until tpr over. I am also told that should bio-mom lose at jury trial then new baby will be added to the TPR...thank God for that rule
I am having mixed feeling though about now with new baby, bio-mom will probably be advised by her atty to make contact (calls,ect). I still have such dislike for what damage she has done to my special needs daughter, she will have life long disabilities....I dont know what to say to her if/when she calls to check on baby....I know I have to "play" nice as I promised CW I would remain neutral with bio-mom. I have never spoke to this woman nor ever met her. Part of me hopes she just doesnt call ~ like with the girls and part of me wants her to knows who has been the mommy to girls and what they mean to me....but the bitterness still lingers in my heart about the whole sitation. I guess I will let God give me the words to say to her...or the peace ~ to make her stay away. Needless to say I am having a hard time going to sleep tonight...boy, I'll be paying for this restless night ~ tomarrow. I FEEL SOOO WONDERFULLY BLESSED BY OUR NEW BABY BOY~ only you fellow fosterparents know the feeling with new placement calls or new sibs...isn't it the best

[hermommy]

Congrats...

[CaddoRose]

My heart goes out to you. It is hard to remain neutral when you understand the problems that the children have are there because of the choices the parents made. My 3 yr old has many birth defects due to Mom's choices too. The only advice I can give is that if/when you do talk to her, let the conversation be about the gains the child is making. Keep the conversation focused on only the kids and do not discuss anything else.

Since she seems to have no interest in knowing anything about her other two children, I doubt she would change all of the sudden and start calling. Does your CW set up the time she can call or what? I wouldn't want her to just have the ability to call whenever and disrupt the routine. The call should be set up just like a visit. She either makes it or not. Just another way of showing that she is capable(or not) of providing for her children.

I think the love you have for these children will come thorough if/when you talk to her. Just keep that in your mind and don't let her or her attitudes deflect you from the important things. Whenever I speak to my fosterkids parents, I keep a smile on my face and talk only about the good stuff.

[Boulderbabe]

Wow. What a situation. I can totally understand why you're furious. I would be, too. And I was, with my son's bparents. Their behavior has done such damage to our kids!

Here are a couple of things I've come to about dealing with my fkids' bparents. Maybe they'll be of help to you, too. First of all, you don't have to be nice. You don't have to be warm, friendly, encouraging or supportive. What you do have to be is polite. That's it: you have to be professional, polite, and respectful, and no more. So please don't feel like you have to coo and ooh and awww with your daughters' bmom, or act like she's mother of the year. You don't. You just have to be minimally polite.

Beyond that, though, it helps to work through your anger for yourself. It's not good to be angry, and it can really poison your relationship with your kids if you're furious at their bparents. (Take it from somebody who has learned by experience!) So maybe it will help you and them if you can find a place where you're not so angry. One thing that has helped me is realizing that my fkids' bparents are not bad, but SICK. My son's parents are mentally ill addicts. They were also really immature--his bmom was still a teenager. Addicts tend to stay frozen at the age they were when they started using. They don't grow or develop emotionally. So even though you're looking at somebody in their twenties, the addicts are so sick that emotionally they're often more like 12 or 14. If you look at them like that--as people frozen in early adolescence because of their illness---sometimes their behavior makes more sense and it's easier to find some compassion for them.

My guess is that this lady will never visit, and never call. Or maybe she'll come once or twice because her lawyer is prodding her. But she's not going to be able to beat TPR. So all you have to do is slog through this last little difficult part, and it will be over.

Congratulations on your new baby. I'm so glad that the sibs can be raised together!!

[mommytoEli]

i pm'd you.