[jphollen]

I am not sure how young they can do an OT eval for sensory issues but it maybe something to consider?? If so OT therapy could possibly make a difference.

DD has aspergers and sensory integration so bells are going off in my head but I could be WAY off...

[basimah]

I know that I am not speaking from experience at all but my case manager said that sometimes you are only meant to take a child so far and prepare them for another family. You may not have done all the good you intended or hoped for but be sure that you did some good and helped them heal even if just a bit and that you've set a foundation for them to build upon.

[potentialsinglemom]

Originally Posted by basimah

I know that I am not speaking from experience at all but my case manager said that sometimes you are only meant to take a child so far and prepare them for another family. You may not have done all the good you intended or hoped for but be sure that you did some good and helped them heal even if just a bit and that you've set a foundation for them to build upon.

Nice words....

[sergekel]

I am SOOOOOO sorry about your day at the speech therapist's office.

I have also gotten the "You asked for it" bit...when I asked a friend to fill out the personal referral paperwork for the homestudy. My friend was like, "Why would you want to do that to yourself???"

Now, I am seriously asking myself why. For the welfare of the children, of course...but I don't see how that scene at the office was good for anybody.

Just thinking out loud here, I guess. We have some mystery meeting with the placement worker and the caseworker of our disruption on Thurs. Now, I am questioning whether or not I really WANT another placement after our experience and reading stories such as this one here.

I think what gets to me most is the bio kids getting dragged through it all. I am 100% for helping kids...giving homes to those in need, and all of the reasons people go into foster. I am just questioning if it is in anyone's best interest to do this with bio kids in the home...so they can take the backseat to the new kids with the massive issues.

What does everyone think??

[EandDmom]

Originally Posted by chevyjewel

greenrobin - Then she threw herself on the floor and I thought for sure we'd be on our way to the ER for a head lac. I actually contemplated requesting a helmet for her because her favorite thing to do when she's mad (which is nearly all the time) is to whack her head forward or backward out of anger. To date we've avoided serious injury but it still terrifies me when she does it - which at the least is 20+ times a day.

This is so our 21 month old fs way of handling not getting his way also. He did cut his head open one day by throwing himself backward super hard onto a brick on our fireplace. He has so far almost broken my dh nose and jaw because he wouldn't let him get down and come to me. He has given me a bruised and almost broken cheek bone because he wanted down at a museum show. We know to hold our hand up to and prepare to catch his head when the tantrum starts. He is also a big bitter and now that we know the signs of that and stop him from biting he has turned to biting himself instead and not just a little bite either. They say he can't start therapy or anger management until he is 4. He can be so sweet and loving but when he is mad OMG look out.

[chevyjewel]

Originally Posted by sergekel

I think what gets to me most is the bio kids getting dragged through it all. I am 100% for helping kids...giving homes to those in need, and all of the reasons people go into foster. I am just questioning if it is in anyone's best interest to do this with bio kids in the home...so they can take the backseat to the new kids with the massive issues.

What does everyone think??

I personally think we're good at deciding when our family has hit that wall. We're good at deciding when things have crossed the line and when certain kiddos need to move on based on our particular circumstances.

I guess I don't see the trials and tribulations as something my biological kids are being "dragged through." I see them as character building experiences that have helped to teach them patience and empathy, as well as a profound appreciation for what they have when they see how little some other kids have. At their ages they are already wise beyond their years as far as awareness, and I don't see that as a negative. I don't believe they do either. They're very proud of what we do and how we are able to help.

[Boulderbabe]

Chevy,

I feel that way all the time. I think it's the very hardest part of being a foster parent, realizing that even your very, very best isn't going to fix these kids.

I hope you can live with the knowledge that you've given them six months of peace, six months of knowledge that life doesn't have to be an endless struggle. Maybe knowing that will help them down the road, even if it doesn't fix things right now.

I hope you feel better soon. This is just hard.

[Bamamom07]

I'm so sorry for you and your family. Sometimes it is just too much. Sometimes you have to let them go, knowing you did your very best and gave all you could. Still it hurts. Maybe for a long time. I wish I'd known about this website years ago when I was going through a couple of terribly rough years. It definitely helps. Sometimes it hurts so much that a period of antidepressants may be necessary. Not saying that is the case with you, so many people though suffer more than they have to and sometimes it is the right choice. People not being empathetic is also an added burden at this time. To me, it's like once you know about the problem of so many hurting children and far too few people helping, you just HAVE to do what you can. I've heard the same thing, and also the opposite-"you must be a saint" -- I hate that too. I pray alot, and just ask God to enable me to do the best that I can do for my kids, and if not my home, then to find the home where they are supposed to be. Then, let it go. When guilt creeps in, remind yourself of the positives, the love you gave to these kids, and know that in spite of what "the world" thinks, love is NOT enough for these kids.

[wantaskinbaby]

Originally Posted by basimah

I know that I am not speaking from experience at all but my case manager said that sometimes you are only meant to take a child so far and prepare them for another family. You may not have done all the good you intended or hoped for but be sure that you did some good and helped them heal even if just a bit and that you've set a foundation for them to build upon.

I love this explanation.

Chevyjewel,

I just have to tell you how impressed I am with what you HAVE done with these children.

From your earlier post, you indicated that when Diva first came to you, she would not make eye contact nor would she allow herself to relax while being held/fed. The fact that she now does both of those things with you is WONDERFUL!

And Rebel now actually allows you to hug him? That is awesome!

I cannot imagine how much your decision to have them placed in another home must hurt, but you really have done so much for them already and the next home that they are in may be able to have success with them BECAUSE of what you have done. Sending hugs your way.