[Pursuingmydream]

Originally Posted by potentialsinglemom

No foster kids yet, but I have experienced the anxiety you are feeling. I had custody of my Godson as one time. He would not sleep alone. I did have a crib for him, but he would not sleep in it unless he could reach out and touch me or my bed with his leg or arm. What I did was line his crib up with my bed. It did take some time but He grew out of it once the newness of our relationship ended.

I had to be in his line of site at all times, except when he saw his daycare teacher.

Right now you are all he has and he is applying his survival skills as best possible.

there is not enough room for me to move his bed into my room. He is sleeping in a twin bed. The baby refuses to sleep in the crib either so they both have sleeping issues. He is asleep now and it is a quarter til seven. I am trying to wake up now so he will sleep later.

I have to be honest with myself and the truth is I can not handle both of them. For some reason I am already attached to little boy blue and it will hurt to see him go but I can not give him as much attention has he requires. He dissolves into tears when I pick up the baby. What do you do when he raises his arns for you pick him up and says please. I feel like I adding to emotional distress he has because I am only person and he needs special attention.
I don't thimk I have ever felt so heart-broken!!!

[rm2000hg]

I know that I have never been in your situation so I don't belong giving advice, but I feel heartbroken for you. I don't think people should make decisions when they are either emotional or sleep deprived. It is obvious how much you care and I wish you the best.

[basimah]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I agree with everyone else in that you should give it some time. Definitely see what the dr says on Tuesday about the baby's pain. As far as your lack of sleep, does he ever take a nap? I was thinking maybe just spread a blanket on the living room floor and you guys can just crash there. Put a baby gate up and the wee one in a play pen and just sleep. Sleep deprivation is really a horrible thing.

[marathonmom]

I hope tonight is easier and that you will be able to get some sleep.

Do you know if there is another foster family that lives near you? Maybe you could see if they could watch the kiddos for a couple hours so you could rest.

I really appreciate all you are doing for your two little ones, THANK YOU!

[Pursuingmydream]

He will take a nap but not for more than an hour. If I am lucky the baby will go to sleep too. When he is awake he wants to be held or he is crying and following me from room to room. He has toys to play with and videos to watch which he will do when I am in the room..

I appreciate all of the advice and well wishes but I have to give the SW an answer on Monday on whether or not to disrupt and good or bad I will do so at that time.

You are all so amazing and eventually I hope that I can be as good at this as some of you.

[Boulderbabe]

Is the baby in pain? This doesn't sound good---maybe it's time to take her back to the pediatrician?

[waited2long]

I'm sorry... You just get through the weekend and on Monday decide what is best for you and the kids. I think it is really good that you are willing to admit that you may not be able to handle this placement. It is much better for everybody if they are moved sooner rather than later. Really, I think this takes alot of courage and love.

And, if you decide on Monday that you can handle it, that's great too!

Hugs and I hope you and the kids have a more restful weekend.

[Pursuingmydream]

Originally Posted by waited2long

I'm sorry... You just get through the weekend and on Monday decide what is best for you and the kids. I think it is really good that you are willing to admit that you may not be able to handle this placement. It is much better for everybody if they are moved sooner rather than later. Really, I think this takes alot of courage and love.

And, if you decide on Monday that you can handle it, that's great too!

Hugs and I hope you and the kids have a more restful weekend.

it is a little past weeknight and the baby finally fell asleep twenty minutes ago.. little boy blue is still up but I can see he is fading I just hope that he will stay in bed once I put him there

[aedems]

From the behaviors you are describing, it sounds like these two helpless children were seriously neglected and abused. I as well took two for my first placement, in addition to my 3 bio children. Their story was so horrible and there was potential for our family to be in danger as well (which we did not know at time of initial placement, but a few hours later). I cried for the first few days, walked in a stupor for the next few days and finally found the light around two weeks. I questioned myself daily. I wanted to be the perfect mother for these children because that is what they deserved, but then someone pointed out that there is no perfect mother. This wasn't about me, it was about the kids. God put them with me for a reason....they needed me. Now I understand there are absolute good reasons to disrupt.....children need more specialized care, family issues, etc. If you honestly feel you need to disrupt, then disrupt. But if you are making your decision because you are tired, you need to give them time to adjust and yourself time to adjust. Any chance you could hire a local teen that you know to come and play with little blue, so that you can do what you need to, like take a shower??!

[Pursuingmydream]

I was able to get some sleep yesterday during the day. And they slept well for the most part last night. My decision to disrupt is because little boy blue needs more care than I can provide. I am not equipped to care for both of them. I believe that it is best for all of us, it not about being tired at this point. I am emotional because I can see what he needs to be I can not give it to him and care for the baby.

[Boulderbabe]

Carla,

Just be aware, that if these kids are siblings, they may not let you disrupt with one and not the other. They'll probably want the kids to stay together. Will you be okay giving up the baby as well?

[potentialsinglemom]

Originally Posted by Pursuingmydream

I was able to get some sleep yesterday during the day. And they slept well for the most part last night. My decision to disrupt is because little boy blue needs more care than I can provide. I am not equipped to care for both of them. I believe that it is best for all of us, it not about being tired at this point. I am emotional because I can see what he needs to be I can not give it to him and care for the baby.

[Pursuingmydream]

Originally Posted by Boulderbabe

Carla,

Just be aware, that if these kids are siblings, they may not let you disrupt with one and not the other. They'll probably want the kids to stay together. Will you be okay giving up the baby as well?

they are siblings and I am aware that I will be giving them both up.

[waited2long]

I just wanted to see how you're doing today?

[jllambert]

Do you have anyone who could help out for 3 or 4 hours so you can have a nap and a hot bath/long shower? Sometimes just a little extra me time really helps to calm your nerves and get back on your feet.

We have had babies for almost 2 years now! I have to admit after night after night of no sleep I I sometimes loose it. The first time this happened I had spent more then a month with only about 4 hours of sleep a day and at about 3 am is was up for the 4th time and I was in tears when my sweet husband came into see what all the crying was about (mine not the babies) I told him I was going to have to call someone to get these babies (we had 2 at the time) because I am not good at this! He said why didn't you ask for my help?!?! I was so busy trying to be super mom that I just did not think to say "help I am sinking here!" He took care of the babies the rest of the night and most of the day. I felt better, and have realized there is no shame in asking for help!!
Good luck and hang in there!