[Pursuingmydream]

Okay so you all know I got these two lovely little girls.
girl angel is six months with the broken leg and requires alot of monitoring as she seems to forget she can not crawl until her leg starts to hurt.

and little boy blue is almost two and very fragile. He has to be able to see me at all times. if I am in the kitchen cooking he will stand there until I am done. Last night he fell asleep on my bed while watching tv so I put him to bed and I myself fell asleep somewhere around 4 am. I woke up this morning and he was in my bed with me and fast asleep.

Today is the first time I actually put him in the bathtub and he was terrified. He was scared of the water and he was shaking so bad I was afraid. I had to wash him because he got grits in his hair and all over his body.

Long story short I really feel unequipped to handle two kids that are this small. He is nothing like most two year olds that I have been around and cared for. He can not really speak other than to say "No" and two curse words.
When I started this journey I really only wanted one little girl and somewhere along the line I got desperate and just wanted a kid.

What would you guys do? Please keep in mind that this could be the exhaustion talking but I do feel like I took on one kid too many.

[hermommy]

Originally Posted by Pursuingmydream

Okay so you all know I got these two lovely little girls.
girl angel is six months with the broken leg and requires alot of monitoring as she seems to forget she can not crawl until her leg starts to hurt.

and little boy blue is almost two and very fragile. He has to be able to see me at all times. if I am in the kitchen cooking he will stand there until I am done. Last night he fell asleep on my bed while watching tv so I put him to bed and I myself fell asleep somewhere around 4 am. I woke up this morning and he was in my bed with me and fast asleep.

Today is the first time I actually put him in the bathtub and he was terrified. He was scared of the water and he was shaking so bad I was afraid. I had to wash him because he got grits in his hair and all over his body.

Long story short I really feel unequipped to handle two kids that are this small. He is nothing like most two year olds that I have been around and cared for. He can not really speak other than to say "No" and two curse words.
When I started this journey I really only wanted one little girl and somewhere along the line I got desperate and just wanted a kid.

What would you guys do? Please keep in mind that this could be the exhaustion talking but I do feel like I took on one kid too many.

New placements are always hard at first. Give it a little time and you will soon fall into a routine (sp?). He will learn to trust you and will make bath time a lot easier. Its ok to feel over whelmed. Most of us do lol. Good luck

[Boulderbabe]

Hang tight. The kids are probably in shock and grieving, since their entire world has been turned upside down. You're probably in shock for the same reason! Everything is total chaos, and you're all in turmoil. As time goes on, though, and things get normal, you will see that everything calms down. You get into a routine. The kids start to feel like they can trust you and they know what's going on. The social workers get off your back (for the most part).

I'd say, give it a good month. It will lighten up.

[sergekel]

I just wanted to lend a hug and a wish for some sleep for you!

When you have more than one child, there is NO way to spend all the individual time with each one that we feel each deserves. This is in the case of your home or any other.

With birth children...this happens as well. First child gets loads and toads of time, attention and stuff. Next kid comes along and Mom is on a MAJOR guilt trip because #2 doesn't get as much time, attentnion or stuff as #1 did....AND now you're feeling guilty more because #1 isn't getting as much time, attention or stuff as s/he used to before the baby came.

By child #3, you realize that this is the way of life...that children do ok on less time, attention and stuff. WE feel that they all need more, but they probably don't NEED as much as we want for them, individually.

What I'm saying is that there isn't any other mother out there who could do a better job than what you're doing. The fact that you are stressed over giving attention to each shows how much you care and that you are giving as much as you feasibly can.

It WILL get easier over time, as the baby heals and as the older child feels more secure.

If you don't have one, get a free or cheap playpen/pack-n-play to keep the little one in while you're busy. That will contain her in 1 place safely while you tend to other things. She might fuss over the containment but she'll be fine. It is better for her to be safe than for you to be sorry. As long as she can see you, she will know you are there for her.

Kids have a way of always making you feel that they are deprived no matter how much time, attention or stuff you give them. This includes when you only have 1 child. The give an inch/take a mile happens from the minute they're born...and they DO deserve all you can give them, especially the younger they are.

BUT...that said....you might have to say no more than you'd like in order to make room to take care of yourself. They need you to be mentally sane, so a little playpen time is better than a strung-out Mommy.

More hugs and hopes that you have a much better day and that the children are feeling more loved and safer than they ever have.

[Pursuingmydream]

Okay here I am again I only slept for about an hour not long after i got the baby to go to sleep and took a shower then the little guy appears from him bed. So I again shared my bed with him and spongebob. It took him two hours to go back to sleep.

I am really doubting my ability to care for both of these kids and keep my sanity.

gotta run the baby is awake again

[mrstkg1]

Sounds like the little boy might benefit from a crib or pack n play, perhaps the closed in space with make him feel safer. Also, it's okay to tell him to stay in his bed. If he feels like he can come and disturb you or your sleep anytime, he will. Hang in there, it is very hard for the first couple of weeks, but I guarantee it gets better.

