[thelowlanders]

So how do we do this that will be least amount of stress?

I originally was given 3 girls to foster. 2 sisters. 1 cousin. My best friend ended up fostering the sisters. They've done well. But, she got the call today, to pack them up. That new family would pick them up tonight Anyway, we put our foot down and made sure they had a get together with friends and foster family.

They go tomorrow. How can she make the transition as smooth as possible? This is her first time. I'll probably be going with her tomorrow. I mean....What do you say? How do you go about it? We're kinda lost and wanting to make sure we do it right.

[shavon]

Why are they moving them? are they moving your little one also?

[Withay]

There has to be a strong reason to suddenly move foster children from one foster home to another one. DHS in your area doesn't just up and move kids for no reason.

If you were the one to put your foot down about them being moved, you shouldn't have. It should be the foster mom who does that. You won't want to hear this but you need to stay out of it.

I realize that you said it is your best friend, but stepping in like it sounds happened isn't going to do your friend, or you any good.

Are the girls moving to a relative placement? Had your friend asked earlier for them to be moved? There may be a lot (and I would say there most likely is) about the case that you are not aware of.

I understand that you want to help her. You can best do this by comforting her after the kids are moved.

[Boulderbabe]

I will say that if the move is not for an immediate safety reason, forcing kids to move on less than 24 hours notice is just total disrespect for them as persons. Who knows what is going on in this case......but if the move isn't for a very urgent reason, the way it's being handled is traumatic and awful for the kids.

[greenrobin]

There are other reasons besides safety issues that cause kids to be moved rapidly.

We had 4 kids moved in 24 hours once. The judge was peeved that CPS hadn't done the homestudy on the relatives as ordered to 5 weeks earlier. The cw and the GAL went to the homes that afternoon and approved them. The kids went the next day.

It was pretty traumatic for all of us.

The kids have since returned to mom and are doing very well, though. I just wish it could have been more gently handled.

And, I agree with pp--you aren't involved with those kids. Even if you do know stuff, you aren't supposed to--even though the kids are related. Step back a little.

[thelowlanders]

Well, they had a great party. It was good closure for the girls and my friends boys. There are more to consider in these situations than just the foster children and birth parents. Her boys need closure too, not just up and out in 2hrs.

The children were moved to an adopt/foster home. They haven't moved our little one. But, apparantly, anything can happen over night.

"We" was the wrong choice of words. She did after considering alot of aspects. Including my experience of being ripped out of homes quickly in the first few years of my life, and the lasting effects of no closure. But I also mentioned the terrible weather and what sense it made to have them take the girls home after the party. Anyway, the choice was of course the CW's and hers.

She had asked to have them moved as soon as they knew if they were going to be adopted or not. The sudden movement of the girls was probably due to the camping like situation while they are remodeling for a couple of weeks. It was not a "certified" home. Yet, she was surprised how they wouldn't bat an eye if they were on a "camping" trip for 2 weeks in same environment.

Anyway, my actual question for her and for myself in future was how to go about this? I had hoped to hear from you all how to break the news to them. How do I tell our 3 yr old she won't see her cousins for a long time (or ever)? How do you go about introducing your F child to their new family? Just wanted to hear some phrases you've used. But, we got it figured out for all the girls. And our FD is doing fine.

[greenrobin]

You know, if the kids lived together before, you can always ask for "sibling" visits with the new family. There's no reason that the kids have to end their relationship with each other. When our first fd was separated from her sibs, they arranged the visits.