[fredalina]

Thankfully she is in a pre-adoptive home now and doesn't have the same issues any longer. i completely support foster parents and i believe there are very few of the horrible abusers and/or money-hungry foster parents out there. i think her former foster mom cared about her, etc, but i can't see the whole stipend going to the girl's care given what i saw. Especially since it was a therapeutic rate. But i don't think it was gross abuse by any means and probably went to things still pretty much related to care, like having a 2-bedroom apartment instead of a 1-bedroom, or having a little bit bigger car, etc.

Mostly i wondered what folks do and what regulations there are in various places as well, not just about this girl, though thinking about her brought on the question and provided a good "hypothetical". Make sense?

Oh, another question: Are you allowed to require your kids to save a certain portion or to give a certain portion (such as to tithe at church)?

[Mommyofthreetobe]

I like the suggestion just above my post...I wondered, though, if the family is supplying pads and saying that if she wanted tampons, she needs to buy them with her own money...I only wonder this becasue this was the rule in my family growing up. IF this is the case then I suppose that its fair although maybe the fparents should reconsider as many, many girls prefer tampons to pads.

[ca-bigsister]

The foster parents should buy the tampons, personal hygiene, etc.

It can be frustrating - FD only likes Tampax Pearl, the most expensive. But they are best for her body. I buy whatever is on sale for myself.

[melissa_bear003]

Originally Posted by fredalina

Thankfully she is in a pre-adoptive home now and doesn't have the same issues any longer. i completely support foster parents and i believe there are very few of the horrible abusers and/or money-hungry foster parents out there. i think her former foster mom cared about her, etc, but i can't see the whole stipend going to the girl's care given what i saw. Especially since it was a therapeutic rate. But i don't think it was gross abuse by any means and probably went to things still pretty much related to care, like having a 2-bedroom apartment instead of a 1-bedroom, or having a little bit bigger car, etc.

Mostly i wondered what folks do and what regulations there are in various places as well, not just about this girl, though thinking about her brought on the question and provided a good "hypothetical". Make sense?

Oh, another question: Are you allowed to require your kids to save a certain portion or to give a certain portion (such as to tithe at church)?

This may get me into trouble, but I *think* that would be considered forcing religious observations on a child, and a huge no no.

Here, foster parents MUST give the quoted amount of allowance, its not allowed to be withheld for any reason...and, as I understand it, foster parents also have no say in how its spent. Can enourage saving, etc, but ultimately, no say.

[vaughn94]

OK, I know I'm coming into this discussion late, but something else needs to be considered here too. It depends on the age of the child, that is true, but it also depends on the personal hygiene habits. Tampons can't be left in the body (or shouldn't be) for over 4-5 hours. The super tampons are usually the ones that cause Toxic Shock, because most of the women and young teens that use them think that they can get by with more time and less hassle. During the time that I was a foster parent, we had three teens at different times who weren't the best at hygiene and I personally would cringe thinking of one of them in particular using tampons (thank goodness she didn't)... just something to consider.

[vaughn94]

"i don't think this girl owned a name brand clothing item in her life. i just remember her saying her shirts don't fit anymore (probably because puberty had recently struck) and she needed some new shirts, and prowling the $5 rack at Wal-Mart with her so she could afford 2 shirts and still buy some lip gloss.........The only time i ever saw her with new clothing (she had a few outfits i learned quickly) was when she bought it on our outings together with her allowance. With her other comments, too, i suspect she didn't have any clothes paid for from her normal stipend."

I could not begin to tell you how much that upsets me. One of the things I enjoyed so much as a foster parent was shopping with and for "our" kids. We gave the allowance, and also saved change with the condition that the child also put in at least 8 quarters a week ;-) (only to be used at the end of the month ... it taught savings). The allowance spending was up to the child, but we gave it at the end of every week -- $10.00. As long as it wasn't something that could be used to hurt another child, or something not for the age child that is buying it, or a *bad* cd (you have to watch some of that music... learned that first hand at the dinner table with a teen singing about Jolly Rancher, I don't think my husband will ever get over that, and I know I won't when I realized that I was with her when she bought that CD)... you get the point.
But we spent over and above our stipend. That stipend, btw, is not a payment it is a reimbursement as anyone who has fostered in Tennessee and probably most other states can attest to. We didn't get our first stipend until 5 weeks after our first foster child came to stay with us. By then the child had already been r/u with family, but it was still hard spending that check, it took me 2 months to cash it.... I missed him so much and wanted to spend it on him... but I'm rambling...
It hurts to read about that child having to spend her own allowance on clothing, and you being the one that goes shopping with her. I'd give anything to have to experience again, I miss it so much. I can't imagine a fp doing that... it appalls me.
I know that when we'd shop, the child was given the responsibility of budgeting their own money. They'd come and ask "do I have enough to buy this, or that?" and a lot of the time I would go and help them "add" up in their heads what this cost plus that, always rounding it off to the nearest 10 cent just to be safe, and quick, for taxes too. They'd soon catch on and could do it on their own before long. I miss that too... watching how proud kids would get that they were responsible and did well with their money.
We had one former foster daughter, a teen, who was in a foster home she hated. We stayed in contact via email, and she told me how the fm bought all her girls school supplies and made her go to school without because her grandmother hadn't given the child her allowance yet! The CW took her and bought her as little as she could get by with, until the grandmother could get some money to her.... didn't even complain about that fm (some case worker)... and then there was an incident that they were out eating and the fps actually sat there and ate in front of this girl, who only had money to buy a softdrink. The fm told her that it wasn't her responsibility to pay for her food when they ate out, it was her grandmother's responsibility to make sure she had enough of an allowance to be able to dine out with the rest of the family. I told her that it most definitely was the foster parents' responsibility to feed her every day, whether it was take out or home dinners, and that she was obligated to give her $1 a day as an allowance (which do I need to add was not happening either?).
But I'd give anything to have a 12 year old to go shopping with and paint her nails and be a mom to.