[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by jeni-b

I think we all probably felt that way with a multiple placement.

i agree....i had two at once, followed by one more shortly after- so three. i went from zero to three in four months. i gained 40 pounds in those months....that i still haven't lost... lol. i didn't know how i'd make it that first year. after nearly 6 years, i have 5, and still want one more. lol. i guess i adjusted.

[Pursuingmydream]

My only resources for help during the day is my mother who also cares for my father and my bestfriend who lives about sixty miles from me.

I tried the pack n play and the videos with little boy blue and I think that it caused more harm (he screamed uncontrollably which made me think that this was something that happened to him before he did not like).

I feel like I am going to hate myself more if I continue on this like. I so wish that I could keep little boy blue (not that the little angel girl is bad or anything) but I believe that I could be more effective with him alone or just one kid.

I am praying about it and who knows if i can get more than an hour of sleep I might feel differently...

[thelowlanders]

Just hang in there! Things will get better. Definitely get help for a little while until routine is established. Your sleep is so important. Our first placement was 3 under 3 yrs old. I feel if we would have had more support, we would still have the other 2 with us.

You can do it! As they learn they can trust in you, things like bath time will get much better soon. PS. Little boys are the best You'll enjoy them both in no time.

Just read your last post- Do they offer Respite where you're at? They do here but dragged their feet so long, that we couldn't keep all the cousins. Even if you just requested a little respite during the 1st month.

The other big thing I learned, is w/my girls. The "being scared and 2 hour fits over wanting mother, etc" Turned out to be wanting to be coddled. Each child is different, but w/this one, she is very manipulative. It was her survival skill. So, I found that I should take each issue w/ a grain of salt. They may have been traumatized, but they also may be testing and finding the limits like any other child. Follow your discernment. Thinking of you

[Pursuingmydream]

the baby claws at her face with one hand and pulls her own hair with the other. She does not cry when she does bur after she stops she crys like it did not help with whatever is bothering her. it is freaking me out

[onhazier]

Get some infant mittens for her or put baby socks on her hands. She'll still be able to touch her face, she just won't be able to claw herself easily. She may be in pain and or stressed from everything she's experienced.

Most importantly, you need to sleep when they sleep. When you put them down for a nap, ignore your housework and go nap. You need the sleep too.

As for bathing the little boy, start with giving him sponge baths. You can set him in a dry tub. Have a bowl of warm water and a cloth. Bathe him from that. Eventually, put a little water in the tub but keep the bowl there. The next time, add a little more to the tub. Eventually, take away the bowl and just bathe him in the tub.

Good luck!! You're in my thoughts. We also took in two little ones and were amazed at the lack of sleep and extra work. We're wrapping up our second week and it is definitely better than it was even last Friday.

[kxl164]

1- BREATHE

2- Breathe again

3- and again

To me, it sound like you are freaking out like every new mother. I know this doesn't exactly help you feel better, but it is natural. Sleep deprivation is harsh, new responsibilites are a lot of stress, questioning your ability just compounds everything.... but all of this is natural for any new mother.

Try to stop beating yourself up. I have to be honest, I know going from 0-2 is a huge transition, but going from 0-1 is a HUGE transition too. If you had just one child right now you would be questioning yourself the same way, wondering if you did the right thing, and although you may be getting sligthly more sleep, you would still be worried, and sleep deprived and stressed.

Now, breathe again.

And again.

Give it a bit of time to settle down, I'm all for recognizing personal limitations, but you are in the throws of new motherhood so right now I don't think it is a question of whether or not 2 is too many, but giving yourself time to adjust to parenthood at all.

Keep the baby's nails short and try to hold her and calm her when she claws her face, it sounds like a self-stimulatory reaction to stress, and keep Little Boy Blue with you and remember that you can't immediatly fix his being scared, he is scared and time will help that more than anything else.

Vent here as much as needed!! It really helps.

btw, we already had 2 children and then added 2 more through fostering, I questioned the same thing, what was I thinking taking 2, I could have handled one but 2 was insane.... honestly it wouldn't have matter if it were 1 or 2, the transition and beginning is a huge scary change to everyone, you will adjust to 2 just as easily as to 1 (I think that anyway) you deal with what you have to deal with, just have confidence in yourself and try to ask for help this weekend so that you can get some sleep and recharge.

[melissa_bear003]

Every mother, and I do mean EVERY mother whose had more than one child goes through this or something similar...(Unless the kids are given to the Nanny other than for 15 minutes of quality time or something, lol!)

My youngest 2 are 19 mths and 7 days apart. Thought I was gonna lose my mind. Up and down all night like a psychotic yo yo with Princess, up at 6 am with Tazzie for the day...Sleep deprivation doesn't do a body good, lemme tell ya.

Best possible thing is SLEEP when everyone's napping. Housework can be LATER.

