[Mystik]

So I have a little boy suddenly as of this evening. He's 4 years old and will be here for the weekend as respite due to unfortunate circumstances and likely the situation will turn into him being a long term fost/adopt placement.

I have no experience with boys and no experience with 4 year olds, but would love to potentially be a long term fost/adopt placement for him and his CW agrees that we would be a good fit. So I was just curious if any of you could shed some light on what it's like caring for a 4 year old boy? Is there anything important advice worth mentioning? I could certainly use any help/advice/ suggestions....

Thanks!

[c.a]

Check out the thread "In Celebration of Boys"

I have a three year old son (adopted from foster care). Be prepared for lots of head buts, body slams and bear hugs.

Worms and dirt, frogs, bugs, muddy and gross stuff.

Four is a great age. What are his interests?

[Boulderbabe]

Four year old boys are the best! My son is five now, and the last two years have been so incredibly fun, I can't even tell you. If I could have a four year old boy that stayed four forever, I'd love it!

Little boys are a funny mix. On the one hand, most of them are incredibly energetic. My son runs around, jumps off things, climbs ANYTHING and sometimes has so much energy in him, he literally can't sit still. He just wiggles all over the place. So when Captain Energy is on the move, you just have to accept that. It's not bad, it's just being a little boy. If I need for him to be quiet and still somewhere---like if we're going out for dinner--I have to plan ahead and take him to the playground for an hour beforehand, because he has got to burn off that energy. 90% of his behavior problems are manageable if I make sure he has a lot of intense exercise, but if he gets cooped up, watch out! So I'd say, first things first---make sure you know about six different places to take him to burn off steam. Make sure one or two are indoors, like a playscape at the rec center or the swimming pool or a bounce house.

There is a certain amount of destruction that goes with having a little boy. It's not malicious, it's just a byproduct of all that energy. Things get tipped over, knocked down, and spilled. You just have to roll with it. Put anything valuable or important to you away. You can always bring it back out when he's, oh....30.

Little boys are also incredibly, incredibly loving. They groove on their moms. Mine will go from being Captain Energy to really wanting to cuddle with his mama in an instant. If you want some lovin', the best time is when they first wake up. :-) My little dude just learned to write, so now I'm getting all these little love notes. "Dear Momy I like you love you good mom." It totally makes my day!!

Other things to note:
----They all seem to want to watch these horrible violent cartoons, like Transformers. Say no. This is where they get good ideas about how to destroy things. Seriously, limit television, because it only causes more havoc in the end.

---Most of the little dudes I've had love to play with anything they can build with. Train tracks, Lego, K'nex, and so on. Toys that play all by themselves are lame, because there's not enough for a little boy to do. Good old fashioned building toys are the best investment in your peace and sanity. My mom bought my son a marble run game about two weeks ago. The first day he got it, we played with it for FIVE HOURS!!

----Farting. It's hilarious.

--Dirt. Expect it, and lots of it. I've never met a boy who could wear the same clothes two days in a row. Get out the laundry detergent, because you're gonna be washing! IMHO, a clean boy is somehow unnatural.

---For boys or girls, having small jobs and gaining a sense of accomplishment is key. My son has lots of little things he's already responsible for. He opens the mailbox and gets the mail every day. It's his job to open the door when we get home (my hands are usually full) and to lock the door behind us and put the keys on the hook. He makes our beds every morning and sets the table. I teach kids chores by starting with tiny jobs, and working up to make them more complex. You can start with really little things, like "Okay, it's your job to put the napkins on the table before dinner." The next week, it's "It's your job to put the napkins on, and put a fork on top of each one." The kids love to feel a sense of responsibility and accomplishment. My son's first job was to put the pillows on when I'd finished making beds. Now he loves to make my bed in a different fancy way each day, with stuffed animals tucked in and the pillows all stacked up and sometimes a note or a picture for me!

---Some other fun things to do together: Bake brownies or cookies. (Stirring things and making a mess, what could be more fun?). Garden or grow a windowsill plant. Ride bikes together. Go to the library and pick out books---we have a tradition of having ice cream afterwards, because I want the library to be a special place to him. Go to the swimming pool, it wears them out.

Have a wonderful time! You're about to have a great little buddy!

[ArvadaFamily]

Spot on BoulderBabe.........but your cracking me up again.........!

[AmyAnne]

Little boys bladders operate at 2 settings: "Empty" and "Potty Emergency".

Do not hold out your hand when he tells you to without determining precisely what he is giving you to hold (I wound up with many a slug in my hand by not heeding this one)

I agree on the violent cartoons. I'd stick to stuff like Spongebob and Jimmy Neutron and Arthur if you're watching cartoons.

[sergekel]

In addition to the great stuff already posted....one typical attribute of 4-year olds that I've noticed is their willingness and zeal to be Mommy's "helper."

You know...putting the laundry in the washer, washing dishes, virtually anything. Oh, gettting the mail!!!!!!!

Mine is a stripper...clothes, socks, shoes..off and on all day. He'd be happy naked if I let him. So, if you have a stripper, be prepared to re-dress him frequently.

This age is so great cause you can amuse him with virtually anything and the pretend-play is in full swing. You can hand them an empty oatmeal canister and that can be a spaceship, parking garage for matchbox cars, you name it.