[athikers]

I would put little boy blue in a crib.

Also, I think a pp said this... but most all of us whose first placement was more than one kiddo felt exactly how you're feeling.

Last year I had 3 kids under 2, 2 with extremely severe special needs I did not feel I was coping well for THREE MONTHS - hang in there.

[shavon]

Hang in there, you are doing a great job. You will adjust and the babies will too. They need you and it will get better I promise. My first placement was 2 little girls ages 5 mos and 2 years, they had no special needs and believe me I felt overwhelmed but after about a week or two things got so much better they have since moved to an adoptive home, it has been over a year and I still miss them...

In the other thread you said that tylenol really wasnt helping with the babies pain. Maybe call your pediatritian and see if you can alternate the tylenol and motrin. We have been advised to do that many times and it works..We usually give Motrin first then 3 hours later Tylenol. that spaces the motrin out over 6 hours but the Tylenol gives a little relieve between doses..But ask your doctor first to make sure it is okay..

((((HUGS)))) It will get better!!!!!

[Boulderbabe]

Pursuing,

I was thinking, and I bet that Little Boy Blue has never slept alone. It must be freaking him out a little bit. Could you let him sleep in a pack n' play in your room, and after a few days, start scooting that pack n'play out the door towards his room?

[forever14230]

I had many of the same feelings after I brought my second son home from the hospital. Do you have a friend or relative who could help you some for the next few days? The key to maintaining your sanity is to establish a routine with the kids. I would purchase a crib and a baby gate so you can put the kids in a safe place when you need to cook, shower, etc. Does the baby like a swing? Also, a video or two once in a while won't hurt the little boy. Sometimes after dinner I'll sit in a chair with both the boys and we'll all watch a video together. Hang in there, things will get better.

[Sam-N-Tony]

What you are experiencing is completely normal. Your life has been turned upside down, just like theirs. You are both trying to figure out what to do next. It takes at least a couple of weeks to a month to get into a routine and once your in the routine, it'll be so much smoother.

I agree with the pack n play or crib for little boy blue.

Don't forget to see if you can have someone stay with the kids, while you get some much needed sleep.

(((((HUGS)))))))

[bethy724]

You are complety NORMAL!!! I was more scared of my son than he was of me-it really takes a few weeks to even get ot know each other. Little boy may have never gone to sleep w/ out noise in the background - you may want to get a sound machine for him & tell him "listen for the birds (or water or whatever) & you know your here & safe" I'd get a pack & play & get yourself some sleep. I'd also apply for a respite weekend & give yourself a break (it takes over 2 weeks in my county - I wouldn't send them off in the 1st month) You'll have that break to look forward to. Good luck & YOUR COMPLETLY NORMAL - you just got more than most - God must know you can handle it!

[EandDmom]

Hang in there .. it will calm down just like everyone said. Start a routine now with them so they know what to expect that did wonders for our 3. I wake up daily with one to two kids in my bed. I don't even feel them anymore because they realized if they woke me they had to leave. It is a major rule no kids allowed to sleep with you ever. Pack and plays are wonderful although my little one has learned to climb out it still helps if we are watching a video. I put him in a high chair while I'm cooking as he likes to be with me too. You have got to get some sleep though or your not gonna make it. Do they have a casa? Maybe I'm spoiled with my kids since she is always begging to let me help with the kids. If you do maybe they could sit with them long enough to get a nap in. You are going to just have to do like a newborn forget the cleaning and just sleep when they sleep the hard part will be getting them to sleep at the same time. Even if you have to hire a neighborhood teenage girl to sit for a few hours so you can sleep.
Our 2 year old was the same as the one you have. Barely talked so you could understand him and afraid of everything he is so much better now. As for the baths try giving him one in the kitchen sink. They love that for some reason its not as scary and the sprayer really helps with the grits in the hair..lol we love grits too.
Good luck and let us know how your doing.

[mommytoEli]

being tired can make you think crazy things. do you have someone who can come over and watch them while you take a shower and a nap? hang in there! i bet it gets a little better soon.

[jeni-b]

I think we all probably felt that way with a multiple placement.
The jump from 1 to 4 was so overwhelming to me in the beginning. I was exhausted, my house was chaos, and it was all I could do to make it through each day.
It took 3 weeks to adjust and now at 2 months it feels easy with 2 kids with delays, 1 mega climber, and a baby who can now crawl up the stairs.
Don't expect too much from yourself in these early weeks. Give it a little time, call in some help so you can nap and shower in peace, then if after a couple weeks if you still feel it is too much don't be afraid to say so. Only you know what your limits are, and I think we are often too afraid to disrupt the kids lives anymore and do ourselves a disservice by just barely getting by. If it is too much, that is ok. There will be a placement that is right for you. But give it some time to be sure.