[Newshyde]

I went from 0-2 as well. I was placed with a baby 17 days old and her 4yo brother. I didn't sleep for quite some time. I had the baby in a bassinet next to me and the little boy in his room. It's been two months and I'm finally feeling like we are in a routine and all is going SOOOOO much better. I'm single and thought I could do it all. I ended up calling my mom and she came out and stayed with me for a little bit so I could get some help.
Don't be afraid to ask for help and I hope you are taking some time off of work to get everything established.
Are you going to be taking them to day care? If that is part of your future plan maybe you could get that started early by just having them go for 3-4 hours a day. That will allow you some sleep and cleaning time as well as help establish the routine that you will be dropping off and picking the kids up, which will help to establish trust as well.
Also, does little boy blue have a comfort item? A blanket or bear or something? If not, go to the store and let him pick one out. That may help too.
Other than that, the other suggestions you got are good. I wouldn't put LBB in the playpen with the movie, he may be too big for that, but to just have the movie playing where he can play while it is going on. I noticed with my last 2yo he never actually sat and watched the movies, but enjoyed having them going while he was playing and running around.
And, while you can't sleep with him (that's a rule where I am) a good idea may be to put a mattress down on the floor next to his bed (is he in a toddler bed or a twin bed... the twin may be too big if he's in that.) and lay on the floor next to him while he falls asleep. That way he can hold your hand and know your there, plus you can get some sleep too.
Good luck. Keep posting. Many of us have been there. I seriously questioned my ability to handle two, but here I am 2 months later and it's going so much better. I really couldn't choose between the two of them if I had to have only one.
Heidi

[wellnow]

Are they siblings?

I feel bad for you and those children...I hope you can find a way to make it work for everyone...I can only imagine how stressed you are...please take some time for yourself wherever you can...you need to recharge your batteries!!!!

I don't have any kids yet but I want to send you some hugs!!!!

[jarian]

I haven't been placed with any kiddos yet, but I think the stress is just simply having a new situation. I think once they begin to trust you and once you learn a little but about what they like/dislike you all will do fine. All new situations take time to adjust and work themselves out. I would give it a few weeks before making a definite decision. Honestly, you all could settle into a routine within 1 week. Hang in there!

[Pursuingmydream]

i talked to my cw and she was advising putting his bed in my room. She asked if i wanted to give it a few more days then disrupt if i still feel the same.

[txwannabemom]

I'd try putting his bed in your room, If thats still to far, maybe he'd benefit from a sidecar style sleeper right next to your bed. It sounds like he is scared that you won't be there. Was he ever a co-sleeper? Sounds like your his hero, exhausting as it may be. He knows you will keep him safe, so he needs to stay with you.

[JessicaBaker]

Don't feel guilty if you need to disrupt this placement. I got in over my head this past summer and asked for the removal of our special needs 15 month old foster son (I also had a 3 yr old daughter and 10 month old foster daughter). I got pregnant and felt like crap. I am married so I had help, but I knew that I had (unintentionally) taken on too much.

There's more to the story, but just know that disrupting is best if your mental health is at stake. And then learn from the past. Do not go outside of your placement parameters again. If you only want one girl between age 0-2 stick to that.

I agree with all the other posters that adjustments take time and often things get easier, but you also need to do what is right for you and that may be asking for these little guys to move to a different home. If you pray, now would be a great time to ask for guidance.

We're here to support you whatever decision you make.

[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by Pursuingmydream

the baby claws at her face with one hand and pulls her own hair with the other. She does not cry when she does bur after she stops she crys like it did not help with whatever is bothering her. it is freaking me out

my 3 year old does the scratching thing...he scratches up his whole body...he has sensory issues and i think he is trying to make himself feel better somehow...he will scratch himself until he bleeds...and not cry. our new baby pulls his own hair and bites himself when he is mad. how i got 2 babies that are self destructive is beyond me. but i see in them both the same thing....i honestly think they were not held and cuddled enough, they did not get enough attention their first few months of life. the 3 year old spent his first 10 months in a crib, and baby a spent almost 6 months in a swing. neither were interacted with as much as they should have been. i bet your new children have similar issues...i think it will take alot of time and energy on your part to continue to interact with them appropriately. i would also normally reccommend babywearing for the little girl...but with a broken leg i'm sure that is not possible.....but i would carry those 2 kids as much as you could. i would also ask the baby's doctor if there are any sensory activities you can do that would help her. one of my 3 year old's favorite stress reducing activities is to chew on a vibrating teether. somehow the motion of the teether stops his senses from going on overload....and calms him down.

i agree with the idea of the dry bath at first...that was smart....also maybe i'd let him pick out a new bath toy at target...that can only be played with in the bath.

you sound so frustrated....and i am so sorry....my heart goes out to you. if i lived next door, i'd come watch your kids while you took a nap. you need some sleep. i would absolutely put everyone in my room, if it meant everyone would feel comfortable enough to sleep. do you have any fostering friends where you live? it sounds like you need a btdt friend who will meet you for coffee with her screaming kids too and tell you that you are normal. hang in there.

[potentialsinglemom]

No foster kids yet, but I have experienced the anxiety you are feeling. I had custody of my Godson as one time. He would not sleep alone. I did have a crib for him, but he would not sleep in it unless he could reach out and touch me or my bed with his leg or arm. What I did was line his crib up with my bed. It did take some time but He grew out of it once the newness of our relationship ended.

I had to be in his line of site at all times, except when he saw his daycare teacher.

Right now you are all he has and he is applying his survival skills as best possible.