[HopefulInTN]

Hi, guys. Our 10 yr old G has been making the transition in our home very well. He's already wrapped his way into our hearts.

He has group therapy on Mondays and Wednesdays, and those nights are sheer torture for all of us. He comes home bouncing off the walls, and this is after playing hard with the other kids at therapy. We went to his therapy yesterday, and when the topic moved to fathers who abuse their kids, he suddenly went into high gear and couldn't stop moving. (He's ADHD, by the way.) It was painful to watch this child struggle like this, even though we know the therapy helps him and is for the best.

We have tried having as normal a routine afterwards as possible, but homework is worse than normal (and that's tough as it is), because he really struggles with focusing on it. And naps are out because he can't go to sleep. Too wired, and too close to bedtime. We try to have quiet snuggle time, and the child simply can't do it. He just can't stop moving constantly and acting out. This only happens after therapy, and since this group therapy is going to go through next March, we need input from others who have dealt with this.

What works for you? What doesn't? We know that eventually we will 'hit' on something helpful, but we'd love to hear your ideas that could help us help him.

Thanks so much for anything you can offer.

[Mommyofthreetobe]

Huuummm....can you sign him up for sports before or after the sessions? If not, maybe you or your partner could go jogging with him? Can home work be done BEFORE sessions? If not, you may speak with his teacher to see about having a reduced work load on those nights.

Can you speak with whoever is running the group to see if they have any suggestions? I think its sort of normal to have this sort of thing going on. Good luck!!!

[jphollen]

We have trouble with our 10 yr fs after visits. He is not ADD/ADHD (dd is) but after a visit he is all over the place as if he was. He leaves for a visit at 3, as soon as school is out and gets home about 8.

He doesn't want to do homework after he gets home and let's face it who would. He chooses not to do it in the car on the way to the visit, probably because he is nervous.

This is what I do...Internet time motivates him as does games and tv (but internet is big, he plays some age approp meez game he loves). I say it's time to do your homework I can't and won't make you do it, but I will help you in 5 minutes. If he isn't at the table in 5 minutes I gently remind him that his 40 mins online for the next night are in jeopardy. If he looses his internet time thats on him. If he doesn't finish his homework and ends up with a bad grade the rest of his privileges are on the table to be removed one at a time.

I let his teacher know the days of visits (you could let the teacher know therapy days) as I know he is going to struggle the next day. She doesn't give him a free pass the next day but does pick her battles.

I probably sound kinda harsh, and should mention I am the bio parent of a special needs child. She has adhd, bi-polar disorder, ocd and aspergers. I have learned the structure and tons of rules limit the chaos for everyone. I hate the structure but the kids thrive with it. Good luck

[Lorraine123]

Are you sure the therapy helps him? Why group therapy? I'm not sure this type of therapy would help a child deal with their own specific trauma issues. Sounds like nothing is getting resolved, just reopening of the trauma for him.

[HopefulInTN]

The group therapy is for children who have been sexually abused and became reactive because of the abuse. It teaches them proper behavior, etc, and helps them to work through the abuse that occurred. The boys hold one another accountable for their behaviors (acting out, being disobedient, etc.) and it seems to work well. Edited to add: He will be in individual therapy after this group is over with, to help with his specific issues.

He's continuing with this therapy group right now because his father is being brought up on charges of sexual abuse of his three children, and he will be giving a deposition in the next couple of months. The therapist thinks the support from his friends in the group will be helpful during the difficult time, and we are allowed anytime we want to be there. We observed how the therapy is done, and think it is good for him, but the poor little guy doesn't know what to do with himself afterwards, with all the agitation from dealing with the abuse. He only admitted 2 months ago about his abuse, so he's really still in the early stages of recovery from it.

Thanks for the input from everyone. We will continue with our consistency, and will see about the possibility of him taking karate afterwards.

I do plan to talk to his therapist too for ideas on the best way to help G those nights.

Oh, and he's taken out of school at 2:00 for the therapy, and doesn't get out till 4:30. Bedtime is at 8:30, so there's not alot of time, but I will be e-mailing his teachers about those nights being really tough on him. Maybe we can work something out, homework-wise.

Thanks, guys. You are such a wonderful resource.