[msjennie]

Hello everyone!

Just wondering if there are any single and working foster parents out there and want to know...

- Is it manageable?
- How do you do it?

Your advice is greatly appreciated!!!

Thanks!

[Boulderbabe]

I'm single, and I work. I have one adopted son, and I often take in another foster child. Yes, it is manageable. How do I do it? I have no idea. :-) I put in a lot of hours!

[michsm]

I also am single and working. It is manageable. A little crazy but manageable. I never feel like there is enough time in the evening with the kids. One of the most important things I have realized is that no matter how crazy it gets you must find time for yourself. I am not able to get away and go out for a couple hours. So I relieve some stress playing fetch with the dog outside. I feel very relaxed when I done. I also get up at 4am so that I can have some quiet time to myself.

My main concern is how the company you work for views fostering. I lost my last job because they did not view my foster children as mine and said I was abusing my sick time. They were ok when I called in for myself but never for the kids. It was always why can't you get someone from dcfs to take the kids. I know my case is probably rare, but now that I have been through it I know it exists.

I also am a huge chart person. If it is posted on the wall there is no question.

No matter how hard it gets being single I wouldn't give it up for anything.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by msjennie

Hello everyone!

Just wondering if there are any single and working foster parents out there and want to know...

- Is it manageable?
- How do you do it?

Your advice is greatly appreciated!!!

Thanks!

I'm single. I have two daughters, 3 & 10, a foster/adopt son who's almost 2. And I've had up to two additional foster children (for a total of 5 kids).

FMLA covers foster placements so I've never had any trouble at work. In fact, work is AWESOME. They view it as community service (which it is) and bend over backwards to accomodate me. Although, I'm very careful with my time off and try to minimize any time away from work.

It's crazy sometimes. It helps to be super organized. Have everything done the night before (bookbags, clothes, diaper bags, shoes, coats, hats, and breakfast!). Keep to a schedule and don't feel guilty about early bedtimes! Evenings are the only time I have to myself. I spend most of it catching up on laundry and cleaning-but it's my kid-free time.

[EandDmom]

I'm not single but I sometimes feel like I am. Dh works nights so he sleeps till noon and leaves the house at 2 pm and doesnt' get home until 2 am. He does help with going to the grocery store and some of the cleaning. On the flip side though I work sat. so he has them all alone on that day. I have a daughter that is 18 and we pay her to help watch the kids a couple of days aweek while I work but she helps more than that. If you can afford having someone come in and do a little basic cleaning that would help you a lot.

[jjjjmom]

Im a single mom with one bio, one adopted and two fd. I work full time and spend most of my "free" time driving kids around. I don't even try to do all the work my self, I'm only human. My 16 year old and 11 year old are in charge of their own laundry, bedrooms and their bathroom. My 16 year old helps me with cooking and the 11 year old vaccums, we give the little ones little chores as well. Sometimes it takes longer to check on the kids chores than to just do it your self, but it works. 3 times a week my 16 year old and I do kickboxing for one hour and the rest get to sit and watch. They choose not to participate. I'm a county employee and I have to say I am blessed to have a boss who totally supports me fostering and taking time off for my kids instead of my self. I love having lots of kids!

[Mummy_Big_Bird]

I'm single too. I have been very lucky that I work as a Nanny. My foster kids come to work with me. Although, now that I am adopting my current placement, I am trying to find a work at home job. It is going to be too much when I start fostering again, to work with a toddler and infant in tow.

[Singlemom619]

I've been able to manage it fine - but I'm also crazy and put a lot on my plate and do much better that way

[bethy724]

I'm single & adopted my son thru foster care & provide respite care on the weekends. It can be done-it's exhausting & rewarding.

You have to have a support system - not necessarily family but friends & fellow fp's. Good luck!

[jayzable]

I'm single as well. I have an adopted daughter who is now 16, and had foster sisters, 11 & 9. It's hectic, but can be done.

I have a great family support system, so they provide me with some alone time when they take the kids.

[Boulderbabe]

Realistically, even though people ask "how do you do it" all the time, it's really hard to answer. It's just the way my life is; I don't know any different, so I'm not sure how to answer the question.

Here are some things that make it possible for me: I have a job with very flexible hours. If I need to take the morning off for a pediatrician appointment, I do, and I just make the work up after the kids go to bed. I have a reasonable salary, and that lets me hire a cleaning lady every couple months to do the big jobs. We can eat out frequently, which helps, too---there are just some nights I'm not up to cooking.

I do a load of laundry every day so it doesn't build up. I have pretty much given up on dating, but I have a warm circle of friends that pitch in when I need them. Seriously, the other foster parents in my circle have been a godsend---I could not do this without their support and help and care.

(Actually, other than having my sweetie son and my other kids in my life, the best thing about fostering as a single mom is that I have made such incredible, awesome friends through fostering. I honestly think that foster parenting just attracts a better class of people---more generous, more honest, more caring, and all around cooler than the average group).

[mom2fabtwins]

Boulderbabe I agree - you have to have friends. I have the best friends EVER and without them I wouldn't stay somewhat sane . They are willing to have most of the parties at my house - which allows me to stay on schedule - and keep in touch.

I don't know anything different so the "How do you do it" is irrelevent. I have FD 7, FS 3 and twin 9 month FSs. I work fulltime and they go to daycare. I just finished my Master's Degree so I now have an extra open night .

Suggestions: schedule , routine, frineds, cleaning lady, routine, friends, schedule , did I say schedule ?

I do shop on my lunch hour. In summer I bring a cooler and in winter, I cover anything I don't want to freeze in the trunk, with a blanket.

[Newshyde]

Another single and working foster mom here. I have two FC, one 4yo and one 3mo.
I would second that it is manageable, but only when I am totally keeping to my schedule and routine. I also do laundry almost every day. The kids have an early bedtime and go to day care during the day. My job is very flexible which makes it easier to manage all the various appointments I have every week and I have a great group of friends who have embraced my crazy life.
Because the kids are in day care I do feel guilty sometimes they we don't have a lot of time together during the day so I always plan fun things on the weekend. I also try to plan time for me, which sometimes means just sending the kids with a friend while i take a nap or taking advantage of a lunch break with a friend. It all works. My life is busy and full and I wouldn't trade it for anything right now.
Heidi

[irelady10]

I am single and have a 10 mth. old fost/adopt baby. He's been with me since he was 10 days old. Its been surpisingly smooth for me. The baby is amazing- he goes with the flow, for the most part.

Some things I've learned to do that make this single-parent thing doable: prepare for the next day the night before; an early bedtime for baby so there is time to clean and prep for the next day, and there is time for me; organization, organization, organization; routine, routine, routine; and, most importantly, enjoy every moment with your little one...the house will never been completely neat and the laundry rarely caught up, but so what- they are only little once!!

I am loving being a single mom; sure, there are stressful times, but this would be the case in a 2 parent household. I don't know any different, though!

Good luck, and don't stress too much. Being a single parent is SO doable, and enjoyable!

[msjennie]

Thank you all for your replies!

I definitely gained a lot of insight!

I am still very much interested in fostering.