[yorkiegirl]

I read your post and could almost feel your stress.It's ok to disrupt, you have to count too! It was alot for anyone to handle ! I admire you for trying.When you seen it was too much, you said so.Good for you.Believe me there is a home that can handle them, and their is a child needing you.

I too was overwhelmed when I took on siblings 2 and then 8 , I too nearly disrupted but with all that I had I made it work and it did.But I would not have if I felt I couldnt give them what they needed.In the end after 6 months I did have to disrupt, not due to kids but the parents and CW's.You have to do what works best for you.You cant give more than you can give.The right placement will come along and you will know it.Though I do think they are stressful in beginning regardless, you will know it.Best of luck to you.Hang in there you did the best you could.

[forever14230]

I'm so sorry you've had such a rocky start in the foster world. However, only you know what you can handle, and if you feel like you're in over your head, then it's probably best for all of you to disrupt sooner rather than later. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[Pursuingmydream]

I hate to take Little Mama to the ER on Sunday she was vomiting uncontrobally. I happened to take her to the hospital closest to my house and to my surprise some of the nurses knew who she was by sight (she has been there many times).

Little Boy Blue is another story, he wanted to be held by every nurse that entered the room and when they left he would start crying, screaming and fall out on the floor. This happened seven times. Finally when the last nurse came in because she heard him screaming I asked her to leave the room because he was just going to cry when she left and guess what he did just that. He repeated the same behavior in the drugstore.

THis baby has serious abandonment issues, he will not stay in a different room from me, he even wakes up and gets into my bed nightly.

I talked to the CPS worker and explained that I have to disrupt this because I feel that he needs more care than I can provide. Only with that I told her that his bio mom had to have been leaving him alone for long periods of time because he is desperate for attention from women. I really did not expect her to take what i was saying to heart (just thought she would not care), but she was as disturbed as I was and agreed to look for a couple that could take these two in. So I am waiting to find out when they will be moved. I will not take a sibling group for awhile though. I think I am gonna do one kid at a time for right now.

Okay I am done now..

[sparkle1908]

that you all had to go through this...hopefully they will be moved to a family that can handle their needs soon...I think you have done a great job under the circumstances...

I hope the little girl is ok..that sounds scary!!!

[shavon]

Dont feel bad about disrupting, there is a family out there that is capable of helping these wonderful babies. It does not mean that you failed it just means that this was not the placement for you..

When you get the right placement you will be amazed at how well you will do...

(((hugs)))

[Boulderbabe]

Carla,

I think you made a good decision. These kids need a level of care you can't provide them. So deciding that early and getting them moved to a family that can meet their needs is a good call.

You did a good job. Now, on to the next one...hopefully, a kid whose needs meet your skills and who can say for a while! :-)

[bumblebeeskies]

If what I'm about to ask is a horrible idea, please don't flame me, I was just wondering... Would it be a bad idea in cases like these to separate the kids? I do understand that staying w/ siblings is important. However, if OP went above and beyond, and did all she could do, how is another fm going to be able to do more? There will still be two children, the boy still won't be able to be the sole focus of attention. Would it be better to put him w/ a ff that has no other fc?

[jphollen]

Originally Posted by bumblebeeskies

If what I'm about to ask is a horrible idea, please don't flame me, I was just wondering... Would it be a bad idea in cases like these to separate the kids? I do understand that staying w/ siblings is important. However, if OP went above and beyond, and did all she could do, how is another fm going to be able to do more? There will still be two children, the boy still won't be able to be the sole focus of attention. Would it be better to put him w/ a ff that has no other fc?

I think you have a valid point. I think siblings should almost always be kept together, but in some cases it maybe in their best interests. This maybe one of them. If it would help him heal and not make things worse it maybe worth looking into. He needs a lot of care and so does the baby it maybe more than one family (single couple whatever) can possibly provide.

Carla- (((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))

[forever14230]

Those children just break my heart!

Bumblebeeskies-My main concern about separating the kids would be that the little boy's abandonment issues might be exacerbated further if he lost his sibling...then the damage may be irreversible. It's such a sad situation.