Little things mean an awful lot to them, so don't even dream of throwing any of his "treasures" away. If you do want to throw stuff away, bury it DEEP down in the trash where it will never, ever be discovered. Like, you need to keep every paper he ever scribbled on, etc.... This stuff means the world to them!!!

Mine likes bedtime rituals,too. If I'm in a hurry or something and try to skip steps in the ritual, well, lets just say he straightens me out quickly.
Good luck!!

[MamaS]

Ditto to all of the above, PLUS:

Little boys like to tie things - preferably in knots. Shoe laces tied to trucks, your only pair of sunglasses tied to a helium mylar balloon, etc. Learn to untie knots. Hide the dog leash. Enjoy.

[sergekel]

[quote=MamaS] Hide the dog leash.[quote]

LOL!!!!!!! Oh, most definately, hide the dog leash. And any kind of ropes or string or yarn...because he will tie all the door knobs in your house together, make booby traps out of the entire place with the door knobs, chairs, beds, etc....

And they like tools....power tools, especially...and the hose.

[melissa_bear003]

Tazzie will be 4 in Feb...and he's a BLAST! Busy, inquisitive, just a joy. Did I mention BUSY?

He loves to be read to, and is working out what words mean to be able to read himself. He loves to help, give him a sponge and some vinegar and water in a spray bottle, and he'll clean anything. He even likes to vacuum!

He's rough and tumble, will climb anything. Running around, anything that makes noise, and he's right in the thick of it.

Calling, "Who wants a snuggie?" brings him running for a cuddle with mom.

I love this age.

[Withay]

According to my nephew, a little boys' job is to ask 'why?'.

You have received some wonderful and oh so true answers here.

[Mystik]

Oh my gosh! ALL morning it's definitely been "why?, but why? and why?" along with about a billion other questions. He simply does not stop talking and DH & I are already both completely exhausted just from trying to figure out answers to everything.

I also spent most of the night unable to sleep because I just keep going over and over whether or not I personally have what it takes to do this. I feel so incapable and the sheer explosion of energy that came bursting from him at 8am this morning was more intense than I was anticipating so early on.

My girls are still so little and I've bonded with them since they were newborns, but this little 4 year boy that I have zero bond with just came into our lives and I don't know if I'm ready for this age all at once like this. I feel like getting there slowly with the girls is one thing, but having it thrown on me is a whole other story and when he crashes a push toy into one of the girls I feel myself going on serious defense mode.

I really don't know if I can do this and have made no commitments yet as it's still considered respite care for the weekend, but I feel really awful because I already said I was interested in being a long term fost/adopt placement & the CW was thrilled to hear it.

This poor guy has been in care a year and has been through 4 homes due to no fault of his own and it breaks my heart. I don't want to be yet another let down for him and fear that if I do anything more than respite I likely will be.

Man this is rough

[Newshyde]

I was going to write some super insightful things since I've now had a 4yo boy for 2 months, but everybody has just about covered it. I could have written each one of those posts.

As for me specifically:
I answer about 100 questions a day, including answers he already knows, mostly because he wants me to give him the definition, like during lunch today (what is a tongue?) while sticking his out.

Busy, active, always wanting to crash something into something. His BD let him watch all those super hero movies and he started out really really aggressive with all toys. All of them had to fight. I really cut that down and he's doing a lot better. My neighbor actually gave him some GI Joes this weekend. A month ago those guys would have been clobbering each other. Instead yesterday they all went in an "airplane" together to go visit grandma (grandma was played by a humongous teenage mutant ninja turtle).

I'll admit he was a lot to handle and he doesn't really grasp the concept of gentle or using a quiet voice. They are definitely a different breed, but oh so much fun. Good luck and with you it could just be the adjustment from girl to boy. They play and pretend so much differently.

Heidi

[sergekel]

Oh-flashlights!!

[meshsgrl]

oh... I love this!!! I have a four yr old boy!!! I love love this age. You have to be prepared to deal with the energy and the questions. But honestly with mine, having him feel important by being my "helper" has helped sooo much with our bond and directing his energy into something useful!! My little guy loves nothing more then to help me cook!!!!

[Mom2blessings]

Originally Posted by Mystik

So I have a little boy suddenly as of this evening. He's 4 years old and will be here for the weekend as respite due to unfortunate circumstances and likely the situation will turn into him being a long term fost/adopt placement.

I have no experience with boys and no experience with 4 year olds, but would love to potentially be a long term fost/adopt placement for him and his CW agrees that we would be a good fit. So I was just curious if any of you could shed some light on what it's like caring for a 4 year old boy? Is there anything important advice worth mentioning? I could certainly use any help/advice/ suggestions....

Thanks!

The only care advice I have, is to see if he's circumcised! I realized that our son was not caring for himself properly because he had not been taught to pull the foreskin back and clean the tip.

Other than than, every boy is different! Some are loud and rambunctious...other's are quiet, and reserved. Most of the boys come with little ego's Love him lots, play with him when you can, and give discipline when necessary.

BTW, it may help you to hear the "definition" of a boy. Boy- noise with dirt on it.