[EAGLE6]

Our CW called us yesterday. My BIL got arrested this week, in conjunction w/ this case. (which made all the local news channels and some of the national websites) His bail is very, very high, and it looks like he'll be there until his trial.

Anyhow, she wants us to consider taking the baby to the jail once a week for an hour long visit. She wants us to consider doing this whether we or the maternal grandparents get him next week. My husband questioned this....and she said it's mandatory that they have him taken there to see bio dad. She said if we don't do it, then a CW has to, because he has to go no matter what.

She wants us to call her early next week after we think it over. Is this truly mandatory? I cannot imagine taking a 3 month old baby to a jail to visit dad. I thought there was no physical contact and such in jail, so what is dad going to do to bond w/ a 3 month old baby? Remember this is my husbands brother, so I'm not trying to be harsh. There is a whole other level of emotions we're dealing w/ this in regards to my BIL. I guess I just don't see where this is a healthy enviroment.

[amy_b]

Wow, I am really not sure what the laws are regarding this, but I for one would not think it appropriate to take a 3 month old baby to jail every week for a visit. Personally, I think it is ridiculous.

[EAGLE6]

That is what I thought too. We're in NY if that makes a difference.

[bethy724]

I would ask for the court order - if it is mandatory in your state a judge will sign an order.

In TX I was court ordered to take my (now adopted) 18 month old to jail to visit his bio dad AFTER he was CONVICTED of capital murder & sentenced to life in prison. I was beyond upset but did it once I saw the judges signature. (also my son was a witness to the crime but it didn't matter to anybody because he was a baby) The jail was holding him for the visit & was ready to ship him off to prison- I held it up by not taking the baby until I had the order. I'd also request a DNA test to prove this man is your fc father - maybe you'll luck out. My baby & bio dad had the DNA test & they matched. It's best to have the father proven if this case goes to TPR & adoption.

Good luck - jail is a disgusting, smelly place but you'll get thru it-I'd kindly ask for the court order & wouldn't take a baby until I got it. Ask your childs pedi about the effects of a jail visit - I got good info & support-my baby had nightmares after the visit. (so did I to tell you the truth)

[athikers]

Kids visits parents in jail all the time. I think it will likely be court ordered.

[chevyjewel]

Remember jail is different than prison. People sitting in jail haven't necessarily been convicted of anything therefor the rules are much more relaxed.

I personally wouldn't transport to visits like this but can see the reasons for them. If he isn't convicted and can continue working his case plan these visits will be important to keeping RU on track. If he is convicted and ends up being there for awhile at 3 month old baby won't remember them anyway so I think it'll be ok.

You're absolutely right, it's not the best environment but it's only once a week, for I'm sure a very short period of time. And on the bright side, she's probably much safer having visits there under lock, key and guard than she is in an office with just a supervisor there you know?

[DancinBear63]

When I was in residency, I did a rotation in correctional medicine at the local jail. Inmates at that facility were separated from their loved ones by a window. I'll never forget how sad and miserable the kids looked, not being able to touch their parents (and vice versa). It seemed totally counterproductive to me, but there probably was some benefit that I couldn't see.

Of course, you have to honor the wishes of the court, and parents' rights to access to their children.

By the way, pack hand sanitizer when you go.

[buttascotchbaby]

I am pretty sure your CW is telling the truth -unless your BIL has had TPR yet? If a parent has not had their TPR than they still have the right to visits (unless it has been deemed that it is harmful to the child, etc. and we all KNOW how CPS is with that! ). In my state the law is that a bio parent has the right to 6 hours a week of visits. No matter what. I have been told by CWs that means that even if a bio parent shows up at a visit high or drunk they still have a right to see their child. Crazy, huh? But that is all because R/U is still the #1 goal, not the best interest of the child, but reunification with biological parents.

My experience was, when my kids were supposed to go to the jail to have visits with their bio mom, that it rarely worked out so that everyone communicated effectively enough to organize it! Thank goodness! And they were much older and more aware of what was going on (4 & 9) and I thought it could have been so detrimental to them. At least your sweet baby is so young he most likely will not be aware of the fact he is in jail

Hang in there and good luck!

[Mystik]

For us, any of the number of times that *A's* bio's have been in jail they DID NOT get any visitations. The CW just told me the other day that bio dad is back in jail and he missed his visit because of it, but she said they DO NOT make up these visits while they're incarcerated. So long as they still have parental rights however, they have a right to their visits the moment they get out. We're in CA though...

[reesegayla]

Before my brothers were adopted, their mother went to jail in a state prison that was 8 hours away from our home and visits were STILL required! The Caseworker would take him once a month for a weekend and they would go out one day, visit for 2 hours then drive back the next. I was so ridiculous!!! But it had to be done! The ironic part is, it is the only time in teh 6 years that he was in foster care that she had regular visits with him.

[Boulderbabe]

Yes, it's mandatory, if there is court ordered visitation. When this happened to my son, I completely freaked out.

But I took him to the visit once, and I was really pleasantly surprised. Many jails now have really nice visit rooms, all stocked with toys. Inmates and kids aren't separated by any kind of walls or glass. It's basically a big family room. It wasn't traumatic or bothersome at all for my son.

Obviously, since your BIL poses a big safety risk for the baby, these visits will need to be EXTREMELY well supervised. If it were me, given the risk level, I would prefer that the CW do the supervising.

[jphollen]

Current fd had visits with bdad in jail. She sat with case worker behind the glass and "talked" (more like chewed on) to dad on the 2 way phone thing. Once he was in a facility were they had to do a visit via video monitor, while she was even younger. Thank god she wasn't older it may have been kinda traumatic.

[Bamamom07]

In my kids' case, they are not supposed to have any contact with dad in prison. It is a nonviolent offense, and his rights have not yet been terminated, although that is the plan. Never really thought about requiring kids to visit in jail before. I can see the reason for requiring it, but maybe it's because of a total lack on interest in parenting or visiting when he hasn't been in prison that led them to state the kids are to have no contact.

[EAGLE6]

Dads rights have not been TPR'd yet. Probably because it's still a newer case. It's only been 6 weeks since my nephew went into Foster Care.

The foster mom yesterday told me that the visiting rooms for the kids at the jail are really nice, and it's not bad at all. She said she's taken multiple placements there for visits. She told us that dad has actually been really good during his visits and never missed one until the other day. That was the same day he was arrested, and that is why he missed it. Her and her husband said they had no problems supervising dad, and that they still just don't see how he did what he's charged with. The foster dad said "I really think they just have their wire crossed and are misunderstanding what happened". I don't know if I can accept that fully, BUT.....it was nice to hear. I personally have never seen him be mean to the baby either, actually I had though he was doing very well w/ him......so all of this came as a shock when it happened. Though those injuries did not just happen on their own.

I need to call the CW again on Monday to discuss their expectations further w/ this, also it's Monday we'll find out where my nephew is going to be transferred too. (of course I'm hoping it's here )

[Gentin]

My fd soon to be adopted daughter had to visit her father while he was in the youth center. He was 17 years old and in for about 6 weeks and we had to bring her to visit him there. I was not very happy and didn't feel it was appropriate but I took her and she didn't even noticed the difference