[shycar]

I know how it feels to be overwhelmed. We went from 0-3 kids and one was a level 3 child (hardest child to place). It took about 3 months to finally feel settled and at ease. I know you feel overwhelmed and I hope you can find someone that can help out, until they are moved. Just a reminder it could take awhile to find a new home or sw will "forget" to find a home hoping you all get settled and change your mind, which can happen, but if not keep your eyes open for that.


Bumblebeeskies-to be honest I dont think the kids need to be split. A experienced foster parent can do just fine. I have had many clingy kids, medical fragile, level 3 (right now I have a level three due to medical issues) and able to give them what they need and what my own kids need. It just take time for these kids to get settled.

[kxl164]

I'm glad that you were able to make the right decision for you, and so sorry for those little ones who have been through so much. I hope they can find a wonderful home for them soon and it is great to hear that the SW took your concerns to heart too, that is willing to listen about their needs.

Best of luck!

[waited2long]

I am sooooo happy the CW listened.

I hope a new Foster home is found soon, the sooner the kids are moved, the better. It sounds as if the boy has some attachment issues and even if he doesn't, it's better to move them sooner rather than later. That way both kids have less time to bond to you. (That sounds terrible, but I think you know what I mean)

And DO NOT feel any guilt for moving these kids. They need more than you can give them right now. From your posts you sound like a terrific Foster Mom and will be a wonderful one for many years... one kid at a time...

[Maura_H]

I've been following this thread and please don't feel guilty. You have made the right decision here.
I think taking one child at a time is a great idea.
You are a smart woman - please don't feel like you have failed at all.

[sergekel]

This case sounds remarkably similar to the two I disrupted not long ago.

The workers were really mad at me because I told them that the children have needs to the point where they should be the only children in the home and I already have 3.

They were so mad but they did remove them. That was a couple of weeks ago and we have to have some meeting on Thursday to discuss what happened because I disrupted. She has threatened to hold it against me as far as other placements go.

What I want to know is....I understand that ALL foster kids come with issues of one sort or another. But...are they all, like, seriously deranged??? I mean, the two I had....sound similar in level of need to the two on this thread.

I also believe it wouldn't be a bad idea for my previous two to be seperated so their issues can be handled individually. Their attachment issues are so severe that I don't see how anyone can help them individually with the other one around...let alone any other children (or adults!) in the house.

I have 3 bios...ages 15, 10 and 4. When we were asked what we could "handle" I said that since I have 3 kids, that any other children coming in can't have any issues that are too complicated or severe in nature. They have to sort of fit in with the gang, so to speak.

That doesn't mean that they won't get any attention, I am a sahm, so they will get lots of attention, they just can't monopolize the attention.

On here I read what could be considered horror stories about poor little children so hurt that they can't function in a family. I am coming to wonder if it is even realistic for ANY foster children to come from what they come from and have the ability to just "blend in" to a family with existing children without it being a complete disaster.

I am not saying there won't be some adjustment period or anything....but is it in any way feasable to expect children who are in any way, shapre or form "normal" or that can become normal (as far as normal as anyone can be!) within a reasonable spectrum??

I read that one lady's post about taking her 1 and 2 year olds to the therapist's and it was totally a disaster. This is what it would have been if I took our previous fk to anywhere.

I DO want to love and help kids in need, to help them heal and to give them a chance to experience a healthy family environment. But I just don't want to live like THAT. I am feeling badly about that...but I don't want to ruin my or my family members' lives to help someone else...I don't think this is really helping...to ruin EVERYBODY'S lives involved.

I am feeling badly by what I'm feeling and I am hoping that a HUGE percentage of foster children will be more manageable and it is just the small percentage that isn't working out so well that is posting here for support.

But I would really like to hear from the experienced foster parents out there....really...how severe are the kids in general and is it possible or even reasonable to hope for a child or children that will have relatively mild or manageable behaviors??

Thanks.

[rm2000hg]

How are you doing now?
I have been thinking about the baby. How is she feeling this week?