[forever14230]

I have primary custody of my 2 boys and my ex has standard visitation. Does anyone know if I stand a chance of losing custody if I either have more bio kids or take in a foster child? I would think I would be ok as long as I prove I can provide for the kids, but it's a crazy system and I'm a little scared. Thanks in advance.

[EandDmom]

I can't believe it would as long as you are deemed a fit parent which if the state has already investigated you to be a foster parent I would think that wouldn't be too hard to prove.

[hkolln]

You can't lose custody (at least in our state) unless they prove you unfit (physical, sexual abuse, neglect, etc...). Just because you have another child or become a foster parent has nothing at all to do with you being a fit parent. In fact, I would think if you can pass the foster care licensing then you are a fit parent!

[DianeS]

You're right, the system is nutty. And every judge's conception of "unfit" is so different, and then you even have the ones that don't follow that law but rather want to choose the "best" home rather than proving the current home unfit first.

I would definately be careful. I would be careful of the general ages and sex you are licenced for. I'd be careful of the known (or suspected) behaviors of the child you are being asked to take in. I'd be carful about what you choose to do if the child behaves in ways that could be considered disruptive to your current child.

But mostly I think I'd just be careful of your ex husband. He's the one who would have to bring the suit to have the custody arrangement changed.

Hang in there. Lots of parents with shared custody or visitation agreements foster other children, and I've never heard of a case where one lost custody because of fostering - with the single exception of a woman whose bio child was repeatedly molested by a foster child who she refused to have removed. But that's awfully far-fetched to think the average foster mother would permit.

[ca-bigsister]

Hi,
I personally would not do anything to put my custody at risk. Your children are very young and going through a divorce is very traumatizing for the kids. I would personally (this is just me so you asked for advice) focus on my own kids for a couple of years. You can revisit fostering in the future, but since my experience of fostering is that the foster kids seem to take over the house with all of their appointments, visits, tantrums, needs for therapy, attachment, etc.

I would really wait until your kids are older so that they don't have to deal with the extra stress that fostering brings. By then, you'll have a better idea of what your ex will handle and won't, so you can really be there for all of your kids.

Just my 2 cents.