[stevenstwin]

First off, Me and hubby and the girls are leaving for Disney World on Wednesday, and Austin's pretty hurt and upset that we aren't taking him. I pointed out that he's NOT living at home anymore, and back when I booked the tickets he was going through his hostile phase, with me being the enemy to the point that he told my boss I was "stalking" him. Now today he comes to me and his girlfriend just broke up with him. They've been together nearly a year and both have the same abused-child syndrome - clingy and needy and smothering with each other. This is throwing him into a HUGE tailspin and he begged me NOTto go on te trip - send the rest of the family and stay here with him. OMG - I obviously am not going to do that, but I feel really sad for him and I'm going to worry while I'm gone. And of course he's not "wired" to see how unreasonable his request is, it'll just be someone rejecting him again *sigh*

[chevyjewel]

Does he have other friends or members of your family that can check in on him while you're gone?

Poor guy

[karla-k]

If he paid his own way, would he be allowed to go? I don't know if this is possible for him...I can see how you feel totally torn though.

[jphollen]

Wow that's hard. I am sure it's a hard time for him and it's really tugging on your heart strings.

I guess what I would ask myself would be...Can I have a good time and not worry about him if he isn't with me? Not really a right or wrong answer, but if you feel like your going to be miserable worrying about him maybe it would be easier for you...?...

Hope it works out.

[Boulderbabe]

No really good answers for you, except that of course, I think you should go. I don't think staying home to nurse Austin's broken heart is going to be healthy or good for either one of you.

I hope you can enjoy yourself on vacation, even with Austin's troubles....

[waited2long]

I'm sorry he's putting you in such a spot. I remember some of your posts back when he was accusing you of stalking.

Please try to enjoy the trip, as you know, your girls and DH need you too.

Your son will have to settle for reassurance that you'll be home soon. ((hugs))

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by karla-k

If he paid his own way, would he be allowed to go? I don't know if this is possible for him...I can see how you feel totally torn though.

Well, we're all the way up in Alberta, so the flight alone would be $800, even assuming he could still get one...and then trying to get an additional room at disney and all the tickets.... Unfortunately, I think it's a moot point, since it would cost about $1500 and probably be too late to arrange anyway.

[melissa_bear003]

Sounds like natural consequences to me. He was being a butt head (just going by the OP, I wasn't around as a member when this happened) was hostile and hurtful etc when the trip was planned, so it was planned without him.

His behaviours, his choices, his consequences.

Go, and try your best not to allow his upset to detract from your holiday and enjoyment of your other kids. Friend of mine said to me recently that the mother is the emotional barometer of the family. The old, 'if Mama aint happy, aint NOBODY happy' is very true. If you spend your holiday worrying about Austin, it will take away from the experience for everyone, kwim?

Best of luck

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by melissa_bear003

Sounds like natural consequences to me. He was being a butt head (just going by the OP, I wasn't around as a member when this happened) was hostile and hurtful etc when the trip was planned, so it was planned without him.

His behaviours, his choices, his consequences.

Go, and try your best not to allow his upset to detract from your holiday and enjoyment of your other kids. Friend of mine said to me recently that the mother is the emotional barometer of the family. The old, 'if Mama aint happy, aint NOBODY happy' is very true. If you spend your holiday worrying about Austin, it will take away from the experience for everyone, kwim?

Best of luck

Yes, the not being able to go is natural consequences, but the timing is bad since I think this break up is going to hurt him beyond all proportion for a "normal" teen. He's only 17 and living on his own, and still seems lost and vulnerable sometimes, still. I could barely even get him to leave my classroom after class started yesterday, he was being so clingy!

[melissa_bear003]

Originally Posted by stevenstwin

Yes, the not being able to go is natural consequences, but the timing is bad since I think this break up is going to hurt him beyond all proportion for a "normal" teen. He's only 17 and living on his own, and still seems lost and vulnerable sometimes, still. I could barely even get him to leave my classroom after class started yesterday, he was being so clingy!

I understand. I'm not trying to be cold or anything, I get that he's in a place that is hard on him. I'm not saying that its a 'too bad, so sad, away ya go' situation, but at the same time, he has created the situation he's in, kwim? Timing is beyond anyone's control, but if he hadn't done what he did, he'd be going along, and be with you while mourning the loss of his relationship.

It sucks for him, and for you...but this situation really does stem from his behaviour and decisions. That he found it reasonable to want you to stay home from the trip concerns me.

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by melissa_bear003

That he found it reasonable to want you to stay home from the trip concerns me.

Concerns? It's just the way he is - very needy and clingy when hurting. Anyway, I let his aunt know. She lives a few hours away, but at least is reachable by phone and text, and hopefully will touch base with hiim several times to make sure he's doing okay. My fear- which is probably unfounded - is that he'll either hurt himself intentionally, or make some poor choices that will lead to him getting hurt. I know if he's survived everything else he's been through, he'll probably survive this too, but the loss of the first serious relationship is a very, very difficult thing for a child with a history of abuse and neglect and very bad rejection issues...and he is still so young :-(